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Has it been too long since you had sex with your husband or wife?

I read somewhere that women are their most sexually enthusiastic in their forties. Of course you can’t believe everything you read, especially when there are so many contradictions. I did also read that we’re more enthusiastic in our thirties. I just exited my 30s a couple of weeks ago. Most of my thirties were spent suffering a glaring lack of interest in sex; but throughout I noticed that I always became emotionally aware when too much time passed without any sexual activity.

The lack of sex actually seems to distance my husband and me from each other in a way. Although we still talk and go about our daily business there’s an obvious disconnection.  I guess for me personally because my husband is usually a pest when it comes to trying to get sex, when I manage to sleep through the night for a full two weeks without him trying anything, while I’m kind of guiltily grateful, I also get a little bit worried. Why has he taken no for an answer so easily? I suspect when I begin to feel that worry and that distance it’s on account of  my own need for intimacy which I’ve come to accept in the form of sex.

I’m reminded every time I get to a point of feeling like my husband and I are growing further and further apart that sex actually serves a deeper purpose at certain stages in a marriage. I think now is the time when lack of that intimacy has the potential to place a marriage at greater risk. When both of you are at a more mature age and beginning to feel less desirable, you become more vulnerable . You start to feel lonely and desperate, and if someone comes along who makes you feel interesting and sexy and wanted you’re more likely to grab onto that feeling and try to hold on for dear life.

So if it’s been a while since you had sex with your husband or wife, unless you don’t care if they are feeling lonely and desperate and distanced from you to the point where any attention they might get from someone else could lead to an emotional or actual affair, you might want to consider breaking the sexless cycle. I hate to hear it said but I’m inclined to agree with those who say that sex is important in a marriage.

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0 1 615 30 November, 2010 Save your marriage November 30, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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1 comment

  1. Dystonic Rxn

    Amazing. Just like early in the marriage was important but somehow later in the marriage sex becomes less important to one or both of the marriage partners.
    Only when there is a fear of loss of intimacy or even the relationship does the sexual relationship become important again?
    I am certain the causes of the decline of the sexual relationship are many. I will continue to not understand how the sexual part of the relationship is not viewed as important especially when it was important at one point or duration in the marriage.
    Please someone shed some wisdom.


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