I’m just wondering if there are other men out there that do this because my husband does this and I don’t know how I should feel about it. I’ll wake up and find him having sex with me or maybe I should say having sex with my body since I think for him to be having sex “with me” I would need to be awake. Should I feel like I’m being used like a blowup sex doll or is this normal and acceptable behavior? Submitted by guest
Sex with sleeping wife
by Soliel
Based on a comment left below I have decided to expand this topic that was started by a guest poster with a story from my own experience. The comment in question appealed for the point of view of a woman who has some experience with the issue given that the majority of the comments below are from men.
My first experience with this happened before I married my husband. I had gone to live with him in his country. We had not yet been sexually intimate as we’d agreed when our relationship first started that we would wait until we were married. It had been about 4.5 years we’d been together by the time I went to live with my husband. I had already figured we would end up having sex before getting married but I didn’t expect it to be initiated the way my husband initiated it the very first night of my arrival. In the middle of sleeping I started to have a very erotic dream. It was so intense that my body had become aroused in reality to the point where it woke me up and I discovered this man, not yet my husband, was having sex with me. My body and my mind were not in sync as far as how they felt about it. My body was in a state of arousal but to my mind I was quite shocked and disturbed by the discovery. I felt I had been violated in the worst way imaginable regardless how my body felt. You can arouse someone’s body while their mind remains aware that what is going on isn’t right. Many a young girl is violated this way every day.
I didn’t make a big deal about it after and I don’t think I’ve ever made a big deal about it on any of the occasions that my husband has done it throughout our marriage; but I am never comfortable with knowing that while I’m sleeping my husband starts sexual intercourse with me. There have been times I have awoken aroused but that has never removed the feelings of discomfort even if I have participated in the sex after being awoken aroused.
I have never thought it was my husbands intention to violate me; but knowing it’s not his intention doesn’t mean you don’t still feel violated. I know sometimes he wants sex and I just want to sleep so I do sometimes tell him it’s okay if I’m sleeping and he does it–not that it’s generally okay but that it’s okay on that specific occasion; but unless I give him permission I don’t think it’s something he should be doing especially if he’s doing it with the intention that I will sleep through it and not know about it. It doesn’t matter if I wake up in the middle of it on the verge of the most explosive orgasm in history; if the intention was to have sex with my body and for me to stay sleeping through it and therefore be completely unaware unless in the morning I sense my body had been used, this is absolutely not okay unless I have previously indicated that I don’t mind and you can do this to me any time you like.
Everybody is different and boundaries need to be respected. Just because one man’s wife might have no problem with it doesn’t mean your wife is being unreasonable for having a problem with it. If your wife doesn’t mind then she doesn’t mind. If she does mind, then please don’t write her off as a being a bitch for it.
In my husband’s case, except for that night–the first night of my brief time living with him in his country 18 years ago–I’ve never believed it was his intention to use my body and for me to sleep through it. He wanted sex. I was sleeping. He felt it was okay to go ahead and have sex with me anyway. He’s my husband. I’m his wife. It’s not like he found himself sleeping next to a woman that he’s not involved with and he decided to steal sex from her while she was sleeping. He would understand that would be rape; but when it’s his wife, his sex partner, he considers it okay to do this. In a way I can’t fault him for thinking it should be okay; but at the end of the day, a person’s body belongs only to herself or himself.
If you particularly like to have sex with your wife while she’s sleeping but she has a problem with it and finds it creepy, talk to her about it. Explain to her why you like having sex with her while she’s sleeping. Help her understand it because right now she finds it creepy and if you keep doing it you’re putting your marriage at risk because she isn’t going to be comfortable with you. She’s going to think she’s married to a creep. She’s going to feel like you’re violating her in the worst way and you don’t care that you are violating because you keep doing it even though she complains. That makes it even creepier and sends out other damaging messages about how little you love her and how little you respect her.
You are not alone.Im going through the same thing…I’m so numb from whats going on.
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its normal its actual very sexual im still trying to figure out the secretes to doing this with out waking up my wife before i even make it all the way but its like a great sex act imbrace one time i woke up to my wife having sex with me she said she had been at it for atleast 10 mins before i woke up and after i woke up i went along with use it to spruse up ur sex life
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If you are in agreement then all is well.
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I noticed after asking my husband for a divorce he began doing it to me. It is very disturbing
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Well, i have done it.. twice i am ashamed that i did it. however, i went to therapy to see what they said. They said that in in my life lately things have been missing. wife out drinking, im worried sick about everything, mostly her health. so they said that in the back of my mind im taking what i believe i deserve, a stressrelief. i still feel bad about it. but she (terapist) kinda justified it..
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It’s normal. Guys get horny girls get sleepy. Is it hurting anyone?
Also, make sure you have an agreement with your wife outlining you are allowed before you give this one a try.
