How do you get over your husband having sex with another woman?

I found out a few years ago that my husband was unfaithful to me at a time in our marriage when I would have sworn, and probably did swear, that I married the most honorable man in the world. No one would ever have been able to convince me that my husband was capable of cheating on me; but as it turns out he slept with multiple other women. I found out about this 4 years ago. We’ve been married nearly 14 years, so I went a pretty long period of time in the dark about who I was married to. I could have left, probably should have, but when I asked him if he’d ever cheated on me I’d sworn I wasn’t going to hold it against him if his answer was yes. He confessed at a time when we were supposed to be coming clean in order to get our “second try” off to an honest start. The discovery was difficult to deal with and hard to get over. To be honest I haven’t really gotten over it, I’ve just gotten on with life and have been staying busy moving forward, focusing my energies and attention on my goals and dreams and not thinking about my marriage, my husband and anything related to the state of our relationship. I can’t tell anyone how to get over their husband having sex with another woman. I can only say that for me time allowed me to get past the hurt feelings; and accepting that my husband is not an honorable man, does not respect the vows he took, is not truly committed to me and to our marriage has freed me in a way because I don’t fight with him anymore. I used to fight with him because I had these expectations about what our relationship and our marriage should be. Once I accepted what our marriage and relationship is, I realized there was nothing worth putting myself through all the anguish and heart ache and frustration over. Whatever happens with us happens. For now we are still married. We get along reasonably well. We don’t fight because neither of us is that emotionally invested. We still have sex from time to time and we sleep in the same bed every night and sometimes even cuddle; We have a pretty steady routine that has remained relatively stable. Once I don’t allow myself to start thinking about what a marriage ought to be and how my husband and I should be with each other everything is fine. So basically I’ve survived it by letting go of my hopes and dreams for us as a couple, letting go of my expectations and accepting that this particular marriage is not built on a foundation of love and trust and commitment.

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How do you get over your husband having sex with another woman?, 3.9 out of 10 based on 7 ratings

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  1. Yeah I know that feeling and the trust part is hard to overcome. I never believe anything he says about who he is with or where he is at because I feel that he lied once and betrayed me, he will always do the same thing over again. Men are pigs they have no feelings for their wifes or marriages.

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    • sit him down and tell him what he did and make him know that what he did was not right by cheating and then after that,you could then leave or get a divore.

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      • I found out my husband had been cheating on me when he said he was going out with some guys and would be home by 3:00. Three and four came and went and I decided since I was to go to my brothers the next day that I would pack my clothes and stuff and leave, get a hotel room and then go to my bros. I started out and went to a town that was 24 miles away to find a place to stay. I live in a very small town with 25000 residents 9000 of them being prisoners. I forgot my blood thinners and decided that I would go back to my town get a room at one of the two places we have in town and when my husband went to work I would go back to the house and get my meds. I went to the Super 8, registered and looked for a parking space the only one I could find was one at the end. I got out noticed a truck and it was my husbands. I called and texted him but he would not answer. I went home and he showed up. Within three days I forgave him. We have been married for 23 yrs. together for 33 yrs. Let me explain I did not forgive him for him I forgave him for me. I knew that if I did not forgive him that I would become a wretched woman, vengeful, mean and nasty because of what he had done. Believe me I did not trust a word he said until recently. Even tho that has changed there is still the feeling of betrayal, mistrust, and a lot of anger inside me. I try to make the best of things because I do love him and I know he loves me. So for me I forgave him so that my life would not be filled with anger and hatred. When you hate you always feel bad and it eats you up inside. If you forgive someone who has wronged you, your life will be that much better. We are trying our best to repair our marriage. I am not saying I trust him completely and that I believe every word he says but I am starting to let my self believe in us again. I wish you the best of luck~!

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  2. I know this search string is old but I am hurting so bad after finding out that my husband stepped away from our marriage. I am trying to figure out a way to overcome this. I think I should probably go to counselling. Because it hurts so bad. The fact that my husband will lie to my face until I catch him red handed. He is a gambler so when I would surmise he would tell me I’m crazy but than when I find the toll free numbers on the phone bill than he fesses up. Now I found out he was with another woman. My evidence made him fess up only what he felt he had to like saying “I went to meet her, but chickened out” I just wanna punch him right now. Oh and God Forbid we talk about it. “NOTHING HAPPENED” that’s what I get. How convenient for him. If anyone has answers out there PLEASE let me know. I’m desperate and hurt!

