So what if you’re no longer attracted to your wife it doesn’t mean you can’t still have a good marriage with good sex
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So what if you’re no longer attracted to your wife it doesn’t mean you can’t still have a good marriage with good sex

There are many older couples who are still intimate. Do you think when they look at each other they get aroused at the sexy sight of each other? Attraction fades away for most of us. Believe it or not there are husbands married to young beautiful women who get to a point where they don’t feel that raging fire of desire for their wife any more. Granted they probably don’t look at their wives and feel turned off at the sight, and that’s probably what you’re dealing with right? Your wife got fat? She turned forty and got some gray hairs and wrinkles. She has sagging breasts and her skin is losing elasticity.  Meanwhile you’re still in pretty good shape. The years are being good to you. Your gray hairs and your wrinkles actually make you look like a distinguished older gentleman and you’ve even noticed younger women seem to look at you and smile a lot more than in the past. Why should you be saddled with a graying wrinkling, fat wife  you’re not attracted to when you can have something young and hot to keep you warm at night? Especially considering the added benefit that, according to some German scientists, being with a younger woman can help a man live longer?

Well clearly if you’re having these thoughts your relationship with your wife was never based on the kind of connection that allows a man to still feel close to his wife and still have the ability to be intimate with his wife and enjoy his wife even after she begins to show obvious signs of aging and puts on some extra weight. In that case, if physical appearance is what matters most  it’s perfectly understandable that you would want to trade in your wife at this point. After all if you can’t bear to look at her and the sight of her offends and disgusts you it’s probably more merciful for you to leave her so that she doesn’t have to endure the insult to her ego for every day that she stays married to you and gets a little older and a little more unattractive to you.

Incidentally, physical attraction is not necessary for you to have a good relationship with someone. It’s not even necessary for you to have good sex with someone.

If you lack the ability to see beyond the shape of your wife’s body, beyond the lackluster condition of her skin, beyond the graying of her hair, the wrinkling of her face, the extra layers of fat that have rid her of a discernible waist, beyond the saggy breasts then your wife was never more to you than an object. You never loved the person. You loved the object. Now that the object you loved is gone there’s nothing left.

On the other hand if you loved the person then you understand it doesn’t matter if you don’t think your wife is the hottest thing alive anymore. Your wife is more to you than that. You understand that she has arrived at this natural point in her life and she should not have her value reduced by the fact that she has gotten older; because aging should not make a person worthless. Certainly it should not make a wife worthless to her husband who is himself aging. And with a little imagination and determination a person can work up desire over a piece of plank.

Image: Corbis

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About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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