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I’m pretty sure if there is no consent first, then it’s not okay! My ex boyfriend did this once and that was the beginning of the end for me.
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Think of this for a moment from the man’s perspective. There is nothing as awesome as being awakened by your partner giving you a blowjob. It is totally – mind blowingly – awesome. A man, not totally up on the mechanics of a females anatomy, foolishly believes he can recreate this experience for her. He honestly believes it will send his mate over the edge.
I don’t believe that it is anything akin to rape. It’s just extremely awkward foreplay.
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I watch my wife play with herself, while she is asleep. she does things, she won’t with us both awake. I love to watch but would like to be more involved. when she is awake and I ask. I am just a man ad all we think about it sex. but it’s so hot to just watch her go at it herself. I will sometime move in as she finishes.
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I have done this too. Early in our marriage, she said it was fine – she even encouraged it. About eight months ago, that changed. She woke up, freaked out, punched me, said she felt violated. Somehow, some repressed event that had happened to her when she was younger (which I had no idea about until after the fact) was dug up. I see these posts where wives are okay with it and I have to admit, I’m jealous. I’m in a virtually sexless marriage with a super hot wife. It sucks.
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Almost the same boat. She told me she was OK with it until a few times after it actually happened. Now it’s absolutely not. I guess she didn’t like it in practice.
Play a sad tune on your Mandolin for us, I’ll drink a beer, and we can wallow together. Cheers
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I have been married for almost 20 years and my husband has been having sex using my body several times a week for years. I have asked him not to force me. I have asked him not to do me while I am sleeping. I have asked him not to do me when I am sick. He does it anyways. The more he forces me; the less I find him sexually appealling. I do feel violated when he does me when I am sleeping. We went to counselling and the therapist just called him a sex addict and made excuses for him. It is hard to even get a papsmear done now. Basically if you don’t like it, then leave because it will continue to happen. I believe that marriage is only for men and children and offers little for women in general… imho. Marriage is a free sex tickat and most consider you sais “Yes” when you said “I do.”
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You are all correct. If you ask a man to stop and he doesn’t, that’s rape, its selfish, and its wrong. Sure you may be addict or just want to get off. TAKE A COLD SHOWER. But, that being said, my wife and I do it. We’ve even taped it. She’s shy awake and confident in her sleep, so we watch the tapes and laugh. We outlined what I can and can’t do early on (awake) and we stay in those parameters. It’s fun. But we love and trust eachother so that’s what matters. Try to open up. You might like it. If you don’t, and you ask for it to stop and it doesn’t, then you’re damn right its time to leave, because if he won’t respect you when you’re asleep when else is he disrespecting you?
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You are way to bitter and trying to spread it to others. Marriage is just for men and children. You should be ashamed.
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No she should not be ashamed. If she is not happy with her lot she is entitled to feel bad. Shame on you for saying that. It is not right and it should stop, he is taking liberties. He should hang his head in shame. If it makes her miserable she will get bitter, she is being honest.
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She should be ashamed. If she doesn’t like the way things are going, CHANGE IT!!! I tired of everyone complaining of things they can change. Life is about choices, make the right ones, live with the consequences otherwise. If she won’t change the way things are going, leave, otherwise, SHUT UP AND QUIT WHINING!
On the topic at hand, my husband does this to me all the time. I told him it was fine as long as he doesn’t wake me up, if he does he stops and goes to sleep. The way I see it, as long as he’s having sex with me, he can’t be having sex with someone else. Keep your men happy and they will stay.
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I agree completely!
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well, guess i m odd. I love to wake up to a man having sex with me,,,my husband of course but I do have some fantasies about others as well.
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The odd time can be nice, but when you are ill? When you are expected to tolerate when ever he fancies it regardless is no joke. No one should feel obliged to oblige what ever state they are in. Sex addict is a farce, they are just not willing to control their urges. Do i sound bitter? Just angry at the disrespect.
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Sex addition is a real thing; a reason, but not an excuse. Since she’s the one primarily affected by his behavior, she has to decide if he’s too much a problem to tolerate or not, that’s basically how it boils down.
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For a long time I dated a girl where I’d be mostly asleep and start getting frisky. We’d both be dreaming or barely conscious and go all the way. I really enjoyed it, and so did she. I often wake up about an hour after going to bed extremely horny! I’m also very turned on by the idea of taking my time, me doing all the work, and really enjoying my partner; something that is hard to do when they’re fully awake and more demanding or distracted. Nearly same effect is achieved by a long thorough massage.
Now, however, I’m married to a woman who I love very much but is 100% not OK with it. She felt the same way as the original poster and some of the commenters. It’s her right to decide whether it’s OK or not, no matter how frustrating it is for me to have sleepless nights and have to reject my own desires. Part of wanting it while she’s sleeping I think is to avoid what feels like constant rejection (her sex drive is MUCH lower than mine… One a month is plenty enough for her, but she sure demands it when she wants it) and create a situation where she “accepts” me and I’m still not bothering her. Other options don’t work either – She won’t be subjected to long sessions, deep relaxation massages, or being woken up for midnight delight.