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  3. I don’t really know how to explain this. My husband wants to include other woman into our relationship. I can’t get around how much this hurts me and how much it confuses me. He has told me on multiple occassions that I am the best that he has ever had but at the same time he wants to add other women into our relation. I can’t get around how disgusting I think this is and I am having mixed feelings on just how I would even begin to equate what he wants to do into our married life. I am not a lesbian, nor am I bi-sexual. I can’t imagine letting another woman see me naked and possibly even touch me in an intimate way. He says that it would benefit the both of us, but I think that is a bunch of crap. I don’t know what to do because I feel like I was tricked into marrying him. Had I known this prior, I would have been able to make the decision to not marry him. Either way I lose, because if agree, another woman is sleeping with my husband…but if I don’t, another woman is going to sleep with my husband and I lose my husband too because I’m getting a divorce.

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  4. Well I know this is old but I understand being cheated on by your husband is very painful and hurtful because it happened to me ! I found out that my husband has had an affair it’s Not Cheating it’s an Affair because we are married so that is what it’s called but never the less it hurts , I found out because he made the mistake and called me when he was with her and left there conversation on my voicemail. He denied it and lied about it we worked things out and still together but I often think about it and cry I never thought I could cry so much and yet he act like all is forgiving & forgotten he often ask why I wake up so mad ” I don’t wake up mad after looking at you and thinking about ALL you’ve done to me I get mad” so we have good days but alot of bad days it’s only been 8 months . I just keep asking God to heal my heart and because I know God is always there it will happen.

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  5. I found out a couple weeks ago that my husband had sex with a woman he met at a bar. He is a professional Rodeo Cowboy and he took this woman back to his truck and had sex with her in the back seat. I found out by looking at his text messages and him asking to come to her home. After digging a bit the woman texted me everything that happened. He continued to lie and so did his friends that he was with them all night. He finally told me that yes something happened but only for a couple seconds and he freaked out. But she said it was for 2 hours. My husband lies to me about everything and anything. I am at a cross roads in what to do. I filed for divorce and that will be done in a week. We have only been married for 1.5 years. He now claims that he will never do this again, that he has talked to people about it, that he spoke to a pastor and I still dont believe him. Do I try and fix this, divorce him and take 3-6 months then we can talk again, or walk away. I am heart-broken and do not think I can ever trust him again. I saw pictures of this woman on FB, she is 5 years older than me, way different color hair and style, just totally different. He may have been with her that night but continued to contact her and go to her home after. The worst is that he talked so badly about me to her that I have to wonder if that is how he sees me. I have heard recently that he said the same things to his family about me. please comment

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    • Lisa, get out now and don’t look back. If your husband liked or respected you he wouldn’t talk about you with some woman he has sex with in the back of his truck. Like and respect yourself enough not to remain married to someone like this.

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    • Hi Lisa,

      Surround yourself with people who are positive and who build you up. You need love and support in your life and this person it seems can’t be that for you. Take care of yourself!!!

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  6. Wow all the good women get hurt,because of them no good men and the nasty ass women that don’t care who run up in them Ladies I’m there too with you I have Been hurt sooo bad it’s probably never going to be forgotten I pray to God cause I need his help with letting go cause I got engaged and maybe it will work out and maybe I will one day walk away cause today I still think he cheats on me and we argue a lot about every and anything which is not good cause you get tired of BS, the only thing I’m doing is taking this day by day hopefully we will be married if we don’t then you ladies would hear from me again on how I walked out of my relationship have a Blessed and Pleasant night

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  7. I just found out my husband of 3 years, together for 5 and half. Cheated on me a year and a half ago. After being together not even a year. Just had our daughter. He had an affair with a employee. I know something was up back then, but never had the proof. Just 2 weeks ago he tried adding her on Facebook. So i decided to message her and ask straight up if they had sex. She openly admitted that they did a few times after work. I sent him the messages while he was at work because I couldn’t wait, I was furious. He came home and confessed. The sad part is, deep down I also feel like there has been another woman. But he won’t confess to it. He did confess to hitting on my best friend a few months ago. I am so hurt. The situation seems old to him but so new to me because I just found out. I don’t know how to move past this and forgive and forget. We already trust issued because in highschool he use to text girls and he even kissed a few when we first started dating. I am at lost. How do you heal a broken heart and move on. Thing were going so well until I found this out. The even more sad part is he looks like Ryan Gosling.

