My husband walked out on me and our kids and I haven’t been able to reach him in almost a month
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My husband walked out on me and our kids and I haven’t been able to reach him in almost a month

My husband walked out on me and on our kids and hasn’t contacted us since. I’ve been trying to reach him every which way but he doesn’t answer. I’m devastated and feeling like I could just die it’s so hard to deal with the pain. It only gets harder each day I don’t hear from him. I can’t even make myself pretend to be okay so the kids don’t have to see me falling apart. I don’t know what happened that made my husband leave and I don’t know what’s going to happen to me and the kids because I can’t afford to pay the bills by myself. I’m desperate and don’t know what to do.

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Editor's Response

It’s hard to cope when your husband leaves. Your devastation and feelings of desperation are normal, but even though right now it gets harder each day you don’t hear from him, you’re going to wake up one day and find you feel a little bit stronger than you did the day before and you’ll manage to get something done that you haven’t been able to do since he left. It won’t mean that everything is better. It will mean that it’s getting better. You’ll still have bad days mixed in but they will get fewer and fewer.

While you’re only human and sometimes we can’t make ourselves pretend not to be in pain even for our children, you do need to realize that your children are going through this with you. They are dealing not only with the fact that their father has walked out on the family but they are also dealing with their sadness to see what it’s doing to you. Don’t pressure yourself but do keep in mind that both you and their father are teaching them how to deal with difficulties in life. Whatever the reason their father left, he has shown them that it’s okay to just get up and walk out on the people who love and depend on you and not look back. On your part, it’s important for your children to know they still have a present  and stable parent, and if you have daughters, it’s important for them to see you handling the situation with strength and poise.

It’s hard, but you’ll survive it. What your husband has done is cowardly and cruel; but it happens. Men walk out on their wives. Fathers walk out on their children. Right now don’t worry about figuring out the reason your husband has done what he’s done. You have to think about your health and about your children’s well-being and your livelihood. Get working on solving the problem with not being able to afford to pay the bills. It will actually help you to be focused on other things besides your hurt, pain and confusion over your husband leaving. At some point he will contact you and you’ll have the answers you need then. If he doesn’t contact you life will go on. It will be slow but before you know it this will be behind you.

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My husband walked out on me and our kids and I haven't been able to reach him in almost a month, 5.7 out of 10 based on 3 ratings
Disclaimer: Editor's Response answers should not be taken for expert advice. The person behind the Editor's Response is not a relationship expert but just a regular member of the general public and all Editor's Response answers should be considered in the same light as an opinion given by a random individual on the street. Some Marriage questions are manufactured by Marriage Scene writers based on Internet research.
0 10 4993 10 October, 2010 Marriage Answers October 10, 2010

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10 comments

  1. Brenda

    WOW! I cannot believe this article. This JUST happened to me too. One week before our son’s 16th birthday. The exact same thing. My counselor says it’s because my husband can’t communicate with me. Which is strange because he sure used to. That was always one of the great things about out marriage or so I thought. We were bestfriends. Apparently if something bothers him he can’t tell me. I guess a lot was bothering him and he never told me. Instead he left his family. Yeah, real great for this kids honey! Kill us emotionally and financially, don’t make ANYTHING for any of us better…just up and leave. Makes perfect sense! NOT! Now all of us are in a worse situation than ever. Why? Because he wasn’t happy. Quite selfish if you ask me. He could have chosen to get help or talk to me but he didn’t. Instead he destroyed a family! DUMB! I hope things in your life are better for you. I’m still in the beginnings of mine. The advice the editor gave is true and it’s what everyone tells me. I am 76 days into this and I would say it’s 5% better because I don’t sob like a maniac nightly anymore, just regular tears. That’s the only change for the better so far. Best of luck to you friend!

    Reply
  2. claire

    i too am hurting so much, my husband walked out 2 days ago leaving our 2 yr old and 7 month old daughters, also my 10 yr old son. he says he still loves me but can only take so much and that this is hard on him too, i dont understand how he could do it, he has lost everything to walk away so how can he say he loves us!!! im finding all this so hard feel in so much pain. i dont know how to get through this, i have very low self esteem so am quite needy so the feeling of rejection from him is so hard to bare, all i wanted was him to show his love and he could’nt. i will accept any tips to help me through this, also not sleeping well with a 7 month old baby. please help

    Reply
  3. Carla

    I came home from work and the house had been removed of half of our belongs…he left me a note saying that he didn’t want to talk to me but to communicate with him threw email or text…he has not communicated back for almost a week…The sadder part of the story is that he moved right around the corner to his mother’s house…he left me with everything to tend too…He is going threw alot and I may have not been as supportive as I should of been…but why won’t he contact me to a least give me closure…It hurts so much…he is right around the corner. I am lost and do not know what to do. Do I give up our home? Do I mover on?

