When I read this lady’s post on answerbag.com about how her husband keeps lying to her about how many affairs he’s had I was reminded of my own situation. In my case my husband insists he’s been unfaithful twice. I know he’s lying. He knows he’s lying, but he’s damned and determined to stick to his story to protect his lie. Case in point, he accompanied me to my doctor’s appointment the other day and I told him I was going to get tested for HIV because I didn’t want to continue on being irresponsible and not getting tested out of fear. His mentality was that it’s better not to know. I said to him that by not knowing and still going around having sex with people he was potentially putting other people’s lives at risk. I told him getting tested is the only responsible thing to do and I asked him to tell me for the sake of my sanity whether I am at high risk for testing positive. I said to him “I don’t care about the issue of you lying to me about how many women you’ve been with. I’ve given up on that already. It’s a non issue for me, but I would like to have an idea of what to expect when I get tested. If I know I’m at higher risk because I’ve been having sex with you for 13 years and you’ve been with multiple other women in that time and haven’t protected yourself nor cared where these women have been sexually, I won’t bother to hope for the best but will prepare myself for the worst.”
But it was still more important to my husband to protect his lie at all cost. He gets angry at me for daring to want to know the truth, for not letting it go. I’ve stayed and tried to make my relationship work over and over and over. I might pay with my life for that choice. If I had a daughter and that was her asking what she should do, if she should stay and make the marriage work I’d tell her to run. Run far. Run fast. And don’t ever look back.