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Should I join Ashley Madison and find someone to cheat with?

Update September 19 2012: It’s strange how after a few days you don’t really remember that just a few days ago you were feeling so low about your marriage you were thinking about joining Ashley Madison and cheating on your husband. I’m not sure what to make of the way my feelings change so drastically from one moment to the next. It’s weird because, reading what I wrote on September 15th I don’t really agree with the things I wrote and I feel no need to join Ashley Madison to look for someone to fill some void. I think my problem is that my emotions are all over the place and I am guilty of the mistake of putting the responsibility for my happiness on my husband; so how I feel about myself gets determined by how I perceive his feelings for me based on how he is acting towards me. The desire to cheat is not really a desire to cheat as in find someone with whom to get sexually involved. Like I said sex is not a problem between my husband and me. It’s his emotional unavailability that I have a problem with, and I guess it’s silly to imagine I would be able to find someone to fill that void at a site like Ashley Madison where all the men are there looking for someone to have sex with. I guess they need a site like Ashley Madison for married people who need someone to have an emotional affair with, but then there would only be women registered on the site. All the men will be over at Ashley Madison looking for someone to have sex with who won’t try to demand that they show them attention and listen to them talk and spend “quality” time with them. I don’t know, how does anyone win in a marriage when the needs of one so drastically conflict with the needs of the other?

I am feeling a lot better at the present moment, but the reason is problematic and concerns me greatly. My husband is being more attentive. The reason that is a problem, when he stops being as attentive, which he inevitably will, I will go back to feeling upset and wanting to join Ashley Madison to find someone to pay attention to me. I need to realize that the problem here has 100% to do with not taking responsibility for my own happiness.

September 15 2012: My husband is upstairs in our bedroom, or I should say “the bedroom”. I don’t really think of it as “our bedroom”. It’s just the bedroom. I don’t know what he’s doing. He could be sleeping or watching TV. We haven’t really interacted much today. We don’t really interact much these days.  Things are changing. We’re really growing apart. I feel sad right now. Sad and lonely; but not in the way that makes me wish things were different between my husband and me. I feel sad and lonely in a way that makes me wish I had someone I could call and flirt with so I could feel good. I want to feel good. I deserve to feel good don’t I? But I don’t know if you can find people like that on Ashley Madison. I’m thinking Ashley Madison because they’re the go-to site to find someone to have an affair with I guess; but I’m not sure if they cater to my particular needs. I mean, when all is said and done it’s not sex I want really; and from what it appears that’s what men join the site looking for, someone to have sex with. I already have someone to have sex with. My husband and I still have sex even though our relationship is what it is. It’s the emotional stuff that’s missing, having someone I can talk to. Having someone to talk to me in a way that makes me feel desirable.

I don’t really want to have an “affair” affair. I want a friendship I suppose and if it grows into something more then I’ll deal with that then, but for now I wish I didn’t have to be here. I wish I knew someone I could call up and say, “hey let’s go out and get a drink”; and he comes over and picks me up and I dress in something hot and sexy and go out with him and have fun and not think about the man up stairs.

But these things can be so tedious, joining these sites and trying to build connections with people. I figure if you can’t trust the one you’re lying in bed with every night you can’t trust anybody; but I’m so tired of this, tired of being in pain while he lies in bed and sleeps. I’m so tired of it.

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0 4 1843 15 September, 2012 Love Hate Cheating Divorce and Everything Else September 15, 2012

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Just another married woman

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4 comments

  1. Fred Sandford

    Your probably really bad at making it fun to have sex with you. It appears that you behave like a dried up old hag instead of the virile nymph you proclaim to be. Think about what you want and why you want it and I am sure your husband will be using everything in his power to satisfy your carnal desires. All to often we tend to forget how amazing someone is until we lose them. My life was amazing until I joined ashley madison. Now I have countless dates with deprived wife’s that really just want their husbands to be impressed with them as I appear to be. I take up the space that is left behind when a woman forgets what it means to be loved and desired. I pretend to love them, but really I just see their flaws. It is a great acting role to play pretending they are young and attractive, but I know they are pathetic and bang them out of sympathy for the person they could have been instead.

    Reply
    1. Spaghetti monster

      I am In a relationship where I really did not chose to be with except through a child. I grew or she grew with me, there is deep caring for her no mistaken, a love I can’t sxplain. But a relationship devoid of any flair or passion, not because it has faded over the years but much different. No one ever understands and I end up sounding or looking like a pos. We now have 3 children with one in college. We married, which may have been a mistake thinking it would bring us closer. It’s what I call making the best out of a bad situation. Not bad but think of a shotgun wedding. But we married 8 years after cohabiting. It’s so complicated people who know of this think it’s so easy to stop everything and split up. We have our differences and most of hers stem on attachment and codependency issues. She doesn’t want to take care of herself. Does not have a good self image even when I praise her or commend her for some things. I am very health conscientious and take care of myself. I love touch and feeling whereas with her seems to be pretend. It’s weird. I am leaning towards this Ash Madison for , I guess, it’s just a NSA type but connection too. I love a shapley figure of a woman and my wife doesn’t have that. She is like a robot, like not all there. Unmotivated and just dull. Literally she acts like she’s in copilot mode all the time and very into her cell phone. I sometimes encourage her to go out with friends but claims she doesn’t have many, please. Sigh.

      Reply
  2. Susie

    Maybe instead of thinking about joining some ridiculous ass site as Ashley Madison, you should consider about opening up to your husband. Forget the stereotypical “they never listen to you”, they really do if it is something that is bothering you so deeply.

    If it is all a matter of you want someone to flirt with, then flirt with your husband. Tell him something that he would never think that he would hear from you. Role play, do something! Don’t join a site based on how you are feeling at the moment.

    People make mistakes, people make mistakes for all the wrong reasons sometimes, and from what you have said in your two posts, this is not something that you want to do. Maybe just take it all on your shoulders to do something different to spice up your marriage. Don’t do something that you will regret the following morning, PLEASE! 🙂 Just have a little hope. Your husband will come around if he knows what he is dealing with.

    Here’s an idea… when your in bed, talk dirty to him about joining Ashley Madison (either you or him) and what you would do to the other indiscriminate person… Open yourself up. I bet the guys on that site, like you said, wouldn’t give a shit about anybody, and there’s really no telling how many people they have had sex with just to have sex with someone.

    I feel for you.. Make a good decision.

    Reply
  3. SilaciousHusband

    What you might consider doing, and I know this is pretty far fetched, Don’t talk to your husband, just go upstairs, wke him up with a hand job, oral sex etc, and go fuck him. Don’t say a god damned word.

    and stop being a prude, if you husband isn’t making advances, it is becuase you are generally not receptive, most men are very physically affectionate creatures. Get a blanket, snuggle up and shut your yapper. Keep conversations short and on point with minimal extraneous details

    Reply

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