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My husband talks bad about me behind my back

We went to counseling and he swore I was the best wife. I wanted us to work on our communication problems and strengthen our marriage, only to be lied to in my face and talked about like a dog behind my back. With the counselor and in conversation with me, he said I was the best wife and there was nothing I needed to change. Then, he goes to facebook and maligns me to his buddy’s wife. Then, he had the gall to lie even after he left the page open and I found the conversation and printed it out. This woman said all types of foul things about me, and he never once defended me. Keep in mind, this is all after he claimed (with hugs and kisses no less) that I was the “best wife ever” and went on about how wonderful and helpful I was in the counseling sessions to the counselor. Then, this. This woman said: “I wish I could set her straight, lol” I wonder about what? That part was not mentioned. She went on to say a lot more, including: “I don’t get it, if she is so damn miserable, why doesn’t she just leave? Nothing you do is good enough for her, I don’t understand. You do everything and she is so ungrateful and ugly to you.”

LOL, is this bitch for real? I don’t even KNOW this bitch! My wuss husband is so much of a punk that he would not even stand up for me, and even tried to LIE to me about this conversation until I busted out the print out and threw it in his flipping face. Who is she to speak of me this way? I wonder what the entire conversation was all about. Naturally, I’ll never get that from him. I want to PUKE thinking of how I trusted this man, shared my life and body with this man, and how much more is he keeping from me? Why is this my life?

And can you believe this? He won’t let me confront her, because keeping this buddy of his that has a connection for a job that he is interested in, is more important than his wife’s honor. Unbelievable. This is not the first time he has stayed friends with people who disrespect me, but I suppose I thought that he would change. Ha ha, jokes on me.

Now after devoting my life to him and our two kids and ending my military career so he could focus better on his, I’m facing the prospect of having to start my life over at 33 years old. How can I stay with this man? This is too much. Just the fact that he was going to try to lie until I busted out the proof and he was then left speechless and backpedaling says so much. God, I hate him so much. I mean real, true hate. I don’t think I have ever truly hated anyone until now. He has the honor of being the first human being I have ever hated.

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My husband talks bad about me behind my back, 7.0 out of 10 based on 23 ratings

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0 33 6701 02 August, 2013 Husband Bashing August 2, 2013

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  1. Ron

    You are very right to feel cheated and demeaned by him talking about you behind your back with people. You two are supposed to work out your problems together and be able to trust that it doesn’t go beyond you two. And, if it does, it should be to a very close family member like one of you talking to your mother and nothing more…

    Also, I would be suspicious of you not being allowed to confront the other wife b/c of a job situation? I don’t think so. He’s got something with her. That’s why they are talking in the first place. He doesn’t want you talking with his girlfriend!! I think that at least…

    Your husband sounds like an ‘unreal’ person. I’m sorry for you.

    Good Luck

    1. cindy

      It’s sad to think that someone you trusted did this to you and thinks nothing is wrong. They are not going to change and they are showing their true colors. Why spend another minute with someone like this. You are wasting your life on a so called MAN that does not care about you or your needs.

  2. Tammy

    I have the same problem too ! If one of our friend were throwing shots at me , he wouldn’t defend me he’d join in like ” yeah babe blah blah blah ” talk about disloyal ass men . I do feel like the jokes on me because I thought I can be safe with him that he’d be on my side no matter what . I always put my judgement aside and stand by him through everything but he can’t even defend me at all ? Okay .. Never once did he stand up for me . Idk what to do with him .. It makes me despise him and he makes it seem like I’m the dick for getting mad .. I’m a the douche when you hangs out to dry ? Wow how the tables have turned … In a weird way , I thought I was the only one who felt like this .

    1. Gail

      You are definitely not alone. I could’ve written your comment. I’m in the exact same situation and it doesn’t feel good.

  3. Elize

    I left my lifepartner I really loved, three months ago for the same reason. He went to his X-wife and belittled me behind my back. He also discussed things we should have worked out between the two of us with two sets of our friends leaving me to feel as small as an ant. My heart is very sore even while typing this letter, as he tried everything to reconsile us and NOW he even wants to marry me. Now? If he felt this strongly about me why on earth did he go on belittling me. I know I did the right thing leaving even although I think he was my soulmate, and even though my heart is breaking. If your soulmate is a douchebag, I suppose its time to cut your losses and move on.

    1. jgal

      Hi Elize, I also am going through the same issue. I busted my bf of 10 yrs talking about me to his ex and telling her he wanted to sleep with her. I always thought he still had feelings for her but this video confirmed it all.

      We purchased a video camera alarm system for our home and within one week after the camera installation he was busted. The videos are very clear and the audio is very loud so he was unable to deny it.

