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Fat wife – miserable husband – are Oprah and Dr. Phil to blame for your failing marriage?

I have to admit that after I read the post “Fat Wives Suck” on the website I felt really badly for the man who wrote it. It was clearly a heartfelt venting of very deeply felt frustration and not just a man trying to be mean for the sake of being mean. He was complaining about all the excuses his wife has made for not losing the extra weight she has put on and the lengths to which he has gone trying to encourage her to lose the weight, trying to remove the obstacles she’s claimed make it impossible for her to do what needs to be done to lose the weight and how it finally occurred to him that he was wasting his time because you just can’t make a problem like that go away for the person who has the problem. They have to want to fix it and they have to do the work to get it fixed. In his frustration he wrote:

All you men out there with fat wives, stop trying to change them. If they are fat it’s their problem not yours. Your only problem is you are stuck banging a fat woman for the rest of your life, if she lets you bang her at all. There is nothing [like] the social castration of marriage to suck the life out of a man. You[r] wife won’t have sex with you, but you can’t have sex with other women because you are married and it’s socially unacceptable. You can’t expect or demand you[r] wife to have sex with you because she is a woman, and a woman has a right to say no even to her husband. Expecting you[r] wife to have sex with you is socially unacceptable. (Thanks Oprah and Dr. Phil for that little slice of bullshit.) So you are stuck, socially castrated and your sex life is over before you turned 40. If you[r] wife decides to have sex (every 2-3 months) you have to grit you teeth and bang a fat woman. (Experience Project)

While I think it’s easy for people to talk when they are not the one with the weight problem I can certainly understand where the guy is coming from. It’s really not okay to just sit around and do nothing when you’ve gained too much weight to be healthy. It’s not even about looks or how it affects your husband, what your husband thinks and all that although that really does matter and is something you should consider. Being fat is not a crime; but it’s no more harmless to you than being depressed. Being fat and sitting around doing nothing about it is no different from being depressed and sitting around doing nothing about it, and it’s not fair to expect the people in your life to just sit around and accept you sitting around doing nothing to improve your condition. Overweight is as much a condition as depression is a condition. It’s not “the fact of who you are”. Overweight is not who you are. Overweight is something that happened to you that changed your normal appearance into something unhealthy and something that’s really not you at all and you really should care enough about yourself at the very least to do something about it. You can fix it if you set your mind to it, as difficult as it might be. There’s no reason to live with the condition.

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0 3 3088 08 November, 2010 Health & Fitness November 8, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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  1. patricia

    You’re still stuck banging a fat woman ??????!!!!! BANGING?? What, is this the smoking area outside the grade nine classroom? Coming to marriage with the expectation of how your partner should be FOR YOU is a surefire gaurantee of marital breakdown. Its also reflecting the typical narcissism of a teenager whose values are influenced by what he sees and hears on the shallow sitcoms and hears in the boy’s room at school.

    That being said, yes a wife does have the right to refuse sex occasionally but no, it should not be a habitual withholding. Marriage involves a commitment to meet each other’s needs, including sexual. If you’re a guy however, who is selfish, into his own concerns and who typically lives like he’s single except when it benefits him to be married, ie need someone to wash my clothes and cook my supper, don’t be a dolt and expect your wife to remain crazy about you. If you are taking out more than you are putting in, eventually your marriages emotional account will register in the negative. Marriage is for GIVING not for GETTING. Double meaning intended.

    Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean its okay for me to turn inward, stop showing an interest in my husband, gain weight and fail to manage my life properly. That’s a cue that I have something to deal with and take responsiblity for, not a licence to play the victim card and expect everyone around me to dance to my dysfunctional tune. It really irks me that many women today have a princess complex and really do think its all about them and they are supposed to be put up on a pedestal and be served and waiting on and treated like a queen, while themselves are completely self absorbed and will serve and bless no one! Marriage is about serving and blessing the other person. If more people got that there would be less divorces. I am not for marital rape by the way. I am not for abuse. I am also not for the idea that because ” I’m a woman” I can play head games with my husband and withhold from him either without a darn good reason.

  2. Michael Schwers

    Though I’ll be ridiculed for my opinion, I’ve always believe in the unwritten, yet binding marital contract between a man and a woman. A man finds a woman attractive. He courts here and they perform a series of compulsory social rituals before consenting to engage in intercourse (pre-marital or otherwise). Man offers a proposal of marriage and a promise to provide and care for the woman in the form of shelter, sustenance, financial security, etc. She in exchange provides sex on a regular basis and maintains her attractive appearance and the home provided to her so long as the man keeps in promise to provide and remains faithful. Sounds simple enough, yes? But now, consider all the laws passed in the United States which almost guarantee a woman ½ if not more of a man’s assets in the event the marriage fails. Once the ink is dry and the ring is on her finger, guess what? The proverbial ball is in her court and whatever decision she makes; whether it is to gain weight, have an affair, refuse to clean the home provided to her, are all in her purview. Should the roles be reversed and say the man fails to fulfill his promise to provide, the woman can leave and still take ½ of the assets with her. So you tell me what’s fair. A promise to provide for years on end only to be greeted by a woman who is nearly twice the size she was when you married her? Sounds more like a royal buggering to me. It’s no wonder our young men are avoiding marriage at all costs.


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