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HOW TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE with abnormal relationship

I’m 56 married man with kids. I love my wife, I had a a n a l and o r a l s e x with my male classmate since i was 16 year old, most of the time i was the receiver person and we still seen each other from time to time (2-3 time per year at the present) despite we both married. I got turned on and aroused when my friend started talking dirty about my wife and specially when he rubbing his **** in her underwear. I confused between him and my wife, I can not stop my self thinking about him making love to my wife while i watching that and even when i am making love with her I imagine he doing that instead of me. I like him and on the same time I do not want to risk my marriage as well I tried to stop seen him but i was unable to do that i became very weak when i saw him and go down on my knee to **** him. Is it normal to behave such way and your advise to stop this abnormal relationship????

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Editor's Response

I’m assuming your wife knows nothing about your relationship with your male classmate and the fact that you have an extra marital lover and that your extramarital lover is male. If indeed your wife is clueless about your activities and your interests then your conflict isn’t just a matter of finding a way to stop the relationship you have with your male lover, your wife needs to know what has been going on. This isn’t the kind of thing that you classify under “what my wife doesn’t know about can’t hurt her”. Maybe after you explain things your wife will accept that this is who you are and she will decide she loves you enough to embrace this part of you; or maybe it will be too much for her and she will decide she cannot remain married to you. Either way this is a decision you need to give her the right to make for herself.

You might not want to risk your marriage, but you have to consider that you might not have a marriage at all had your wife known upfront that you have another lover and that your other lover is male. This is not a small matter. It isn’t some insignificant and meaningless omission. It is information that could have changed the course of your wife’s life had she known it upfront. Again, this is all assuming she doesn’t know. If she does know then none of this is relevant; but if indeed she doesn’t know you need to come clean with her and give her the right to decide if she wants to still be married to you or not. It is for her to decide if she wants to stay in the marriage, not for you to decide that you don’t want to lose her so you’ll just try to bring an end to your affair with your former classmate and everything will be just fine once you do that.

Also, since you appear to be torn and not sure if what you’re doing is normal or not, maybe for the sake of both you and your wife you need to work on trying to figure out who you really are and what you really want as far as your sexuality is concerned. You’re probably not the only married man in the world who has a male lover and who gets turned on by the idea of his male lover being with his wife. People get turned on by all sorts of things. It’s not the business of anyone on the outside of the situation. As long as you’re not breaking any laws and your activities are conducted between consenting adults there’s no need to torture yourself over the fact that some people might scorn you if they knew about your sexual interests. However, this is most certainly the business of your wife. She does have the right to know. She does need to know because until she gives her consent to participate whether actively or passively you are betraying her on a level that ought to be criminal if it’s not.

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Disclaimer: Editor's Response answers should not be taken for expert advice. The person behind the Editor's Response is not a relationship expert but just a regular member of the general public and all Editor's Response answers should be considered in the same light as an opinion given by a random individual on the street. Some Marriage questions are manufactured by Marriage Scene writers based on Internet research.
0 1 784 20 August, 2012 Marriage Answers August 20, 2012

About the author

I am 55 male married with kids holding a postgraduate degree in the engineering field, having duplicate sex live with a man since i was 16 year old

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1 comment

  1. Fiona

    Oh dear, you have got yourself into a pickle haven’t you. Wether male or female your lover is a secret and secrets always out. Yes, she needs to know the truth and be prepared for you loosing not only your marriage but your lovers marriage also, don’t you think his wife will hear too? Then you can run off into the sunset together and have your forbidden fruit. Would you like that? Would he like that? Just remember forbidden fruit is delicious but once exposed becomes just fruit. If your wife stays with you, I wish her well. She will be a woman with a great amount of love for you, I just hope you deserve her.

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