I’d say it’s rare but not freakish to want it, but if you say no, he has to respect it. If not, you need to go your separate ways because you will grow to hate him for it.
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one night i couldnt sleep so i just decided to challenge my turned-on self to see how far i could get w my lovely wife – not very far but after many sleepless nights of subtle attempts to enjoy the adult comfort of her while she slept i finally made it all the way(i had to be sooo slow and gentle the whole time). so this initial experience took about 2 hours to perform, a liitle lube and allot of patience! she wondered the next day why she was so wet. i told her she had a wet dream. ha! so 1 year later im stil whenever i can enjoying my wifes amazing sex while she sleeps and its such a sexy secret!
i first spoon her from behind with a pillow between our knees – this helps her fall asleep deeper/faster and also makes it easier for me to manuver myself down there. i usually have to wait an hour slowly rubbing her so her body gets used to a general feeling there. i had to study her body closely for a while to learn abouts when shes out; when i can start to try and touch her.(she twitches a little and thats the point i know shes out). i found using condoms( so she doesnt get too goey in the morning) a little lube and going super gentle and slow seems to be a good combo. and i have to be done by the first 2 hours of her sleeping because otherwise she rolls over and its then impossible lest i be caught! ha! many nights it just wont work because either shes too restless or i cant stay hard long enough. and ive had to learn to be semi hard at the initial point of entry to enter her without her stiring. its quite a tough sexy challenge!
yeah i should probably tell her but i love that its my little secret. but shes so giving to me and wants me to be happy that i know when i do tell her shell be totally down. it makes her happy when i have orgasms and happyness via her sexy body/mind. now thats a kick a wife! total keeper!
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It’s a sleeping beauty kink, there is nothing wrong with the sleeping beauty kink, or any other kind of sex….but like any kind of sex, it kinda um, REQUIRE consent.
I find the idea of sexing on someone, or being sexed up while I’m still asleep kinda a turn on, because sleep =/= dead, it does equal vulnerable and out of it though, and thus, prior consent. This goes for tying someone up too, duh.
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As far as I know, this has never happened in my 20+ year marriage, but I recenty told him, if I go to bed with my panties off, vaginal is fine (I’m a light sleeper, no meds or alcohol, so seriously doubt I wouldn’t wake up), otherwise he has to wake me. Kind of like college when you would put a sock on the door as a sign so your dorm mate wouldn’t come in while you were getting busy with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course, since I told him this, I haven’t actually gone to bed panty-less. Still working up to that. Maybe this weekend
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Oh, I just feel so guilty that this has turned out to have caused problems in our marital life.I do not get enough sex and left with a high desire.like someone mentioned it takes hours to get into a position( mainly Anal,vaginal if she is very sound asleep) but I have been caught during the act several times.I’m losing my sleep over it wanting to wait for the moment she passes out.though I feel very guilty,I’m still doing this almost on a daily basis.if she tosses around,I usually masturbate besides her after I’m totally wet with lubrication.it kind of gives me more pleasure and a deeper sleep after that.I woul be so happy if this happened the other way around.I do feel sorry for her though!!
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My wife and I had a huge fight when she found out I was mastrubating…..I told her that twice a month was not enough for me and she said that I should wake her up if I needed sex. so now every Saturday night and Wednesday morning I start when she is sleeping and /if she wakes up either she gets up to go pee or is really into it. Sometimes I think she’s having a dream about someone else & that’s OK because I would! I usually initially feel like i am using her but then I hear her enjoying it and that’s when I start enjoying her. Usually she wakes up so don’t know if my input is valid here but hope it helps. and good to know others are doing the same thing.
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Better make sure your all she wants if not better get it fix fast before the worst happens.
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Thou shalt roll on thine belly and spread thine ass cheecks. Bare thine stinky starfish and be thankfull that somebody wants to touch you at all. Because you all bitch to much. And I wouldn’t want to be married to any of you. I can wake up my wife with my penis or toungue or fingure whenever I want and she loves it. Plus on a scale from 1 to 10 of hottness she is probably about 14 points better than any 2 of you combined. So she can afford to bitch. But she doesn’t. Because she likes it. Because she loves me. If you don’t want your mans penis to touch you then you should probably reconsider being married to him. Prude ass. You make me sad.
