Please help me. I hate my husband and I know it’s time to leave. I know it in my heart. This is not just anger hate. I don’t like my husband. He disgusts me. I pretty much hate everything about him and it’s eating away at me because he doesn’t seem to believe it when I tell him that I hate him and I don’t want to be married to him anymore. No matter which way I put it he doesn’t get that I mean it. He doesn’t get that I really don’t like him at all and feel embarrassed and ashamed and disgusted with myself and hate myself for being married to him.
The problem is, and this isn’t going to make any sense I know that, I don’t really want to hurt him. When I say that then it makes me think that maybe I don’t really hate him because if I hated him I wouldn’t care if I hurt him or not. So maybe I don’t hate him the human being but I do despise his ways.
I hate how he has no interest in improving himself. He doesn’t have a high school diploma and quit trying to get a GED. I hate how he’s addicted to cigarettes. I hate how he’s always lying. He hardly ever has anything to say to me but he’ll grab my ass every time he passes by me. He’ll embrace me but he always has to rub me up and squeeze my butt and breasts in the process. It makes me feel violated and like a piece of meat and I hate it.
I hate how irresponsible he is with money. As you can imagine, given he has no education and no real skills to speak of he is only qualified for menial jobs. What money he has left over after we’ve paid our bills he spends off within a matter of a few short days and he never has anything to show for it. I hate how he ruined his credit years back but got a second chance to rebuild his credit only to ruin it again within months because he doesn’t have the capacity to think about important things. He’d rather acquire a new gold ring than acquire a new home.
I know I will be better off in every conceivable way without this person in my life. His energy is just vile. Nothing good can ever happen for us because he is who he is and nothing good will ever happen for me as long as I stay married to him.
I just managed to get some money on my bank account that I’ve been waiting for and he’s already gone in and started to deplete it. It’s just a little bit of money and we need it because we’re on hard times right now, but he’s already dipping into it taking money out for s h i t.
I don’t know what to do. I need to get this man out of my life. Ideally I will wake up tomorrow and it will be like the last 20 years didn’t happen and I never knew him at all.