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  8. I am the other woman. I was married with three children and in a very unhappy marriage. I tried to discuss issues ith my husband but he blew me off. For years. The man I cheated with was my partner at work. We had been very close for over 10 years. He had been in an unhappy marriage for over two decades and had stayed strictly for the kids. As our relationship deepened, we discussed cheating and decided it was not something we wanted to do. That family was our priority. Time went on and I knew that I was very deeply in love with this man and didnt want to waste any more time in a dead end marriage. I was scared to death the night I decided to tell him how I felt. If he didnt feel the same way, our friendship and work relationship would be over. In the end, he felt the same way. Within a couple of months, I had left my husband, but not before becoming intimate with my work partner. My divorce wasnt easy, and my husband knew of the affair. We have a better relationship now than we ever did married. My partner has not been so lucky. His wife has drug his children through hell and back, using them as pawns to hurt him with no regard to how it affects them. He had tried to discuss their marrital problems prior to the affair and she refused to acknowledge any issues in their marriage. So he left. She also is aware of the affair and has done as much as she can to slander the both of us. She has stalked me incesstantly, even has her children stake out my house in hopes of what Im not sure. She has known about the affair for almost three years. She continues to deny any problems in their relationship and has even broken into his apartment in hopes of catching us together. I have never been happier than I am with him. My children adore him. He is a wonderful man and I can understand her not wanting to let him go.

    My point is, people in happy marriages dont cheat. Im not pointing fingers here, and I dont mean to offend anyone. If anything, I hope that my story may help someone in some way. If its not love, dont get married. If he or she cheats on you, unless you are both willing to accept some responsibility and put 100% into saving the marriage, let it go. And dont stay for the kids. They arent stupid and will pick up on it faster than you think. If youre unhappy, talk to your spouse. If you cant work out your problems, or if your spouse is like mine and just says whatever and walks away, then leave. Set a good example for your kids. Dont teach them that sacrificing yourself for someone who doesnt care about you is the way to a good relationship. Life is too short to be with someone who doesnt love and respect you.

    Cheating for men is generally about opportunity. For women, its about the emotional

    Im not looking for sympathy or approval. I know there are people who say tbat cheating is wrong and marriage is forever and thats fine. Im just glad I took the chance rather than spending 30 years of my life with someone who wasnt willing to be there for me. How fair is that?

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  9. I have been married for five years, i found out a week ago that my hubby cheated on me five months ago.I suspected him at that time when he came home very late one day and he received a text message on his phone from another woman asking he whether he has arrived home safely, he denied anything was going on, i went ahead and called the woman and in turn she denied it and said all she had with my husband was business related, I forgot about the situation and moved on with my life, my marriage was okey until last week when I received an sms saying that I should tel my hubby he can’t be a baby making machine and not take care of a baby. I was shocked, when I confronted him he said that it was true he cheated on me five months ago, with the same woman i suspected and that he only had sex with her three times in one week, and he stopped the affair, I called the woman and she confirmed the affair,and she said she was five months pregnant with my husband’s child, though she admitted that she has never seen my husband after the week they had sex, so to her she told she thinks that my husband changed for the better and he came back to his family.
    I feel so hurt, I have cried but nothing seems to take the pain away, i feel disgusted thinking of my husband having sex with another woman and then coming home to sleep with me. When i asked him why he did it, he was so remorseful, saying that he doesn’t have a reason why he did it, and that he loves me very much, and he will never do that again, and that am the best wife any man would ask for, but all this words don’t take away the pain I feel, the betrayal, how do i forgive him and how do I forget the affair and especially now that there is a child involved? Somebody kindly advise me.

