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I am so hurt right now and I know I need to get a divorce but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone

I am in so much pain. My marriage has been over for years really but my husband plays these psychological games. He plays with my emotions because he knows he can. He doesn’t love me and he knows it and I know it, but he’ll swear up and down he loves me. For whatever reason he doesn’t want to end our marriage even though he knows he doesn’t really give a damn about me one way or another. He gets sex and even though it doesn’t really make any sense to me i’m starting to think the sex is the reason he wants to keep staying married to me even though he doesn’t have any interest in me except for that. I never wanted to believe it was possible that a man would stay married just so he could keep a woman around for sex but I realize that’s the only reason my husband is still here.

SO I guess when he stops wanting to have sex with me it won’t take anything for him to leave. For now he still wants me so he plays me for the fool that I am. You see, I know in my heart that my husband doesn’t love me; but I still let myself believe him anyway because it hurts so much to think this man really doesn’t love me. I don’t want to believe what I know is the truth.

So I let him fool me and I take him at his word even though his actions show me as plain as daylight that he doesn’t care. It hurts so much but I can’t even cry anymore. I want to cry but I can’t. I can’t cry out loud anyway; but I’m crying inside. I’m hurting so bad. I wish I could just get up and leave. I wish I wasn’t afraid that I’m so messed up because of everything my husband has put me through, and I’m not all that young anymore. I’m still young enough and I’m still attractive enough to get looks when I go out, but I’m a complete mess emotionally and nobody would want to be with me I know it. I have too much baggage.

So I feel like I won’t ever know a man’s touch again if I get divorced. I mean, I could probably find people to have occasional sex with but that was never my style and I’m not interested in that life. I would want a real relationship and I don’t think that’s possible for me. I think if I get divorced I’ll be on my own for the rest of my life. I’ll never have another boyfriend much less for another husband. And I don’t know if I have the strength to spend the rest of my life alone.

I’m hurt and I’m scared and I wish I had someone I could crawl into their arms and they could hold me. That’s what my husband is supposed to be for but he never does that. He never just holds me. He never really comforts me. He only ever just causes me pain and goes off about his business to do his thing while I’m home in pain.

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I am so hurt right now and I know I need to get a divorce but I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, 5.3 out of 10 based on 4 ratings
0 2 1521 21 June, 2013 Love Hate Cheating Divorce and Everything Else June 21, 2013

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2 comments

  1. Ron

    Personally, I’d rather have sex with strangers that might end up being nice people (or not) rather than your creepy husband. That’s just gross/empty. Not that I want to have sex with strangers. There is something to be said for being alone and being happy with oneself-that’s when you find the RIGHT person anyway b/c other healthy people will be drawn to you.

    Lady, you need to forget about your age, any wrinkles, and any stupid man (your husband or others). Get a job, make friends at work, and then LEAVE!

    You are being insecure to a point of craziness and lazy to boot. You need to develop who you are so that you can be the kind of person that would never let anyone treat you like that…

    Reply
  2. Madison

    I am basically in a similar situation. I want to get out of this as soon as I can. But I don’t want to be alone. For some reason our jokes of husbands cause us esteem issues. I am barely 22, but I also have a 2 year old so I am always afraid that will put a hold on things. But I would do anything for her, including not letting my husband get any custody because he is a flight risk and I don’t know what I would do I he left with her.

    I guess the point I am trying to get to is get out of that relationship ASAP before it goes any further. As time goes on it’s only going to get harder and harder so pull the plug now. You will find someone. My grandpa met his now wife 3 years ago and he was in his 60’s. It is going to be really hard, and of course you will spend some time upset, but get out every chance you get! Do anything you have to to get over him. Even if it’s just going to the mall window shopping, just enjoy life and you will be happier than you are now.

    Eventually it will get to a point where you can rebuild your self esteem, and from there just dare yourself to do little things like say hello to someone. But being with this guy is not going to make you happy so take the first step towards being happy and end it as soon as you can. Your worth it and theres still time. No more wasted time 🙂
    I just wish I could talk myself into leaving my piece of trash husband.

    Reply

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