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This whole page is f**king disturbing. There are sick sick sick disgusting weird FREAKS in the world. It’s not ok. Period! Consent is needed and if the other person is unaware or asks you to stop then stop!!!!! How anyone could do this at all is gross. What the hell is wrong with you people?! And all of you men who say that you do it, and your wives don’t know, I hope that karma bites you in the dick, because you are a sick bastard. You don’t even deserve to have a penis. It’s horrid and disturbing that men do this. If my husband did this I would be in jail. There is no doubt about it. And Jesus- You’re a horrible person who obviously has no respect for women and I feel sorry for you and I definitely feel sorry for your “super hott” wife. What an idiot for marrying such a jerk. I am appalled at the craziness I just read on here. What is wrong with people???!!! I am SO SORRY for you women that are dealing with this. RUN!!! RUN!! RUN!! This is NOT ok!!!!! Get the hell away from these sick freaks and get some legit therapy. Anyone with a brain would know that this is wrong and try to give real help.
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I could literally have sex with my wife every day. Sometimes shes more up for it and if I’m depressed I may not be so inclined (rare as hell though) and vice versa. I recently caught her having and emotional (mostly) affair with her collegue/teacher so once we patched things up I gave the “have sex with me when Im sleeping, I don’t mind, it would be really hot” idea more than just thought. I slowly touch her and eventually enter her slowly and gently. Ive done it twice to the point of orgasm, and even though we had sex earlier I decided to do it tonight (although she rolled over onto her back so I had to finish on my own). She knows and is fine with it. It took years for me to build up the courage (it just seemed wrong) but she consents and regardless of how much she has sex with me awake (where I do want it to be about her pleasure as much as mine) in a vulnerable time its nice to know she is giving me the power to do something that basically amounts to total domination. It does worlds for my self esteem and honestly is helping our marriage recover from a pretty messy disaster. I agree consent is manditory… I just want to say her giving of her self so selflessly is a MAJOR TURN ON. I’ve always said I do anything within reason for her as long as she treats me right; now I’ll do that and more because of the trust she’s giving me to build back some trust she broke.
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This is gonna be different for everyone. This will also vary circumstantially. Talking is the best way to understand your partner’s wants, needs & allowances. Be caring (if you don’t care or know they don’t…you’re concerned with something way past what you should focus on). There’s a happy medium in every good relationship. Remember, give & take and most importantly, COMMUNICATE. Sex with a sleeping partner isn’t always a good or bad thing. It depends on what you’re both comfortable with. Do what you like. And don’t share your bodily fluids with someone you don’t really want to be part of YOU anyway! For a night or a lifetime, be caring & realistic. Especially about yourself. You might even find your biggest turn-ons are something you’ve yet to try. Talk and listen to each other. I swear it works.
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Me and my wife have done it many times. i for one absolutely love it when i wake up to her giving me a good lick, ive woken up a few times to her riding me, she gets a kick out of seeing how far she can get without waking me up, but always wakes me before she has an orgasm. and when i sleep with her while she sleeps i dont think i ever can bust faster, normally during intercourse it lasts 20mins to an hour and we have to get each other off before were done. but when shes sleeping its like a whole new challenge, 1st start with the breast, play with it and suck it, she wont wake up. keep doing that until shes wet, then start to finger her for reassurance she wont wake up, then the hard part, spread her legs into position. if she stays asleep through that then its a gogo. i never, neeever bust in less than 10 mins normally, but after all the effort and patience it takes to get her while she sleeps, i dont even last 5 mins. and she loves hearing the stories later on. whether she would start to wake up, get pissy an roll over(sometimes i get pissed at that but we always laugh about it) or slightly wake up and get extremely horny before falling asleep again, or completely waking up and having amazingly brief sex that she doesnt remember. and to that stupid dike who said marriage is only for men, learn to marry the person you love and love to be with in every way. withholding a man from sex is like giving a dog a bone with 3 coats of plastic lamination on it, it has it but it cant enjoy it. imagine how ure partner must feel, that he has such a strong desire for u and wishes to express it by doing the ONE thing he can never do with any other girl, yet u give him none in return, that coming from the supposed woman who “loves” you. it would make him insecure about himself and question his manhood, “am i not good enough, does she love me but is not attracted to me, what am i doing wrong”… stingy bitch. you have no idea what happens to a mans emotions and body when he has that kind of passion for u.
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oh i just read Whits comment, or should i say stupid C U Next Tuesday Criticism. ill guarantee ure husband touches u in your sleep, maybe not gets in, but touches u. who the hell are u to say that what others find sexually appealing are wrong. Jesus C. seems to be PERFECTLY FINE with his wife, and im sure his wife would agree ” on a scale from 1 to 10 of hottness she is probably about 14 points better than any 2 of you combined. So she can afford to bitch. But she doesn’t. Because she likes it. Because she loves me. If you don’t want your mans penis to touch you then you should probably reconsider being married to him.”- u have any idea how many woman would find that to be a compliment if that was their partner. shut the hell up u prude. If ure violating a woman while she shouts no, or wakes up to feeling raped/violated. then hell yeah, thats where u shouldnt do it. but tell me this….why the hell would u feel violated by the man, the only man, who lives with u, sleeps with u, trusts in u, and has a deep desire for u. what the hell makes him any different weather ure asleep or not…its u isnt it, sheeit, would u prefer he sticks it in the local bar maid while u sleep? thats more reassuring for u right? really shows he wants ONLY u. get the hell over ureself, ure body is his body and im sure as hell he would feel the same, that his body is ure body, do what u want. damn prude. ure prolly the kind of woman who feels she has all the rights to the relationship and treats ure partner like a well trained lapdog, i would turn a cold shoulder to any girl like u no matter how hot u were.