      However, when I first texted him telling him how dirty and desperate can he be to tell his ex that he still wanted her and wanted to sleep with her and let her inside my house, he was denying it all. When he realized that the video was sent to his phone as well he knew how MUCH he messed up that he started apologizing.

      The next day he wrote a card and I tore and threw it in the garbage. The following week he tried talking to the pastors of our church to complain about me that I got rid off all the things I gave him as a gift and that I was cursing at him. Like, really? He’s lucky I ONLY called him a MF, dirty pig. Desperate F@k…doing this in front of our home!!! He is lucky I didn’t come home at the time I was watching the videos.

      The worst part is that we have a 6 year old son and he knows because he heard us arguying in our room. My son does not want to leave our house. He says he doesn’t want us breaking up. So what to do?!? I want to start new separate from him but my son will suffer ???? and all because of my desperate, dumb, pig son’s father.

      P.S. The reason they broke up the first place…she cheated on him 2 times. That goes to show and it is true when they say that you lose them the way you find them! Best of luck to you!

      1. Elize

        I feel so sorry for you as I can just imagine what you must feel like. Please do not stay for the childs sake because you will never trust the dishonest cheating pig again and I am sure you did not “by accident” caught him on his first dishonest move – he has probably been that way all along. If you decide to stay your child will in any case pick up on the new distrusting relationship that lies ahead now.

        Just like us, children also goes through some hard times and it makes them stronger.

        You might miss out on somebody wonderful if you stay with someone not deserving your love and trust. I myself is looking for someone I can feel safe with and if someone belittles you behind your back in stead of having your back you will never feel safe. I am actually preaching for myself here, but I believe what I am writing.

  4. Keke

    Same here. How is it so damn easy for a “man” to vent to a non fuckin factor, but can’t communicate to his wife? I too gave up my career for the betterment of his. Good thing I continued my education. This mf talks so bad about me it’s ridiculous. His family who i couldnt care less hates me because of his lies. He even told his mistress that I was a bad mother who slept with random men, and that I could barely read. Ok, I get that he has no game and had to lie to get the drawers. What hurt me most is that he allowed everyone at his job to bash me. In 14 years I still haven’t been invited to a company picnic or a military ball with him. Another thing I don’t get is why this dumb ass bitch believed him when she trolled onto my FB and saw proof that I graduated with honors from college. She also saw that I am very vested in my children’s lives. Silly me took him back, now I regret it because I truly understand what it feels like to hate someone and to sleep with your enemy. I can’t do it anymore, he will never change and I’ve already gotten the best part of him (my 2 kids). All he had to do was keep it 100, and communicate with me.

  5. Moonrayne

    Mine didn’t hang up properly after I innocently called to see if he wanted picking up from work. He tore strips out of me to his work mates and bosses who were all laughing and joining in. He hadn’t got a clue I heard everything at the time. Now I know, we all know we often have little whinges about our other halves but this was downright cruel, lengthy slagging off. I’ve started losing friends because of his manipulation and quite frankly I feel I am less important than basically everything else in his life. I appreciate the sentiments of the original post and sometimes they make you feel like your paranoid for even thinking it. I want to leave my partner but can’t find a job, hell I even considered phone sex work because I need to escape (Trust me I applied for a cleaners job, admin and so on) to no avail. To be honest mine has made me feel down right inadequate lately. So I can understand the ‘show’ of affection that’s the people pleaser of an a**hole. If you can leave is my honest answer do so. Make your plans ferret money into an secret account so you can leave. It’s what I plan to do once I have a job and a bit of finance to back me. I’ve been in my relationship for over 6 years and I’m 37 now. So hang in there, 33 isn’t too bad to start over and you never know you might find someone who really does love you. With the ‘wife’ who is slagging you off over messenger there might be something else I would worry about and so should her husband. If you were in the military you may have skills a lot of companies look for if you don’t or can’t go back for any reason. I’m trying to re-trade as call centre work nearly gave me a mental breakdown. You will have a lot of support but don’t hang onto someone who is destroying you because apart from being with someone you hate it’s not a mentally healthy for you or your children. In my case I just need to sort myself out before I become homeless. In yours you will have an amazing amount of help if you do want out.

  6. Kemma

    I want to tell you ladies that when a man does this he is not a man he’s a little b*tch! No man should ever do this to a woman he loves and it’s best to leave this situation because it will only get worse. I don’t trust a man who talks bad about me behind my back and he so-call loves me. That means he’s phony and really feels some sort of way about you and it isn’t good.

