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How to deal with wife’s family?

To put it simply, I can’t stand my wife’s family. Her mother still thinks we shouldn’t have gotten married. Her father thinks I won’t be able to support my wife and my baby girl. And her brother is always distant with me. We’ve been married 4 years now, but nothing has changed in that time. I’ve talked to my wife about it before, but she brushes it off like it’s not a problem, even though the tension is always palpable at family functions. The last year, I just use work as an excuse not to go to their house for dinner. What can I say to my wife to get her to understand, or what can I do to make my in-laws see that I love their daughter and can provide for her and our family?

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Editor's Response

Just continue to love your wife and provide for her and your family the way you are doing. If your in laws never come around there’s nothing you can do about it. You really don’t have to prove anything to them. If they mean to dislike you for whatever reason they are going to dislike you no matter what you do. Provided you are not doing anything to earn their dislike, it is their responsibility to get over their hang-ups about you, whatever those hang-ups might be.

As I always stress when answering these questions, I am not an expert in any sense of the word. I can only try to draw from my own experiences and share my thoughts accordingly. I happen to be in a similar situation where my family has never truly accepted my husband. I can tell you that he definitely gave them reason to consider him not the best choice of a husband, but even so, because they are who they are, I would have had to marry Prince William or someone of equally royal stature for them to consider my husband worthy of their admiration and respect. Without question my family will always regard my husband as being of inferior quality; but over the years they have come to recognize and acknowledge the fact that my husband is taking good care of his family. Some of the things they used to say they no longer dare say, and even though I know perfectly well they still don’t particularly like my husband, during visits they are less blatant with their show of disrespect and disregard than in the past.

So you shouldn’t concern yourself too much with trying to figure out what you need to do to make your in laws see that you love their daughter and can provide for her and your family. Just keep on doing what you’re doing as far as loving and taking care of your wife, and time will take care of the rest. It’s not going to be an overnight deal, but as long as you’re not abusing your wife in any way her family won’t have any choice but to come around if they love her and want her to be happy and she is making it clear to them that you and the family she has created with you make her happy.

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Disclaimer: Editor's Response answers should not be taken for expert advice. The person behind the Editor's Response is not a relationship expert but just a regular member of the general public and all Editor's Response answers should be considered in the same light as an opinion given by a random individual on the street. Some Marriage questions are manufactured by Marriage Scene writers based on Internet research.
0 0 946 27 December, 2012 Marriage Answers December 27, 2012

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