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My wife does not mind me doing this act, we have been married for 24 years. She had caught me once and she joined in. No one gets hurt as we both give consent
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I sometime wake and seeing my beautiful wife, get so horny and desires for so bad that ill start having sex with her rather awake or not. She dont mind it as long its only her I want which is the only one I want. Some ill finish and a few hrs later, she’ll wake me and make me go again the way she want it. So I have to be fair, I take what I need but have to give what she needs.
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After reading all of the above comments, some of which I disagree with I would just like to add some words too.
I once did this with my wife after waking in the night feeling so freaking horny I had to do something and she had already indicated that she was against masturbation (unless it was her doing it of course! women logic!) so I just impulsively rolled against her and spooned her slightly widening her ass cheeks and rubbing it against her clit until I got off. At the time I was very randy.. mostly because she expected me to be ready and up for it any time she needed and if not sex she wanted reassurance and affection. Well thats exactly what I wanted to give and more and since she was against me going solo I just felt that she probably wouldnt mind me being kinky afterall, how great would it be if it was the other way round and she was getting it off? I would be fine with that even if I never even reached orgasm, especially if I didnt need to orgasm every other day…
Although in retrospect I had become hooked on sex at the time and was having uncontrollable urges and acting on them unreasonably… nevertheless our commitment to each others feelings and wellbeing was more important than getting prissy about it.. but at first she would sometimes wake up and get off on it and she sometimes would turn round or get into it and sometimes she would laugh at the thought when she woke up and found her knickers wet… we would talk about it as being another kink in our sex lives… until one night she told me it was doing it for her anymore and just like that she told me she didnt feel comfortable with me doing it and we spoke about it and she said it was a selfish thing and sex should be for two people to share the experience not only one person getting off which confused me because that really wasn’t the nature of our relationship although at that point maybe things had gone too far, so I regretted what I had done and started to feel ashamed and bad and agreed to her that I wouldn’t do it like that anymore. That kink was extinguished for me within a few months I suppose.
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Yet recently she may have been going to bed different times as me and when I would come to bed if she was still awake or half awake sometimes I want to spoon her or nudge into her a bit even just to feel comforted or maybe even for a bit of a kink being honest, but not all of the time and mostly for reassurance and to have a good sleep.
Guess what happened? She was not in the mood and the whole thing just got out of hand especially as I was actually kind of horny one night but as I also saw that she was a bit down I thought trying to initiate a bit of a kinkiness might help her to: (a) get in the mood and: (b) unwind and relax and help relieve her of her stress; I really was not being selfish to add on to what happened I was very sexed up by the thought of getting some too, but instead she coldly and loudly rejected me and my attempts. I respected her wish not to engage in sex but I was hurt by how loudly she was about it as we share a place with others who would overhear us and thought hurt my self esteem and I felt knocked that (1) she didnt seem to trust my reasons and (2) she didn’t respect how I felt and what I desired as she had been putting me off so much that masturbation and titilating myself was becoming normal and more accessible even being tempted by online filth. Of course, it was far easier for her to forget my needs and to wallow in her own negative emotions.. naturally I got ticked off and she just basically expected me to shut up and go to sleep?!
Well if u have managed to read this far I will tell you how I managed to show her what it feels like. It needs a lot more control and restraint to do this and with some awareness about women logic and how women feel and react in general I had a bit more understanding about what I did to deal with the situation, which was this:-
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I waited until we were both calmed down after that the following day and when a suitable time presented itself, I suggested to her as we were awake and had chance, we could maybe have some time alone and get laid.. so we we got going and I got her feeling real turned on and horny and in the mood so much she started pressing her body and legs against me and shaking her ass -
then i began to stop and just make her to keep feeling aroused and stimulated and horny but without having release and climax – because boys and girls – a quick anatomy lesson – a mans penis sticks out and throbs observably in front of his eyes when he has an erection and feels so hard and unrelenting.. in addition to other hormone factors that anybody feels when they are stimulated or aroused – even a priest when asked by a Christian woman if it was “ok” to sleep with her significant other before they were married (even if nothing takes place) – he replied he will feel something (ie get aroused) unless he is either gay, or doesnt like u that much… hence the reason why men get turned on to women and feel more horny especially when alone in bed with them (is there a better place other than this to get horny?)
