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just sitting

Two days before christmas this yr my husband said he didnt love me any more!!! he than left my daughter to pick up the mess of a mother i had become……
I know my marrige was rocky and we did not always see eye to eye, but who does right?
Than i was told he was having an affair with a woman who was at our wedding 12yrs ago and who he has been friends with!!!!
Good god my world really did fall apart, he was sleeping in my bed after he had been with her….
I have gone thro many emotions over the last few weeks, and have gone to loads of web site to try to help me thro this.
What i would like to know is, when will i start to get back to normal, and when will i stop thinking of him and her together, he has been telling ppl that our marriage was over! only he didnt tell me this..and of cause this is what it is, i cant fix it or change it, but i feel so hurt, and belittled, he took my heart and wedding vows and has stomped all over them, how can i cope with all this, please can someone help me….

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0 1 619 16 January, 2013 Liars & Cheats January 16, 2013

1 comment

  1. Carolie

    In my marriage it has been me the wife that cheated, things were rocky from the beginning thanks to the wife he was not able to divorce, the US navy, three and a half years after our wedding night I had, actually been able to talk directly to him for ten or 15 minutes until he discharged. I was living at his parents for six months before he was let out. we had some very disturbing reports from his brother who served on his normal crew and the command itself. He had become exhausted and mentally ill. He had not had a leave or R and R since the night we were married and at one point had been kept on duty for 106 hours. When he arrived home I knew there were many people that were angry at his return, He had taken a military leave five years before from a major auto manufacturing company, and according to his contract his seniority continued to accrue while he was in and when he returned he came back with more seniority than 60% of the work force, I was not familier at the time with how a contract worked with a union and many of my father in laws friends felt my husbands return was unfair to their sons and daughters, I did not know what a job bid entailed, what a bump was or how vacation and holiday work was assigned, I thought for 24 years it was assigned to the greater need. My father in law called me in three days before my husbands arrival and explained my husband was coming home diagnosed as a sever paranoid due to exhaustion. He said he had to be eased back into his job. He said he is going to want to take time to go back, he was going to try and force his shift, Refuse weekends and holidays and push people that needed summer vacations out of them, I was asked by several men and women to try and keep my husband fro disrupting to much on his return, His father said we cant let him take any time before he goes back he would get to thinking he had a right to take weekends and holidays and daily overtime off, Everyone said it was going to be a two year way to let things smooth out at most and I was asked to control my husband, after all there was always tomorrow and we had lots of time to create a good life after my husband was eased into the way things were, The only control I had was sex denial, It hurt me as much as him but the two years turned into 32 years,
    I was living at my father in laws because I was diagnosed as a Bi Polar and the navy wanted me with them, So when it was decided by my husband not to reenlist within two weeks of his return he was handed a guardianship on me, This he has never been able to break My father and brother are dead, my sister is also bi polar and my mother said it is your husbands resposiibility now.
    Within two days of being home a young singe mother was over crying on my father in laws shoulder about my husband bumping her off day shift, how much it would mess up her time wither daughter so I made a promise to my husband that if he could compromise not push his seniority then our marriage would continue. He stayed on second without a day off for 16 years, almost every daywas12 hours except holidays which were 16 to allow the max number of people off, After 1995 he stopped asking for sex, He even could not stand light sound and hated hearing when he said he was taking the holidays this year off his father was yelling at him about how others had children, and he had better not force a father or mother to work in his place, He was screamed at to be a man, shut up and do as told and should. In July 2001, he got his first day off since 1978, he passed out after throwning up all over his supervisor. He seemed to be always crying from the year before and his left foot always was dragging, I was thinking the workload was to much, his father said he was being a big baby with the headaches the tears the left foot dragging throwing up and losing the weight he lost. Just trying to get out of working but he was transported to an endoscopic center where they drilled a hole to the center of his head from over his right eye, He was off six days and the chaos that was caused at work was bad, so against medical advice he was at work six days later. He decided after that he was very tired of second and bid on a job at a new plant, There was a lot of trouble when he took the job, several people tried to use force to get my husband to take his name down, He hurt all four severly, When I promised if he stayed put we would restart our marriage he just said my promises were not worth what he sat and put in a toilet, I admit that hurt. I had had several affairs because of my bi polar condition. His father would introduce me to the sons of his friends my age, but after that more drastic steps were taken to make sure my husband did not disrupt