    1. Porky

      So my husband talks really bad about me to everyone friends kids his family. I mean like she a liar she aint no good. Especially to me he tell me im horrible each day he blame me for something. What does this mean and why he do that?

      1. Bertha ruiz

        He’s a swine! Not a man but a coward that wants to feel better than you but knows he’s a bitch with genitalia! Look for help, women’s shelter. He’s mental n verbally abusive. Leave before you become under his mental control. Bastard, he’s a sick one.

  7. M

    Can someone answer me this from a guys point of view. I have a wife who doesn’t want to talk ever about our problems but instead runs and hides when i suggest therapy. We have been through 4 therapist and each one says the same thing ” She has to deal with her past first before you can grow”. Now in the mean time she gets mad when i speak to my family about our problems, she hates it when i talk to friends. So if i cant talk to her, she will not go to therapy, who else im i suppose to talk to?

    1. Bertha ruiz

      Does she have a mother, sister etc. to suggest talking about problem. Have her doctors evaluate her. (Unresolved problem will move you away from her;not good!). Without her agreeing, her condition could get worse. Any problem can be managed with a plan of action; in steps. I wouldn’t risk losing my husband .

  8. Anita

    I have a husband who throws me under the bus to his friends, his adult son and his family. He tells everyone else that I am his best friend and yet he bad mouths me. I don’t
    understand what I have done to deserve this kind of behavior from him. I work, I keep his clothes clean and his house clean. On top of all of this, I am on chemo. I am in a lot of pain almost every day , but yet he won’t help me with any thing. He complains when I have to take pain pills because he says they make me mean. So I will hold off taking them and stay in pain just to keep him happy. There is something really wrong with this picture. I feel so broken inside . Just when I didn’t think he could hurt me anymore he went and betrayed me again by saying more horrible things to his son about me. I am a good person and try to treat others the way I want to be treated. I am going to be forced to quit my job soon because of my illness and now I feel like just giving up all together. Can someone give me some words of wisdom please.

    1. Bertha ruiz

      Is that son he talks to , yours too?
      Doesn’t this rat realize that it’s painful to hear his father being such a louse! Get some help to move away from him(louse).
      And take the pain pill -away from him. The jerk s not the one having it! Take steps to leave this jerk. Oh, how I hate these jerks,sickos!

  9. Porky

    My husband totaly neglects me. He loves his son more than anyone else. At first i was so happy about that. But then he only spent time with and we no longer talked if i try to talk to him about a private problem he would go and share it with him. I mean he wven discuss our sex life with him like telling him how good it feels and so forth.

  10. Porky

    But thats just the beginning, I decided i couldnt deal with it. After trying over and over for 17 years of marriage and kids to tell him how unhappy i was. He told mecto just get out i dont need you and he asked for the keys so i gave it to him I just left. Eventually i found someone else. All of a sudden he starts calling me begging me to come back. Saying hes gonna kill himself. I never seen him act this way i was stunned. He went from i dont care what you do to i cant live without you. So i went back he was amazing he was doing things i never seen before good things. Then one day after about a month out of no where o get home from work he says lets go see your granny but i was too tired. He started yelling at me i got out the shoeer about yo lie dwn when he grabbed me out the bed dragged me literally out the door onto the truck. Telling me you left me huh you Bi____ch. Started hitting my head on the window he was hysterical i never been so scared. Took me to cane field and begin saying im gonna kill you hitting me on my head throwing rocks on me big rocks the size of a baseball. I fell out of breath from running screaming. Of course after 2 months some how i went back to him he was begging. Crazy as it sounds i did. My family and friends stop talking to me. NOw were back together and he still hates me cheats on me i feel lost.

    1. meow meow

      omg u mean to say after being beaten up like that u went back to him….he has no respect for u whatsoever!! I know love makes us tolerate ridiculous situations, but u are someone’s child and your parents did not have u to be maltreated like this….I cant tell u to leave him because until your mentally ready, u wont…..are u still with him, are you still even alive I wonder…He intended to damage you by throwing not even stones, but rocks at your head!!! that’s absolute tosh!!

  11. Elise

    Wow. I thought i was alone. Brace yourselves ladies. I found my having inappropriate conversations with his female first cousin, and he was bashing me. They had even created an Emoji that supposed to look like me. It was the most sickening thing i had ever read…While talking to her he called himself “Daddy”. In one discussion they had. She didn’t respond the way he expected or she normally did. He said “why are you acting so shy”. I didn’t mention they are very very involved in church. It’s been difficult.