btw if u dont like men getting horny go and find somebody who is gay, or gets action elsewhere then u can sit reading ur bed time book and rollover and go to sleep if u need or want anything u can always pay the services of a “bellboy”
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the moral of the story… women don’t know how men are really feeling when they are aroused because they wouldn’t like it if u just pulled out half way into the act and finished ur self off in a tissue or something… the boot has to be on the other foot for them to fully understand and as they process things more based on “feelings” and “women logic” and are notoriously prone to change their minds (yes tonight honey.. means no I changed my mind, and no not now, can mean I want u to seduce me more or “more foreplay please”) don’t get me wrong NO is NO is NO, but just maybe she might change her mind.. or even regret saying no later…
This world is way more than we think…. its easy to gloss over these issues or label people with labels like “sexaholic” or “addict” but that only complicates matters more and is not a responsible way of dealing with the situation it basically amounts to name calling and using it as an excuse for behaviour.. so guys don’t get depressed if u are having a HARD time.. remember u dont have to take matters into ur own hands, if u have someone who cares and shares they will understand.. otherwise maybe finding somebody who can help relieve the tension isn’t such a bad idea? what they dont know cant harm them, right? they wouldn’t worry if u became hooked on pornography or masturbated so much u lost interest in regular sex would they? but who wants to become like that? its way more healthy to hook up with someone intimately.. if not ur significant other maybe there is somebody else waiting in the wings? because lets face it – thats pretty much what rejection feels like doesn’t it? first we say i dont need anybody else – I will look after this myself – then we start rejecting those who reject us and the relationship self-destructs….
So end of rant – grow up – grow some balls and do what u have to do if u can avoid breaking the law (rape) by doing something lawful who gets hurt? problem solved…
(sorry if these posts look too long but this is my effort to redress the balance here)
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and I wish u all a happy love-life and settled relationships.. having somebody who cares is truly more important than getting laid.. keep that in ur mind as much as u can..
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you all seriously need to do your research. Sexsomnia is a REAL sleep disorder! my husband has it nd we didnt know it until the past 2 nights we have been woken up by having sex the first time we both thought the other initiated it because neither of us knew what was going on until we were already doing it. last night the same situation only this time we didnt wake up until after the act was done and was at a loss so naturally for me when i have questions i look for answers from doctors not others. if your spouse suffers from Sexsomnia the only thing you can do is ask them to sleep on the couch or other room when you arent up to having sex. its a disorder… treat it like such.
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@sexsomniawife, your husband knows fully well he initiated sex with you while you were sleeping and he was wide awake. You’re clearly just so exceptionally gullible that he’s able to make you believe he was sleeping and had no idea how the sex got started. And lucky for him there’s data available on the internet about sexomnia so he just points you to it as proof that what he’s telling you is possible and you believe it because you don’t want to believe the real truth.
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Hi,
I never did it i’m married for 6 years now and i get sex every 3 monts once thats all, i cant even think of doing it not because i don’t want to but if i touch my wife while shes sleeping i will get a hard slap!!!!
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oops, i thought that me alone doing this!!! sleeping sex!!! come across here and found out that u also reach here for same reasons.
After 5 yrs of married with 2 children, i found out that sex while sleeping is enjoyable.
First time feel so bad that i did wrong thing… but told my partner that i did while she sleeping-deep sleep. She say not to repeat but i convinced her that i had good sleep after doing that, then ok to me. so i do enjoy alone and whenever she want to have with me i made her fulfillment too. had even anal act..
The point is, tell ur partner what u did. if she’s ok then… enjoy… else stop it.. sex is part of happiness..
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Grow up people, half you yappy ladies…. If you don’t want your man to cheat on your then spread them legs everynight for them…
My wife enjoys it when I have sex with her while she’s sleeping. It’s not like she doesn’t feel it, once I enter she’ll be awake and moun telling me to stick it inside and harder…
To call it rape, it’s been challenged and lost in court already… Unless you are not married then it’s rape…
By denying your husband of sex, I hope he’ll stand up to you and find someone else….
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You are absolutely wrong. A woman can press charges against her husband for rape! If there is no consent, it’s rape. Period. Men are being arrested and jailed all the time for having sex with women who don’t give consent, and this very much includes husbands. If she finds out and hasn’t given permission or has already said no, she can call the police and the husband will be arrested for domestic assault. Just because you are married does not give you a right to rule over her body. You do not own her body like you believe you do. You MUST have permission or you risk being faced with rape charges. This is illegal.
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You know I’m just curious, for the past few months or so my wife and I wake up with either her on top of me or me on top of her, or me or her doing something with eachother. I’m not really too sure why this is happening? Our Sex life is average especially with a 1 yr. old. So I’m curious is this normal?
