I found out a few years ago that my husband was unfaithful to me at a time in our marriage when I would have sworn, and probably did swear, that I married the most honorable man in the world. No one would ever have been able to convince me that my husband was capable of cheating on me; but as it turns out he slept with multiple other women. I found out about this 4 years ago. We’ve been married nearly 14 years, so I went a pretty long period of time in the dark about who I was married to. I could have left, probably should have, but when I asked him if he’d ever cheated on me I’d sworn I wasn’t going to hold it against him if his answer was yes. He confessed at a time when we were supposed to be coming clean in order to get our “second try” off to an honest start. The discovery was difficult to deal with and hard to get over. To be honest I haven’t really gotten over it, I’ve just gotten on with life and have been staying busy moving forward, focusing my energies and attention on my goals and dreams and not thinking about my marriage, my husband and anything related to the state of our relationship. I can’t tell anyone how to get over their husband having sex with another woman. I can only say that for me time allowed me to get past the hurt feelings; and accepting that my husband is not an honorable man, does not respect the vows he took, is not truly committed to me and to our marriage has freed me in a way because I don’t fight with him anymore. I used to fight with him because I had these expectations about what our relationship and our marriage should be. Once I accepted what our marriage and relationship is, I realized there was nothing worth putting myself through all the anguish and heart ache and frustration over. Whatever happens with us happens. For now we are still married. We get along reasonably well. We don’t fight because neither of us is that emotionally invested. We still have sex from time to time and we sleep in the same bed every night and sometimes even cuddle; We have a pretty steady routine that has remained relatively stable. Once I don’t allow myself to start thinking about what a marriage ought to be and how my husband and I should be with each other everything is fine. So basically I’ve survived it by letting go of my hopes and dreams for us as a couple, letting go of my expectations and accepting that this particular marriage is not built on a foundation of love and trust and commitment.
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Thursday, January 27, 2011
How do you get over your husband having sex with another woman?
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