  12. T joyner

    The reason she is talking about you that way is because she is jealous you are married to him and not her…..get your hair done, nails done….whatever you can do to make yourself feel better about you. Make a plan to exit. If it were me, I would probably get in touch with her husband and the two of you can figure it out together. Chances are that he is clueless and no one wants to be played for a fool. Gather enough evidence that he will at least look at the possibility. Remember, the less you fill your husband in on what you know, the better. He will just lie if you confront him with anything….keep your head up and stay strong….he doesn’t deserve you and now you can have a chance to find someone that does deserve you….

  13. Liz

    I never wrote in any time of forum like this.
    Within the last week, I found a very lengthy conversation between my husband and his brother.
    Married 5 yrs, together 10. I work 50+ hours and make a fair amount of money to support our household. I pay 80% of our rent, all the household bills, provide full health insurance to my diabetic husband and our gorgeous 5 yr old son. I pay his cell phone, and most his expenses.
    My husband works part time as a server at a chain restaurant and his tips/checks help out with groceries and not much else. Living paycheck to paycheck, but I am still able to stash some for sons college fund and put 10% of check to 401k
    My husband and brother in law have been mad at me because I refused a trip to Disneyland recently that we were unable to afford.
    I saw his phone display a text from his bro asking if the “dumb whore” finally gave in.
    My interest peaking, I read through text messages where they both called me EVERY AWFUL NAME IN THE BOOK!
    Whore, slut, c**t!!! Talking about how horrible my family was and what a bad person I am.
    His brother even promised him a trip to Hawaii to celebrate a divorce if my husband goes along with it.
    I never knew they felt like this. I’m not innocent a work stresses me out as well as supporting our family.
    I took his phone and found a thread between the two from FB messenger that was months long and called me nothing but horrible names.
    In order to salvage my sons happiness and put my son first, I have left the place we shared and am staying at my parents. I’m 37 and felt like I never even knew my husband. Two weeks later, he remains unapologetic and can’t believe I stole his phone.
    Wtf. I am so lost and betrayed. He told me he doesn’t want a divorce and he was just venting.
    Says it doesn’t mean anything. I am completely betrayed, heartbroken and so damn sad.
    I have the support of my family and his words in texts to prove I’m not crazy.
    Thanks for letting me vent.

    1. cindy

      Went through the same thing they will say your crazy and they were venting. No that’s not venting. Yes you are going to feel heartbroken and lost. Get your self together and move on. Join a support group be around family and friends. Respect your self by leaving this person.

  14. Sarah Muñoz

    Words can’t describe how f**ked up i feel inside. I’ve exhausted my efforts in trying to continue being a faithful loving wife. I always pray for my marraige and it gets me nowhere but worse off. Yesterday his friend sent him a text saying,”didn’t she point a gun at you”? I asked him why would he tell him that n he tried flipping it saying he’s asking. Uh, no he was making a statement with a question. Yet he never admitted to telling him that when we both know he did. Then my husband began to call me delusional, crazy, and said he doesn’t know what the f**k i’m talking about. He then goes to sleep knowing i’m crying cause of this. I have realized this is not the first time he talks about me behind my back. Every chance he would get away from me he would text or call his mother n “vent” to her, but they both would be talking shit about me. (Mind you, i let his mom borrow one of my cars n she makes payments every month as long as its driven since a year ago till this day) Then i would see another hurtful text from her. I confided in her with my emotions n feelings n she just used it to humiliate me. I thought i could open up to her as she had said but i know not to. I thought my husband would keep our personal lives between us n that i can trust him with that, atleast…. but no. If i bring this up to him as i have, it gets me nowhere. We have a family together and i even quit my job so he can work since he wanted it that way n i stay home with our kids n now everything just began to happen this way. I don’t know what to do. My savings pay for the mortgage, food, utilities, and his income pays for anything extra. I don’t have family. No friends… He makes me feel like i’m a nobody. He places himself on a pedestal like he’s the best husband in the world. I could think everything is going good n shit like this pops up out of nowhere. And then he calls me a drama queen when i cry. He does all this yet he kisses me before he leaves to work which sends mixed signals n leaves me confused…

    1. Sassie

      That is because your husband has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Mine is the same way. Unfortunately there is no medicine or cure. And most likely it will get worse. After 25 years of marriage I finally wised up and left and yes it was hard because he made me dependent on him but I can not tell the relief I have had since I did leave. Even my health is better.