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I suffer from sexsomnia and it does wonders for my marriage. I have a low sex drive and my hubby’s is through the roof. He has sex with me every night when I am asleep (I always initiate it apparently), sometimes anal, and I sleep through the whole thing, although he tells me that I’m very responsive in my sleep. He gets his leather and I get the brownie points. Everyone’s a winner. I don’t remember a thing the day after. He fills me in on all the juicy details
However, if I didn’t “suffer” from sexsomnia, I’d chop his knob off if he tried it on with me whilst I was sleeping.
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Hi I have been married for 28 years. I am a Christian and want to keep my sexual attention directed to my wife so I asked. She said it is ok but wanted to have a paper towel in position to keep the bet from getting wet or dirty.
The Bible says: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
So God knows how easily we are tempted so he has given this command to married couples not to deprive oneanother. I If sleep sex fullfills that command then so be it.
According to this verse married couples should be either be praying or pumping . Following this verse would probably generate much more prayer in the Church. There is no victorian sex ethic in the Bible. That is a a fallacy!
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hmmm…WTH. No…I am not into waking up to full on sex. Being touched and fondled is one thing (then I can join in). But it would feel to ‘rape’ like to wake up to something that wasn’t initiated. One person said that if it was something agreed to before hand – then cool. I would agree with that…if my husband were to make it a continual habit then I would probably go with it…but I do admit its kind of weird.
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I try to poke her in the ass once in a while. As soon as I hit the target she usually rolls over and I go in the other room to jerk off.
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After reading all these comments, I wonder if your wives were “really” sleeping?? Because, my husband has done this to me several times and every time he thinks he’s being sneaky and EXTRA gentle, little does he know I’m awake the whole time and I just let him experiment and enjoy my body while he thinks I’m knocked out…lol…I have to admit its such a turn on at times for me that I join in and get mines while he’s at it.
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I often wonder how many women out there loved regular sex untill they got that ring on their finger, and then the other one closed up. Continually hearing ” NO” is the quickest way to send a fellow looking elsewhere for sex, and then the divorce rate goes up
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Many years ago I woke to my husband having sex with me. We laughed about it at the time but I now realize he has no sexual ethics (which may be considered an oxymoron). Not so funny now.
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wear a onsie to bed
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Quite normal i’d say. If you don’t like it, just turn the other cheek!
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I am reading through these comments and I sometimes wonder what on some women mind. If you are with someone (preferably married), you should have the mind set that his body is yours and your body belongs to him. I am not talking about abuse! I am talking about experimenting with it and loving it. I do have sex with my wife sometimes when she is asleep. Sometimes she wakes up and joins in, sometimes I am not sure if she is awake, and sometimes she will ask in the morning. I am always honest with her and sometimes she scold me for not waking her up. The point is that good men want to experiment with their wives and sometimes when wife is asleep and they are awake, that’s when the urge comes on. Would you rather them waking you up? I for one would not mind waking up to a blow job. I believe couples (especially married couples) try to model their lives after mainstream media believing that when you are together with someone you can say no whenever. While you have the right to do so, this is not a good ingredient to a successful relationship. I know for me I use to had oral sex! Yes, I did. But my wife wanted it all the time. However, after doing it for a while and seeing that she enjoyed it so so much. I started enjoying it myself. Now I can’t wait to please her. Again, I believe that if a woman feels violated when their partner have sex with them while they are asleep, there are other underlying problems in the relationship. If the couple are secure in their relationship, then this should not be an issue.
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LOL, the differences in people. Married 25 years, cheated once 21 years ago, been cheated on many times. Wife says… girls “pretend” to be asleep but enjoy the attention.
Personal belief is that a husband and wife should be a team. NOT the standard bf/ gf thing. It’s a lifelong commitment to each others futures and needs.
That being said, be open, be honest, RESPECT each other.
Currently I don’t get nearly enough sex with my wife, so I have had many thoughts of cheating lately, and even of moving on, sadly. So to all the prude types, you may want to think about it.
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Newsflash: NO, some of us women are NOT AWAKE OR AWARE. It is NEVER okay to use someone’s body without consent. Contract or not. Period.
My husband woke me up during our dating days a few times by initiating sex; I had no problem with it as I (wrongly) assumed he meant for me to wake up and was doing it b/c he desired me (not just my body).
Six years later he now confides that he’s been doing it all along to “see what he can get away with” before I wake up. Now, gentlemen, listen to the facts before replying with your cock: My husband and I have a great sex life and we’ve never turned each other down or quibbled about being…creative. But to find this out after so many years makes me feel very used. I won’t bother to share more b/c, based on the replies I see, it’s mostly men posting and justifying their own behavior.
LADIES: this is not okay if you did not give permission. I’m not sure what to feel or think or do just yet…we have 2 wonderful kids…but right now I don’t even want him to touch me…and he’s a very kind and gentle person…but apparently selfish. Guys: don’t bother posting a reply for me personally b/c I will NEVER return to this thread. I was searching for women’s insight but it doesn’t seem to be here.