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  10. My story is simply this. My husband & I met after his ex-wife cheated on him with his brother. He was so distraught over it, he told me that he had planned to kill himself the night we actually met. We had chatted online for a couple of weeks, then progressed to talking on the phone. We finally decided to meet & BAM! We pretty much fell in love right away. He got a divorce which caused us a lot of grief during the process. We then married 8 months after meeting. From the time we met until now, it’s been a little over 10 years. Our marriage, like most, has had it’s ups & downs, but we did & still do have this deep love for each other. Turns out, my husband is an alcoholic & will spend numerous hours sitting in bars drinking. We used to do this together, but it got boring to me & I didn’t want to be labeled a drunk. Anyway, we started growing apart over the last 3-4 years. We worked different shifts. He would go out & get drunk, then come home late after not answering his phone. I would express my concerns about worrying & that fact that he didn’t invite me. Recently, we had a pretty bad fight about it. We decided to separate. I really didn’t want it, but had been told numerous times by well-wishing friends that I should kick him out if he wouldn’t stop & pay more attention to our marriage. I had been left alone so much, it seemed reasonable that if I was going to be alone all of the time anyway, I might as well actually BE ALONE. Almost immediately, after he moved out, I wanted him back. He’d come over & try to hug me & such, but I was a cold fish-not wanting him to know how I really felt-that I really didn’t want to be without him. I figured I’d give us some time apart to explore what we needed to do to fix our relationship. Boy! Did that backfire. I started noticing a certain phone number being called from his phone A LOT. I asked him about it & he was truthful that it was someone we both had made aquaintence with. Turns out, he was shifting his need for attention over to this other woman. First they had an emotional affair. All the while, we had started spending time together, even having sex. He began telling me that he still loved me, but was happy by himself. I asked him if he was seeing this other woman & he’d say, “I don’t want anyone else. Why would I want someone else when I have enough trouble with one woman?”. I got upset & asked him to stop calling her if they were just friends. He agreed. I then saw another phone number start cropping up, called it, & found it was her work number! He again denied that anything was going on. Then one night, I worked late. He had invited me over to stay with him. I went in & touched his shoulder, & he said, “I love you, my Josie.” I said, “WHAT?” & he repeated it. I then grabbed his phone & found love texts back & forth between them. He admitted that he was in love with her, but also in love with me. He swore that he hadn’t had sex with her….YET. Well, today, I found out that he has had sex with her AT HIS HOUSE where he & I also did. She made sure that I knew by leaving a pair of shoes & her hair clasp there! He now tells me he is confused-that he still loves us both! He has agreed to counseling, but won’t stop seeing her! I love my husband & take my vows to him obviously more seriously than he does. I refuse to let this ruin us! I pray every day for God to heal us. I have to have faith & strength to see this through.

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  11. About a month ago I caught my husband with another woman by him calling me on her cell phone and forgetting to hang up. Stupid him I heard him and her talking. I called her phone back after it finally hung up and she hung up on me. That night they kept on playing phone hang up with me. my husband finally called me back and I asked who she was and he said she’s just a friend, but he wouldn’t let me talk to her and wouldn’t tell me where they were at so I could meet her. That right there was a big time sign, I always had the signs right in front of me but didn’t want to believe it. I wish I would’ve listened. Anyways finally last night I asked him to tell me the truth, cause I deserved it and he told me that yes they had sex one time. He is still lying though, cause I went back on his cell phone records and he’s been talking to her for over a year and if he’s been talking to her for over a year sex one time please. Right now I feel so sick to my stomach…I don’t want to eat, I can’t sleep, and I feel useless. It makes me sick to my stomach to picture my husband having sex with another woman. I dint know if I’ll ever get over it…im thinking of leaving. we’ve been married for 13yrs and looking back I’ve had signs my whole marriage and I ask him to tell me everything and he tells me that was many years ago, which only means… yup I’ve been cheated on basically my entire marriage.

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  12. 2 weeks ago my fiancĂ© went out and met another girl at a bar here close to our house.. He came home that same night at about 4:07 am.. He came into bed smelling like perfume.. I asked him where he was at and he insisted that he was out drinking at his friends house.. So I get up and turn the light on and come to see that his shirt and nails and boxers had blood stains… I asked him what he had done and he just got up from bed and said he didn’t know what I was talking about.. Turns out he was out doing cocaine and drinking beer with her too… He claims he didn’t have sex with her cos his penis didn’t / couldn’t come to an erection because of the cocaine… But he did admit that she gave him a blow job… We still fight about it… And I just don’t know wether to believe if he did or did not have sex with her… ??? I burned his clothes that had the blood stains…. He claims also that he didn’t know the girl was on her rag cos she had a mini skirt on with a thong.. Hhhmmmm …

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