lives including a shotgun, he retired seven years later he was forced out for having a mean and nasty reply to the state govenors order one night. He said I don’t work for him and he has not the right to tell me to turn 18000 pounds of scrap to a truck with no brakes. Then he aquired MRSA in his spine. That left him without felling from his upper legs down . H was in and out of hospitals and rehab for the next three years for complications. Things have been getting much worse with his temper and after getting out of rehab in February last year things came to a head, when he caught me with an old boy friend. That was the second time I had seen him take his anger for an assault that really did not hurt him, He used it as an excuse to just about kill the man. He was put in a stress center and a week later his father asked me to go with a friend of his to a political dinner, My husband was put in a stress center for anger management. His timing was very bad and he arrived home from the center just in time for my finishing getting dressed for the dinner. I told the truth, and my husband said does he have three tickets. Because if you are going I am to. I called his father to cancel. and he had just been informed his son was coming home. him and my mother in law were on their way and would be an hour, My husband did not back down this time, he said you owe thirty one years to me that you gave to others, Tonight the note is due, I tried to run, I said I would meet anywhere after the event as he ripped my dress off saying I bought this. I begged pleas not like this, I promise but he decided there were no promises to be made as he took what not had been given. I got up hurting because I struggled and went and put a robe on, The man I was to go with tried to push my husband out of the way and come in, My husband threw him face first into the drive over the porch rail just about through his fathers grill. His father took his friend to the urgent care down the road, his mother came to talk with me, When his father returned he was not let in, My husband told them both to shut their traps he was not under their orders, His mother was crying wondering what had caused her son to be like this. I found him reading my journals that night. he had picked the ceder chest lock, he knew the roll his father played in the sex denial, he knew how many and with who I had affairs with. The last 31 years were laid out in front of him, In return he printed out what he calls his logs for the last 31 years, This last year three more people were hurt, One was his father on memorial day. My father in law thought he was going to get my husband to leave his own house because he did not fit in our traditions, My husband just brushed him aside and his mother said when pigs fly, She has learned what we did to her son, and had told his sister and brother. When the announcement was made we were going for drinks I was supposed to go with the man hurt last year, my husband was not invited and handed the reservations made for use to him my husband stopped us in our tracks, he said I have made you welcome in my home. given of my table but you are stealing from me. if you don’t want a ride to the hospital to remove your arm from your rear you will give me the reservations and scram. The poor man dropping the reservations left like Satan was after him, My husbands father was livid, He said he was my guest, and this was very rude. He asked my husband if he was retarded, did he not know what you are not invitited means then broke two fingers when he slapped his son. My husband did not even flinch he told his father there was not going to be another interference in his life or with me. You have no say in the process any longer. Everyone recognized my husband was done with it all. I heard my mother in law exclaim watch the pigs fly, my husband backhanded his father through the kitchen on his rear. Everyone was shocked at the way my husband handled the situation We went to where the reservations happened. The 4th was very tense, people felt like ducking when his father came in,
    Then the Saturday before last, his father bought some friends, one with a glock and one with a colt. He was held at bay but I was pushed into his fathers car and we ran firmly convinced my husband was dangerous at home, he walked up to the man holding the colt and told him he was A coward if he did not pull the trigger, we went to a dinner and met their wives my sister in law and her husband an my mother in law, she asked were my husband was and his father said he was not at home, We had just had our breakfast set down when the first indication things were not well as my sister in law said watch out, the two men that held the pistols on my husband just about lost their heads to his oak cane, one with a broken trachea and the others jaw went, my husband swung three more times for good measure, then he shove the tip into his fathers sternum and said the next time he needed to do his own dirty work. HIs mother knew at that point she was lied to, The police cuffed my husband but the fake cameras outside the house I found out were wireless CCTV, My husband had the whole morning on thumb drive sound included. My father in law said the matter was closed we left him standing and besides the weapons were unloaded. His father has a court date for intimidation so do the other two men, the police said my husband just should have bought the thumb drive, why did he do what he did, My husband said he enjoyed what he did. I had gone along to keep any one from getting hurt. I just don’t know what to do now, things are going to escalate again. And more people will hurt. I know my husband will never again be a door mate as he puts it, My privacy is limited to the restroom, Outside the house my husband is there at my elbow. Does anyone think there can be a peace arranged?

    Reply

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