Is it a sign that you’re insecure when you have a problem with the idea of an open marriage? And by contrast does it prove how secure you are when you are able to allow your spouse to be with other men or women? Apparently, according to a 2008 report, the actor Will Smith and his wife, actress Jada Pinkett Smith, have an open marriage meaning if one or the other desires to sleep with someone else they have their spouse’s permission to do it as long as the spouse is told about it.
The 2008 article attributed the following quote to Will Smith in answering to questions about how he keeps his marriage going strong:
“Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people. So sometimes we have the discussion: ‘Wow, this or that girl is freaking gorgeous.’ I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife.”
It is not known whether or not Will Smith did in fact claim he and his wife have an open marriage. There is no such statement made in the above quote but this conclusion was drawn and at the time of the article, based on an interview Smith is said to have given to a UK magazine, rumors ran rampant that the couple do have an open marriage where sex with other people is allowed.
Open marriage sounds like a variation on Holly Hill’s negotiating infidelity theme. Some wives figure their husband is going to cheat anyway so why not go ahead and let him know he can sleep with other women if he wants? That way he doesn’t have to go sneaking around. He’ll be open about the fact that he’s having sex with other people and she will always have the advantage because it’s less likely any woman her husband is sleeping with and telling her about will be able to steal him from her.
As for the question about whether an objection to the idea of open marriage implies insecurity whereas being open to participating in an ‘open marriage’ indicates you are secure in yourself and your marriage, neither is necessarily the case. Just because you don’t want to permit your husband to cheat doesn’t mean you are insecure in yourself and your marriage and just because you give your husband permission to cheat doesn’t mean you’re secure in yourself and your marriage.
Whether humans are monogamous or not by nature is still being debated, but what is fact is that monogamy is the socially acceptable practice. Regardless whether it’s realistic or not, when two people get married, assuming a traditional marriage as far as the vows exchanged, they agree to forsake all others till death. So to expect your spouse to remain loyal to you and to object to his/her interest in other people is perfectly reasonable given the agreement you made when you married. However, given the reality that it’s indeed difficult to avoid being attracted to other people and that unplanned things can happen when sparks fly, it could be to both partner’s benefit to consider an open marriage. This way one is not caught off guard by the discovery that the other cheated and their marriage does not subsequently fall apart.