Will smith and jada pinkett open marriage – is ‘open sex’ the key to saving your marriage?
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Will smith and jada pinkett open marriage – is ‘open sex’ the key to saving your marriage?

Is it a sign that you’re insecure when you have a problem with the idea of an open marriage? And by contrast does it prove how secure you are when you are able to allow your spouse to be with other men or women? Apparently, according to a 2008 report, the actor Will Smith and his wife, actress Jada Pinkett Smith, have an open marriage meaning if one or the other desires to sleep with someone else they have their spouse’s permission to do it as long as the spouse is told about it.

The 2008 article attributed the following quote to Will Smith in answering to questions about how he keeps his marriage going strong:

“Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people. So sometimes we have the discussion: ‘Wow, this or that girl is freaking gorgeous.’ I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife.”

It is not known whether or not Will Smith did in fact claim he and his wife have an open marriage. There is no such statement made in the above quote but this conclusion was drawn and at the time of the article, based on an interview Smith is said to have given to a UK magazine, rumors ran rampant that the couple do have an open marriage where sex with other people is allowed.

Open marriage sounds like a variation on Holly Hill’s negotiating infidelity theme. Some wives figure their husband is going to cheat anyway so why not go ahead and let him know he can sleep with other women if he wants? That way he doesn’t have to go sneaking around. He’ll be open about the fact that he’s having sex with other people and she will always have the advantage because it’s less likely any woman her husband is sleeping with and telling her about will be able to steal him from her.

As for the question about whether an objection to the idea of open marriage implies insecurity whereas being open to participating in an ‘open marriage’ indicates you are secure in yourself and your marriage, neither is necessarily the case. Just because you don’t want to permit your husband to cheat doesn’t mean you are insecure in yourself and your marriage and just because you give your husband permission to cheat doesn’t mean you’re secure in yourself and your marriage.

Whether humans are monogamous or not by nature is still being debated, but what is fact is that monogamy is the socially acceptable practice. Regardless whether it’s realistic or not, when two people get married, assuming a traditional marriage as far as the vows exchanged, they agree to forsake all others till death. So to expect your spouse to remain loyal to you and to object to his/her interest in other people is perfectly reasonable given the agreement you made when you married. However, given the reality that it’s indeed difficult to avoid being attracted to other people and that unplanned things can happen when sparks fly, it could be to both partner’s benefit to consider an open marriage. This way one is not caught off guard by the discovery that the other cheated and their marriage does not subsequently fall apart.

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0 4 2216 18 October, 2010 Save your marriage October 18, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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4 comments

  1. Kelan

    Hopefully these open minded adults are also responsible but from what I hear only a small handful of adults are actually responsible sexually. Teenagers practice safer sex than their parents. Go figure.

    Reply
  2. kenny

    I am and always have been an open minded person but i put it to the back of my mind for a long time after i got married but it seems like for the last couple of years it have been a big put of my daily thoughts. Me and my wife talk about it and the only thing we end up doing is fussing about what i like and what she don’t believe in so now it has gotten to the point to we don’t even have sex with each other any more and really have no desire to because of the different sexually things we like i guess is my way of putting it! I am a man that take full blame for our sexual problems and i know it is my fault but what am i to do at this point because she is not about to change her way of thinking sexually and i am not either but some how we have been blessed to make this marrige work for 20 years and that is all my wifes doing trust me and i will admit that!

    Reply
  3. Sarah Mercedes

    Some of the greatest mistakes have come out of the best intentions – when the Smith’s took “forsaking all others” out of their marriage vows, they had come to a mutual understanding of what mariage met to them. The couple had talked to divorce Hollywood couples like Tom and Nicole, Demi and Bruce, to try to determine what went wrong and avoid the same path…and they have been together for 14 years!

    The ultimate fact of the matter, and as a woman, there is never a time when your significant other shows affection for another woman that does not bitterly sting. Being cool with it and accepting it as part of marriage vows does not erase the pain of when it happens. Even if Will called and asked for permission and if it was granted, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep unless I went out and met another person and had them in my bed to make the situation less hurtful.

    The part of the equation that I feel was neglected is the fact that when you put yourself in a situation in which you are intimate with another person, you don’t anticipate the fact that you might fall in love with them. Women are at a higher risk in this category. Men may have multiple affairs and it’s platonically for sex, but women will have very few flings, but are victims of falling in love of the relationship.

    I hope this couple works it out – I think they are soul mates trying to keep their marriage sacred – now just might be the time to change it and re-do the wedding vows and begin the last stages of life in a monogamous marriage!

    Reply

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