    Reply
  4. Team Writer

    From someone who has been through this more than once, I know you will all be okay, but I also know that when you are in the middle of dealing with having your husband walk out, no amount of assurances that you’re going to be okay help to make the pain hurt less. In fact it can often make it worse when people try to pep talk you. I still remember when I was subjected to listening to “I will Survive” when I was feeling like I was going to die. It didn’t provide any comfort or make me feel better. I did not feel like I was going to survive. I did not believe I was going to survive, but I did. I had to. I’m sorry for the pain you’re all going through and wish for you that things will turn around for the better soon.

    Reply
  5. Katy

    I was not married but was engaged. The father of my 10 day old baby said he was going to see his parents, kissed me, said i’ll be back later and I have not heard from him since, that was 3 months ago. How can he walk out on a 10 day old (6 week premature) old baby?? I have tried everything to contact him, text, e-mail, phone, going to his house but I have heard absolutely nothing!

    How can men do this? his son was 10 days old, he not tried even once to contact him!

    Reply
  6. Siew Yin

    I’m in my 22nd days of my husband walk out, that day he send my daughter to school, when i waited so long at home to pick me up, i open the door, car is park in car porch, gate left wide open, he is gone. no email reply, mobile cant get through, FB no respond, left me & my 2 kids, 11yrs old daughter & 6 yrs old son. i went to relative house, in laws house… the only i get from relative is they saw him pack 2 big bags in my in laws house ready to go off some where. so my in laws lies to me they never see him. pretty interesting, they didn’t seems panic their son gone missing. obviously they know & they can be so cruel to see their own grand children miss their father so much, they just shut the door & said go home.
    he left me tons of bill to handle, and i’m from Malaysia, staying in Malaysia. that is no support for this abounded wife & kids… but at night i can sleep peacefully because i pray i lot. i depend on God. i understand its my husband choice, i love him, i miss him a lot, not for me to worry a bout him. its my choice to miss him but my life need to move on. clock is ticking, school fees need to pay. after sending kids to school, i will allow myself to sink for awhile my pain. then i need to move on to show my kids how i go thru this, and bring them along. they will see some people chose to avoid things, but they will see i showing them what is commitment & love. hang in there all mothers, everyday its going to be better. God bless you all.

    Reply
  7. Jack Snyder

    Well, here is one for you married 17yrs I had made over 110k a year for the past 7 years and last February I lost my job and have been unable to find new employment and on top of the I have a 17 year old son. My wife left us one day out of the blue she has contacted us and she is staying with the dad who uses drugs and drinks from dusk till dawn and until recently hasn;t had anything to do with her and actually walked out on her and her mother 50 yrs ago after many affairs and also she just found out she has a brother the same age in which he cheated on her mother while she was a baby but tells her that he was just a sperm donation, but my wife wow my wife that use to be so nice to say… anyhow she talks with him and we had been doing stuff with his family wonderful person and her father doesn’t even try but even with all those issues she is running to him…. Telling me she is going to stay with him until she figures out the financial thing??? I’m crushed and feel used I gave her everything and now I have nothing???

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  8. Guy

    It takes a lot for a man to get married. Men won’t do things spontaneously like women do. Men have to know how things will turn out or they won’t place their bets. Don’t rush a man. Don’t nag a man. Don’t complain that a man didn’t do something he should have. The man knows what he’s doing and if things didn’t work out it’s because he decided the situation plateaued and won’t get better or will only get worse. Only advice for the women here is: life is a hard, cruel monster and men get tired of grinding that axe every day; live and let die, don’t nag, do your best for your own reasons and try very hard to pull your own weight. I know it’s not the fifties and women want to do less and less and expect more; this is why the man leaves, because you’re butting heads instead of getting things done together.

    Reply
  9. mama3

    I am going through all of the above with three kids. It’s a month today and I haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks. I’m hurt, kids asking for their dad and I font know what to say. My kids had to go 3 hrs away with my parents so I can work. He left us in a town where we know no one.

    Reply

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