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My wife is fat, she snores, watches too much TV and is an all-around embarrassment

Can you imagine your husband getting on a public message board and telling the world that you’ve become an embarrassment to him, that you’ve gained so much weight since having two babies that you weigh more than he does and he’s having to go sleep in the basement to get away from the snoring that’s resulted from your excessive weight gain? Furthermore, your favorite pastimes are watching TV and eating and he’s given up on having any sexual relationship with you because you’re so fat it’s just embarrassing? And he’s really just counting down to when the kids are 18 so he can divorce you because your refusal to lose your excess weight is selfish and threatens your happiness? And he finds it demoralizing being around you?

Personally whenever I gain more weight than I’m comfortable with I am the one who seeks to avoid my husband seeing my body because it’s embarrassing for me to have him see me with extra weight. I know he likes a woman with a nice figure; but if he gave any indication to me whatsoever that he was disgusted with my body, found it demoralizing to be around me and was embarrassed to make love to me because of my extra weight I would have to conclude that he measures my worth according to how I look on the outside and beyond that he really doesn’t give a flying bleep about me. Demoralizing? Wow….

From the forums at

I’ve been married for about 4.5 years now. Two kids later, my wife weighs more than me (185) and is probably 60+ lbs heavier than when we got married. It has really started to affect everything!! She just started snoring like crazy at night. I end up going to the basement so I can sleep, but she just ends up getting mad at me.

Her favorite passtime is watching t.v. and eating. At this point, it seems like there is no hope in sight. I’ve given up on wanting any sexual realationship with her because A) it was never good to begin with (she has major insecurity issues thanks to her mom) and B) it’s just embarassing.

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Don’t get me wrong. I agree that a woman should consider the impact her extra weight might be having on her marriage and should be as sensitive to her husband’s feelings as she expects him to be to hers; but how is any woman supposed to feel motivated to get her figure back while her husband feels demoralized to be seen with her in public because she’s fat? Either she’ll keep eating and getting fatter out of depression or she’ll refuse to get her figure back out of spite. Knowing her husband did not make her feel beautiful even while she was fat but instead made her feel like she was an embarrassment and too hideous for him to touch won’t inspire too many women to lose the weight to please him. More likely they will wait until he divorces them then they’ll get their body back and flaunt it for someone else to enjoy.

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0 5 5049 10 October, 2010 Wife Bashing October 10, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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  1. DJ

    Oh i’m that boat man. Makes me hate her. With the wgt gain, snoring it also adds up to lack of sex. She wonders why i’m always mad and tired. I also work nights and grew up having trouble sleeping. She can be heard through the house. I told her to lose wgt. but gets mad at me. I seen her stop breathing to gasping for air. I don’t want her die! We have a 3 yr old. I’m about to cancel my trip to disney just because of her snoring. I had to take a few benedryl to help. One time I slept in the friggin’ lobby!. So now I run to mom’s house for sleep. I don’t want to stay up with her. I want nothing to do with her when the sun and son goes down. Its sad but…snoring has killed my marriage.

  2. Joe

    I understand! My wife has gotten heavier (obese) over the years, snores & is now 48 years old.
    She has a sedentary lifestyle & I worry that with her stressful job she’s a ticking bomb.
    I have absolutely no desire to have sex with her & we haven’t for several years.
    I know she would like to do it but I don’t & wonder if it would even be possible to now.
    I know I can’t tell her she’s overweight, she knows. I don’t know what to do :^/

  3. Bill

    Why do women need to be lied too and coddled? If my wife said I was fat and did not like it, I would Fing change! This so stupid! On what planet does someone need to go around pretending? If someone does not like the smell of dog crap are we really expecting them to smile and eat it so as to protect someone’s feelings? This poor guys wife is a total embarrassment. She cant possibly be that stupid she is obviously going to extremes to get ride him!!

  4. Willy Williamson, III

    If facebook and tv use were weight loss remedies they’d (fat wives) would be transparent. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 4 years or 24 years, a fat, lazy, low self esteem domesticated cow will make your life miserable. Along the way they’ll misplace important mail, forget to pay bills, ruin your credit, and be a pitiful source of sex (if you want to call it that) and BTW it WILL be your fault! Also, your house is never clean, dishes, laundry, even dry cleaning (Someone actually doing the work!) won’t be done.
    If they’re a slob when you meet them, they’ll be a bigger (dress size) slob years later. They are repulsed by the smell of household cleaning products (unless butter scented) and if you point out anything, you’re a mean $&@? NOW, For the plus size ladies, you FAT, disgusting, former 80s and 90s glamour queens, put down the phone and nail polish, FACT….. millions of women had 2,3,4 kids in previous generations and didn’t turn into the fricken Goodyear Blimp….so quit blaming it on your kids!!!!!….you’re the one that wants the McDonalds, not your kids….and there’s nothing “Happy” about the meal, your fat ASS or your marriage. Your husband appreciates this rant, share it with him sometime, he doesn’t want to see you….he’s hopefully sleeping soundly in the other room, he’s disgusted with you and your PIG snoring. Thank you, William Jefferson Clin….. oh crap

  5. Bob Anderson

    I understand you pain. My wife is obese and snores. She weighs more than me and I’m 235lbs and mostly muscle, by the way she is a FOOT shorter than me. I really feel like giving up on my marriage because this has affected me psychologically. I can’t sleep, I have severe depression and anxiety. Sometimes I just want to run away and never return home but, I do love her and try to encourage her to change her eating habits and workout but, she refuses to do so. I find myself eyeing other women and wishing that my wife was in-shape like them. I feel like I am trapped in a living hell with no way out. Sometimes I wish I were dead. I hope a figure a way out of my situation that’s positive for the both my wife and I. If anyone has any advice on my problem, please feel free to comment.


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