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I’m a fat wife what can I do to make my husband still want me?

I’m not fat and I’ve never been as fat as some of the complains I’ve read from men who are unhappy about their wife’s size; but I did gain weight at one point in my marriage and went outside the range of “normal weight” for my height by a couple of points. During that period I never felt like my husband found me less attractive. Far from it he seemed to want me more with a little meat on my bones than when I was only skin and bones, and I see the evidence still because my body is naturally inclined to be thin and when I’m not being mindful not to lose too much weight he doesn’t slap my ass quite as much as when I have a little something there to slap.

EdenFantasys Flirty LingerieI might not be qualified to speak on the subject of what to do to make your husband still want you after you’ve gained enough weight to be considered fat. My experience with being fat was shortlived and I probably was more “full-figured” during that time than fat; but these days it seems like any woman who wears a size bigger than 2 is considered fat anyway.

In my experience, my being bigger did not lessen the excitement of sexual intimacy with my husband. He didn’t stop wanting me. If your husband has seemed to stop wanting you, probably the best thing you can do is not let it affect how you feel about yourself. Sometimes the sexiest thing on a woman is her attitude. I’ve seen some larger women who ooze sex appeal. I saw one just the other day. She was very large but she was wearing a very short dress and sashaying without apology to anybody.

Sometimes when women gain weight they develop this way of carrying themselves that screams to the world, “Yes, I know I’m fat and I’m ugly and yes I’m ashamed of how I look and wish I didn’t have to be seen by anybody.” What’s sexy about an attitude like that? Whatever shape your body is in it’s your body. You wake up in it every day. You walk around in it every day and you need to love it regardless if its perfect or not. You can love your body and still strive to improve it and make it better. Just because you chose to accept yourself as you are and love yourself and project confidence in your appearance doesn’t mean you don’t strive to improve. We should always strive to be the best that we can be but that doesn’t mean when we’re less than our best we have to hate ourselves and allow the rest of the world to hate us and mistreat us for our imperfections.

I believe firmly that we tell people what to think about us by what we project. The fat woman I saw the other day, she didn’t care what the rest of us thought. She felt good about herself. She loved her body and didn’t try to hide it to make other people comfortable. So I’d say loving yourself is the key to making your husband still want you while you’re fat. Convey that you feel good about yourself. You love yourself. You feel sexy. You are sexy. And if he doesn’t agree because he thinks a fat woman has no right feeling good about herself while she’s fat, don’t let his attitude affect yours. If he prefers you to feel fat and ugly and not sexy that’s his problem. He should want you to feel good about yourself.

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0 5 4927 01 June, 2012 Sex and marriage June 1, 2012

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  1. kelea

    have you tried the master cleanse diet,you will be pleased with the results and your husband will appreciate it too.But lets weigh the two outcomes that are likely to happen,your husband can go back to being the man you married which will be disappointing to know that your marriage is based on physical attraction.Or he could remain the same uncaring guy even after you lose weight.think about it

  2. Elizabeth

    Oh gosh, I wish I had a dime for everytime I’ve heard about a weight/marriage issue. It’s never-ending, an unspoken reason for divorce, men go crazy when their wives gain weight, but what’s the truth? I can tell you my experience – true story here, no exaggeration. My ex-husband and I had known each other for years. Get marriage. I’m around 5’8″ have always been around a size 6 / 8 my adult life. Looked good on me. Fast forward 4 months after we got married … my dad was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and died 4 weeks after. Shock. My mother became very ill a few weeks after my dad died. I gained some weight … about 22 lbs. Went from a size 8 to a size 12 (hmm..sometimes had to go to a 14 depending on manufacturer, but basically a solid 12). Oh, you would have thought what I had done!

    First, the touching, any affection stopped. Then, he withheld sex from me, completely. Wouldn’t even consider it, I was “fat” … one night, after a particularly upsetting day dealing with a lot of emotional sadness, he comes home, looks at me and says “I just want to ask you a question … how much fatter are you going to get?” And then, turns and walks away.

    Oh wow did I pray that night. I asked God, “is it me, or is this man, the one I thought I loved so much, the one I was devoted to for years, doing this to me?” I was unbelievable. I ran – not walked – to a divorce lawyer, amen. Imagine? I am so thankful I got out when I did, when I was “fat” and no man would ever want me (according to his twisted mind). All I could think about was what if I had kids with this guy? Or worse, what if I (god forbid) came down with breast cancer? He would have left skid marks out the door. Horrible person, yet I was completely fooled. Took getting “fat” to show his true colors.

    Fast forward — I lost the weight about 3 months after I ditched him, recovered. Life was better than ever, with greater guys knocking at my door. I was single for quite some time, but I finally married a great guy. I keep myself “in shape” for him, although now that I’m older, my body naturally retains more weight. Nothing horrendous. 20lbs here and there, up and down, is not life shattering.

    Ladies – think carefully and realistically. If you get married and gain say, 75-100lbs, it more than likely will impact your attractiveness to your husband, assuming he doesn’t care for a lot of excess weight. Try to maintain attractiveness. However — if you’re married to a guy that tortures you over 20-25 lbs, run for the nearest exit. Life is full of real problems, health issues can hit, and when they do, you want a marriage partner who actually loves you and is devoted. DEVOTED.

    1. Kurt

      This story is difficult to believe! You let yourself go and were upset that your husband withheld affection and asked how much fatter you were going to get? And you want to paint him as the bad guy??? Just based on what you wrote, I have to say that you did not take your marriage vows seriously. Yes, you hit a bump, but you could have sat down and explained your position to your husband instead of immediately filing for divorce.

      Most men who are in reasonably good shape are not going to be happy if their wives gain a lot of weight, particularly if the woman is a stay-at-home wife and the husband feels as though he is slaving away at work all day

  3. Bob

    Beth — The question most guys ask themselves is whether their wife is just mailing it in when it comes to staying in shape. Gaining 75 – 100 pounds is beyond mailing it in, it is flat out giving up. Gaining 20 pounds, maybe not a problem. Unless it becomes 40, then 60, then 80. It is a question of respecting your spouse and yourself. Do you care enough to make the effort necessary to stay in shape. That applies to both men and women.

    1. Dollbaby

      I can only speak for myself. My weight gain wasn’t due to “letting” myself go. I worked alot of hours. Had a small child to raise. My husband did not help at all. He even took a job in another state to better himself when we were in no trouble financially. Moving with him was not an option bc my job was more stable aND my inome 3xs his. For 4 years I raised the child myself and worked like a horse believing in the greater good. I had no sleep and no time to exercise. In essence sacrificed myself for my family. Extreme sleep deprivation is a factor in my case. I don’t eat junk food nor do I sit around all day eating whatever I feel like. I had no time to exercise
      I got up at 5 am. Got home at 6. Sometimes I work 24hr shifts. Child doesn’t sleep at night. I averaged 2 to 4 hrs sleep during those years. No sleep equals no energy. Anyway, I don’t advocate being fat. I hated it for myself. I am simply saying it would have helped me tremendously if I had HELP. If we could have managed our lives where I wasn’t the one doing everything. He didn’t have to take that job. We could have worked together aS partners. I could have had some sleep and time to take care of myself.


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