    2. Mentality behind a husband who does not have your back

      While in the middle of a so-called happy marriage, there were several incidents where husband did not have my back and I began to realize something was rotten in Denmark. At first I tried to just accept that this behavior stemmed from his upbringing. His family projected one image to the community but in reality were instigators, people who overstepped boundaries and instigated situations. His mother was well aware that husband was very vindictive and encouraged me to put up with it and “honor” him at all costs. It was well known that his mother minimized his childlike behavior his whole life. I am 57 years old and we divorced a couple of years ago. I never really knew much about his family at the time I married him, but if I had it to do all over again I would run for the hills. His father was a controlling, irrational nut case and his mother chose to “keep it quiet” and just put up with his abuse… even lie to people to look like the all-American family to the public. My husband was actually taught this behavior and mimicked his father thinking he could bully me into behaving the way he thinks is appropriate… trying to force his dysfunction and inert values on me. As time went on, my husband became jealous, irrational, obsessive, controlling and a total liar… more worried about how he “looked” to friends than to his own wife. The shitty part about this is that he lied about me in order to distance me from friends and family. A real man would never intentionally insult the woman he loves publicly. My husband ultimately overstepped boundaries in every aspect of my life trying to destroy my character in order to gain an advantage to put himself in a superior position. It took a long time before I figured out that he was a sick individual and the more I challenged him the more irate and irrational he became. What is amazing is his ability to put on a persona of a “sweet little guy.” I started to realize that I certainly could not trust him and that was very heartbreaking and extremely hard to accept. I kept thinking that one day issues would “work themselves out.” He never defended my honor and actually perpetuated any kind of attack against me and started becoming very belligerent and vindictive simply for the sake of getting his way about everything. If a man loves you he will fight for you and certainly not get pleasure from seeing you hurt. Life is getting better now day by day but I look back on how unnecessary and uncalled for his behavior was. I just want to get the message out there to women that if your man does not have your back he is a NARCISSIST, A CONTROLLER. THIS IS NOT TRUE LOVE. A man who hurts a woman simply to feed his ego needs to have his ass whipped by REAL MEN who protect their families and honor their wives. I look back now and realize that I was too bright, outspoken, intelligent and too much woman for this piss-poor excuse of a mama’s boy. He truly resented me for having my own opinions and the ability to stand alone and deal with situations on my own rather than relying on false friends or “status quo” as a backup… something he could never do on his own. LADIES, A MAN WHO DOES NOT HAVE THE INTESTINAL FORTITUDE TO PROTECT HIS WIFE AND FAMILY IS A “NARCISSIST”… A VERY SICK AND PATHETIC INDIVIDUAL. LEAVE HIS ASS .

  15. Sara

    my husband used to call my brother and talk shit about me. He expected my brother will lecture me to be ‘ a good wife’ to my husband. My brother and his wife know my husband really well and they ignored my husband.
    My husband started to talk shit about me to 1 particular ‘friend’. This guy need money so he always agree with whatever my husband says. And this guy started to influenced my husband a lot and tell lies about me. This guy lies about I met him and talk shit about my husband yo him, and I am crazy, so everything I says is untrue… etc.
    Things get worse, now my husband will give this guy and his wife money whenever they ask, meanwhile telling me to tightened up household budget because he has no money for us to spend. I can’t complain about money, I can’t complain about the guy lies, I can’t complain about they guy and his wife racism comments toward me or my kids. Because my husband trust that guy bullshit that it’s always my fault and I am the crazy one.

  16. Amber

    I thought I was not alone but that this was rare.and feel very isolated within my situation..i am 33 and from age twenty one i have been with my spouse..have 3 children and am pregnant with fourth..i suffer extreme anxiety and lost one last year..things have been very rough and the new of a baby has been so wonderful we have been in therapy and thought things were turbo g around..i am in my senior year of college at 33 but looking forward for tradition next year…recently I woke bathed me and my children everything of his was left in the usual place. Then as the day passed he was later and later getting home..until I realised he is not going to show back up…we haven’t seen him since…there has been some contact over the phone but he doesn’t care to check on me and the kids or the baby on board..i found out he has been trashing me to therapists friends family..his and mine..and he is good so many people have come forward to tell me heybi am sorry I thought this and see you now and realize that is not how things were and have shown me information proving all the things he has said aboit me while me and the kids had thoight we had a happy not perfect but happy little family with a new baby to welcome and a better financial situation to look forward to with school almost done…i found out a secret life he has hidden for years as well and feel anxious at the idea of him to my stomach turned inside out pain for my children and feels that i have been married to a stranger and this secret life I know is a fact..i have seen the messages and conversations and some people even putting him on speaker and hearing with my own ears the bad talk about me to the lifestyle he really lives..i too feel that I am having to start my whole life over and now adjust to life as a single.mother…with the knowledge this is for the best but at times the pain feels so unbearable and all of this being fresh still feels like I am in some parallel universe or nightmare waiting to get back to reality.


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