My husband is probably the worst person I’ve ever met. I’ve never cheated on him or given him any reason to believe I have. He is super controlling, jealous, insecure, and explosive. After stumbling upon an article about sociopaths and doing a lot of research, I am convinced he is a 100% sociopath. He lied to me about EVERY detail of his life when we were dating. He completely fabricated a past, was the victim or hero in every story, faked a laid back personality, and had me completely fooled. Some of his lies didn’t add up in the beginning, but when I’d ask him, he would just cover it up with more lies. Like an idiot, I rushed in and we got married within a few months. Six months into the marriage I started seeing some of the lies come to light but it was nothing too major. Now I realize he spent a lot of time fabricating a job, the details of his day at “work”, conversations with people, events of the day, and so on. Basically everything I didn’t see with my own eyes was false. You can’t call him out on a lie. He denies it at first. Then explodes and brings up anything he can about you to get the focus off him.
Four months into our marriage he turned into a complete asshole. All of a sudden, everything he loved about me was a complaint. I dressed like a whore (I don’t), I show my boobs everywhere I go (they’re D cups, hard to miss), my friends are all whores (that’s not too far off but they’re still my friends), I was a whore (I was single for 10 years, get real), blah blah blah. Every typical, minor disagreement turned into explosive fits of rage. He has broken 4 phones, 3 computers, an iPad, punched holes in doors, and so on. The verbal abuse is ridiculous. I have been called every imaginable name in the book. He’s actually really creative with the combinations of insults he can combine. Everything was a test to see how I would react. If I failed, all hell broke loose.
I’ve been cut to the bone with his words so many times and get this… he doesn’t understand why I’m not affectionate and don’t want him! He doesn’t understand how that could possibly turn me off. And when I don’t want to have sex get this… he throws a fit where I’m told what a fat whore I am. Then he turns around and tells me how sexy and beautiful I am. And all the ugly, mean things are just to hurt me in the heat of the moment. He doesn’t really mean them and all the BS flattery comments should cancel out the verbal abuse.
He tells me what a Christian he is and how well he knows the Bible, but he acts nothing like the husband God commands a husband to be. The only time he ever quotes or references the Bible is to tell me I need to be more submissive or give him the affection due him. If we go to church, he gripes and complains afterwards about only going to do his part to fix this marriage even though I won’t be a Godly wife and submit. I have translated his meaning of submission to mean doesn’t argue, doesn’t question, and always on my back.
He is a veteran and gets 120 Hydrocodone from the VA every month for a back injury. He takes them all within a week. He is so sweeeeeeet and loving when he’s high. But then he drinks and becomes volatile and violent. Then he runs out and has 3 days of irritation. And he’s a miserable dick the rest of the month until next month’s prescriptions come in. He hides his pills from me, denies he has a problem, and tells me it’s none of my business.
He has had over 10 jobs since June 2011. Three different times he has made comments about people accusing him of being on drugs, but it’s just because “he’s working his butt off and they’re not used to seeing that.” He’s lost so many jobs but it’s always someone else talking trash because they are so jealous of his work ethic. It never adds up. He can’t keep a job longer than 2 months but it has nothing to do with him or his pills.
He has a ridiculous arrest record and criminal background. He makes the stupidest decisions when it comes to legal problems. He doesn’t handle his business and when he gets in trouble he goes on a rant about how he fought for this country, everybody is against him, he has crappy attorneys, the prosecutor is an ass, and the expectations of his probation officer are just too ridiculous and he shouldn’t have to follow them. He has opinions about the law and thinks what he believes is fact. He believes the court can’t do certain things to him that it certainly can do. But he lives by his belief and arrogance that nothing will happen. When it all comes crashing down, I am supposed to drop everything, screw off jobs and bills, and jump through hoops to get him out of trouble. His legal problems have ruined our finances and interfered with several of my jobs.
I’m always told my jobs are meaningless and do nothing for our family, even though I was the only one working the first year we were together (he was ‘recovering’ from a back surgery). I am a teacher. I worked in insurance for about a year and a half after I got too embarrassed by his legal troubles and reputation and quit teaching. Before he came along, I had my own house, own new car, a four wheeler, all my bills were paid and I had extra money. He destroyed that in about 6 months. He is the only one that contributes because he can lie in a job interview and get these high paying jobs that last 2 months. We’ve been severely behind on every single bill for a year now but it’s my fault somehow. I wish it was because I was always shopping and getting pampered, but I feel guilty if I buy a $20 shirt.
He claims he has PTSD and has horrible nightmares. I don’t doubt that he does because I sleep with him and it’s hell, but sometimes it just seems like drama. I haven’t had a decent night sleep in 2 years because of his nightmares. Every time he gets violent and stupid it’s always a result of the PTSD and nightmares. We tried counseling twice and each time I got yelled at the entire way home for not being able to just suck it up and deal with it. I’m so sick of even hearing about PTSD when he refuses to do anything to treat it.
I wasn’t with him when he was in the military. I came along years later and bought everything he told me at first. Now I have a hard time believing his military stories because a) I’ve caught him lying about so much other crap it’s ridiculous, b) he can’t keep his stories straight, forgets he told me the story before, and underestimates my incredible memory, and c) some of it is so far fetched it’s just too much to take.
I have found fake emails, porn sites, and hook-up sites on his history two different times. He lied to me at first and tried deleting the emails from his phone while I was on the computer in his fake account. When he finally realized he was caught, he gave me a line about looking for his ex-wife to see what kind of deviant crap she was up to and watching porn to see what he could do to be more pleasing in the bedroom for me. Puh-lease. But whatever.
He does nothing around the house… unless he’s high on Hydros, then he’s all over the place. I feel like a housemaid. He wants a clean house. It bothers him if it’s not clean. But he doesn’t do a damn thing to help me with it on a normal day. If I ask him to do anything, I’m being a nag for bothering him on his day off. I have to throw a fit and act like a fool to get my point across and get him to help me out.
At home he just sits around and plays World of Warcraft. I can’t have a Facebook or any other social profile, I can’t have friends, I can’t post crap like this, but he can spend upwards of 12 hours a day talking and chatting to people in his fantasy world.
He’s an ass to my dogs.
I’m sick of being married to him. I hate the lies, the abuse, the double-standards, the control, and him. We’ve tried so many times to fix our marriage, but you can’t fix a psycho with a pill problem. I am disappointed that my marriage has turned into this. I made a lot of stupid mistakes with men before I got married and really hoped I would be able to live a Godly marriage and truly make it work. But all I want now is a divorce. I am sick of the sociopath I live with.