I forgot about the matter and our marriage was okey, I never had a reason to suspect my husband again. Five months down the line everything was perfect, until last week when I received a text message telling me that I should tell my husband he can’t be a baby making machine and not take care of his baby. I was so shocked, i felt like somebody removed my heart from my chest literally, when I got courage I called the number back, a woman picked it and she said she was five months pregnant with my husband’s baby. she said that my husband had terminated the affair and she wanted to get back at him by letting me know about the affair and the baby.
I confronted my husband about it, he accepted and he was so remorseful, telling me to forgive him, that he will never do it again, he claims that he loves me very much but its his fault that he slipped from the marriage road. he confirmed that its the same woman, I had asked him about five months ago. He said he only had sex with her for three times, and that he had used a condom the first time and it broke, he claims that he would never want to put me at risk of STD and HIV, so the following time they met they went for HIV tests and when they were told they were negative they had sex that day and one other day, since then he terminated the affair, all these details were confirmed by the other woman, who told me she has never seen my husband again for five months.
I feel so hurt, I have cried a lot but nothing seems to take the pain away, I feel so disgusted thinking of my husband having sex with another woman and then coming home to sleep with me. Even if my husband has apologized telling me that he regret what he did, and if there is a way he can undo what happened he can, I still feel pain in my heart. How do I forgive him and how do I forget the affair and especially now that there is a child involved? will I be able to trust him again? somebody kindly advise me, or tell me your thoughts?
Caroljay, I am sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine how painful it must be not just to find out that your husband had an affair and originally lied to you about it, but now to have the complication of him having gotten the woman pregnant. This is really too serious a crisis for you to rely on advise from people who can only offer an opinion based on what they personally think of the situation and how they think they might handle it if they were in your shoes.
If at all possible you should really seek professional guidance as you try to figure out what is the right choice for you in handling the situation. Members of the general public, that includes myself, can only act like sideline spectators who will either cheer you on to stay and fight for your marriage or scream at you to get out now. You need a rational thinking person who is able to resist the temptation to rush to judgement, who will know the right questions to ask you in order to help you make the decision that is in your best interest.
To address some of your expressed concerns:
I feel so hurt, I have cried a lot but nothing seems to take the pain away
Unfortunately only time will take the pain away; and there’s no way to say how much time it will take before it stops hurting as badly as it hurts now; but you will stop crying eventually. It’s not always helpful to hear people say that other people have gone through what you’re going through; but there are many women who can identify with what you’re going through right now as far as dealing with the hurt and pain of knowing your husband cheated because they’ve gone through it and they’ve survived it; and you will survive it.
I feel so disgusted thinking of my husband having sex with another woman and then coming home to sleep with me
This is perfectly understandable. Any wife would feel this way. It was a disgusting thing for your husband to do; but it’s an action some men don’t give a second thought to taking–jumping from one woman’s body to another in the same night. Unfortunately there are husbands who cheat on wives with whom they have an active sex life; so they will often leave from having sex with their lover to go home and have sex with their wife. All too often they do this without taking any kind of precaution; and these are just some of the things you have to weigh when deciding what is in your best interest to do. It isn’t just a broken heart that a woman can be left with when her husband steps out and starts sleeping with other women and as you try to decide whether or not you’re willing to take the risk of trusting that your husband won’t cheat on you again, you should factor in how irresponsible he was the first time around. To have slept with a woman only 3 times and changed everybody’s life by getting her pregnant, this is not the behavior of a sexually responsible man.
How do I forgive him and how do I forget the affair and especially now that there is a child involved?
For the very fact that there is a child involved, forgetting will be virtually impossible; and based on the actions to date of the other woman you can be sure your husband isn’t going to be allowed to just get on with his life as if the child does not exist. She fully intends to make him pay royally. As to forgiving your husband, you will discover in time whether you truly can or not. Some women can keep on going in their marriage while in their heart they hate their husband for hurting them and haven’t forgiven him even after decades have passed; but in a situation like that no one’s really happy.
will I be able to trust him again?
You can choose to trust him again, but only time will reveal to you whether choosing to trust him again was the right thing to do or a mistake. It’s a risk and you have to decide whether it’s a risk you’re willing to take or not. You can’t control your husband’s choices. That is a reality you have to face. You can only control your choices. So whether or not he’s going to cheat on you again isn’t something you can control. Whether or not you’re going to give him the opportunity to cheat on you again, that you can control.