To Kevin — the bible was rewritten numerous times by men for the main purpose of power and control. Do your homework. Your reply only furthers this fact. I am a very spiritual person but this sort or religious nonsense has no place in modern day society.
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Guys hate it when a woman gets us all ready for sex then when we get out of the shower she’s fast asleep. If it bothers you when a man does a B & E. ( Breaking and entering ) than have with him or don’t promise him sex unless your going to commit to it. Just be happy he’s not going out and having sex with someone else because your too busy or keep falling asleep on him.
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I agree with you. If you have a healthy sex life, its not right especially after you expressed to him how you feel about it. But please don’t let that mess up your marriage because it seems like’s a good guy other than that. May sleep in tighter under clothes so that he can’t remove them without you waking up. Try a pair of male boxer briefs for a short term fix but this needs to be resolved to save your marriage.
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I absolutely LOVE when I am woken up with d*ck or with me in his mouth! It’s the est feeling ever! I love that my husband enJoys it! I always wanted that to happen to me and then the first time he did I was so happy I found someone who does exactly what I desire, not just about this but everything really. I’m a very heavy sleeper like extremely so it’s the best way for me to be woken up without getting grumpy!! People Just need to find someone that enJoys doing things they want! Life is to short to be miserable. If someone loves u they will WANT to please u.
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This maybe from a very different woman’s perspective but I enjoy when my husband has sex with me while I’m sleeping. Let me add by saying that we enjoy an active sex life and I’ve given him permission to have at it unless I swat him away in my sleep. We share a very loving and mutually trusting relationship. So much so that I recently woke recently to one of the sleep sex sessions but decided to stay very still. I realized very quickly that he was doing the sweetest, softest things to me including taking his time. I realized in this moment that he would rather do these things with me awake or asleep rather than leave our bed, turn on the computer and jerk off to some random naked woman.
I’m for it as long as both people are consenting and a man is kind enough to his wife to stop when she lets him know even in her sleep that she does want to be messed with.
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This is all about about trust, first. Men and women have a different order of needs.
Men’s sexual needs are first, to them. Women want to feel safe and taken care of, first. Once women feel like their needs are met, a woman will be much more willing to meet your sex needs because she had her peace of mind and can relax into it.
Allowing someone to access your body while you are asleep is serious act of trust. I would say that sleep sex is a kink. It’s not natural. And it requires consent OR you are a closet rapist who could be caught and maybe convicted, even if it’s your own wife. There is a boundary here that you cannot cross without prior permission or you are a creepy pervert. Think about it. It’s similar to molesting someone unconscious from drugs, like the date rape drug. Either way, they’re out cold and not making decisions. You have no right to do anything to them, no matter who they are.
If we feel like our men aren’t helpful around the house, helping with kids, tuned in to our needs (insist on doing a regular house chore and make your kids help out too). If you don’t, the relationship gets stale, women get resentful and they see their men as selfish, tuned-out, stupid and unattractive. It happens. Most women work all day, just like men, even if they are not the breadwinner. Then, somehow, our men assume that we will come home, know what’s for dinner, prepare it, serve it, clean it up and then still have the energy to get excited about boosting our man’s self esteem (via an evening blow job, etc) or sleep sex. Really?
I love sex and I’m game for a lot of things with my man, but if he’s not helping me, my sex drive goes away. Nobody needs a lump. Our best days are when he fixes my dishwasher, hangs my ceiling light or just cleans up the dishes without me asking or waiting. He just does it. It does wonders for his sex life. Get to work!
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No consent whilst having sex with your sleeping girlfriend = rape
No consent whilst having sex with your sleeping wife = rape
They marriage certificate does not provide either sex with the right to rape.
If you continue doing this then your own conscience will regret this in the future.
Maybe not soon but before you die you might just wish that you hadn’t been raping your wife all those years. God bless every one of you and I hope you see the light one day.
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It depends upon people to people
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I’ve brought up this subject with my husband. He’s totally against it. I can’t tell him I’ve had dreams since I was 12yrs old of being woke up with a very handsome man giving me major orgazms. He’d think there’s someone different I’m thinking of. I want this experience with my husband. I was a virgin until I was 21yrs old-three months b4 I actually met my husband b4 we got together. I will bring this up again, and I really hope I can convince him this is ok with me. I think it’s really sexy!
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I woke up several times to my woman doing sexual things to me. However, when I tried to return the pleasant surprise this morning she scream in a long drawn out voice..”STOOOOOOOOOOOOP” and pushed me away. I won’t be trying that again.
I’m kinda bothered by this.
I say just don’t do it and don’t let them do it to you.
(looks at Linda as she continues to snore)
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