Reading any Victoria Beckham or Jada Pinkett Smith interview in which either is asked the secret to her happy marriage, you can infer from their replies that sex is the main ingredient keeping their marriage alive. Victoria Beckham is married to athlete David Beckham. Jada Pinkett Smith is married to actor Will Smith. These are two men who have no shortage of women throwing themselves in the path of their penises, yet both have been happily married to their wives for at least a decade; and to hear the wives talk the husbands are still as hot for them and they still as hot for the husbands as in the beginning.
While neither of the Beckhams has ever hinted at having an open marriage where each is allowed to have sex with other people, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have been rumored to allow each other to be with other people. If the rumor is true it would seem more likely Jada Pinkett Smith allows Will Smith to be with other women since he apparently needs lots and lots of sex to keep things going good for him and can’t help his natural impulse to be attracted to other women.
The real point here is, these women generally appear to be suggesting in their interviews that one way or another sex plays a big role in keeping their marriages going strong. They hint at the importance in keeping themselves sexy for their husbands and keeping things interesting in his bed; and it would seem that they also quite possibly believe in a wife making certain compromises to accommodate her husband’s desire for freedom to be with other women as well.
But is that the secret to a lasting, happy marriage, the wife making sure she always looks good for her husband regardless how she feels, going to whatever lengths are necessary to keep fat and wrinkles away, making garters and merry widow corsets part of her daily attire, keeping her breasts perky even if it means getting implants, upkeeping her vagina with vaginoplasty procedures if necessary, doing whatever it takes to make sure her husband maintains a sexual interest in her, putting on the sexual performance of her life on every occasion while accepting that, even while she blows his mind every time, her husband is still going to want to go and do it with other women? Does a wife need to make peace with and accept that on top of all the skills she has to learn in order to remain her husband’s Mrs., she must also learn the skill of deluding herself into believing she’s perfectly okay with him still needing to sleep with other women despite her nightly Oscar worthy performances between the sheets? Perhaps the answer is yes when you’re married to David Beckham and Will Smith; but most of us are not married to famous athletes and actors who get sexy offers from hot, young women as many times as they exhale in a given day.
The reality for the average married woman is that we don’t have the means to afford to look twenty-eight when we’re forty-seven. We also don’t have the motivation to put ourselves through so much turmoil just to try to keep our husbands at home. If our husband was David Beckham or Will Smith we’d probably be as motivated as Victoria and Jada to make sure we can compete with what’s out there throwing themselves at our man. We’d wear the merry widow corset with stockings and garter all day every day if necessary. We’d keep everything trimmed and toned and tightened. We’d learn how to twist our body into a pretzel to accommodate our husband in bed. But women who go to such lengths to try to hold onto a man under ordinary circumstances are usually considered pathetic and lacking in self respect.
The truth is, ‘real’ love is the only thing that can save a marriage and sex doesn’t necessarily contribute to the growth of love. If your spouse does not love you no amount of sex is going to change that. Remember when you were a teenager how you were told not to believe someone will love you if you give them sex. It still applies even inside of marriage. You can have sex ten times per day and it won’t do anything to save your marriage if love is missing. It might help your marriage last longer but that’s not the same thing as saving your marriage. That’s just someone staying around because what they are getting out of being there works for them.
If there is real, mutual love in your marriage but sex is creating a problem whether one person feels they aren’t getting enough or the other person feels they are having to do it too frequently, then working on the issues in your sex life could help save your marriage. As for ‘open’ sex, giving your spouse permission to have sex with other people can be very risky not just to your marriage but also your life.