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Couples who don’t have children together don’t have a real marriage

Apparently there’s a belief shared by some that if you and your husband/wife don’t have any children together your marriage is not a real marriage. Seems people who hold this belief think that children prove a husband and wife are in love with each other and if a couple have no children they are not really in love and their marriage is not a real marriage as compared to marriages where the husband and wife have children together. How people come to these conclusions is anybody’s guess. My husband and I don’t have any children together. I did bring a child into the marriage but decided even before meeting my husband that I did not want another child. I did not think at any point in our marriage while we struggled to make ends meet and struggled with out relationship that bringing a child into the picture would be good for anyone, especially the child. Does the fact that we have no children together mean our commitment to each other and to the marriage is less strong than that of the married couples we know? Does it mean we love each other less than couples with children love each other? I don’t think having children or not having children proves anything about a husband and wife’s love for each other and their commitment to each other.

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0 4 1282 10 January, 2011 Marriage & Family January 10, 2011

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  1. pixie+

    i think you are a smart woman. if there ever has been a research study done to determine the number of women who have babies in order to “keep” their husband (especially babies born to mothers and fathers after the age of 40) and if such babies produced marital bliss or simply bound the family together due to male obligation and social guilt. the results and findings might be staggaring. but only if those participating told the truth. it would be equally interesting to consider this research and compare social status and income levels. probably in the higher income brackets the number of babies born to parents over the age of 40 is greater while the numbers of divorces is less for the same group. premise: the more you have the more you fear losing it….men money, women, perfection perception/social status/livelihood/meal ticket. in areas where there is extreme religious influence, especially forms of Christianity, in a community there is likely to be an even higher incidence. i base this on my own informal research.

  2. lipglossncod92

    Its not that its not a “real marriage”, they just don’t go through what marriages do with kids. Couples who don’t have kids do have problems yes, but not as much stress and anxiety as the couples with kids. Its like they stay in a honey mooners stage, I’m actually jealous, me and my boyfriend (who didn’t think he could have kids) got pregnant only after a month of being together and we had a awesome best friend kind of relationship and we’ve known each other years! Now that I’m pregnant I’m hormonal, sex is awkward now when it was off the wall crazy and exciting, and its super stressful and we’re still learning each other!! Everything happens for a reason and every relationship is different. And i think but idk how our relationship would be today if I wasn’t pregnant, would we still be having fun or is me being pregnant keeping up together?

    1. lipglossncod92

      Oh.. And I have a 4 year old son from a previous relationship I was in for 7 years. So for my boyfriend having to take on the step dad role within a month of us being together is also very very stressful and we never really have our time together and its hard on him to have to share his time with me because I’m more focused on my son.

  3. Lucky guy

    Dw and I each brought a child into the marriage. Neither wanted more. We each took it very seriously that we were signing up to be parents of the others. I don’t know if that counts as having kids together in three marriage or not by those who would say you need kids for it to be a real marriage. I can say that it has been far more of a real marriage than either of us experienced before.


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