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Did you marry the wrong fit for your personality?

I was looking at some pictures of a famous lady with her equally famous boyfriend. I won’t say who they are; but they have been together for about a year now and have recently had a child together. I have noticed in most of the pictures of this couple that the woman always looks very reserved and not particularly happy where before this relationship she smiled a great deal more and seemed more approachable and down-to-earth. I know you can’t tell what is going on in a person’s life just by looking at a picture taken of a moment in time. For all I know this woman is blissfully happy; but looking at pictures of her taken since she started dating her current boyfriend, I get the impression that her true personality is being suffocated under the weight of pressure being applied by her boyfriend’s heavy-handed control. In other words I think he’s telling her how he wants her to conduct herself, what he wants her to think, how he wants her to dress, when he wants her to speak and how he wants her to sound when she speaks, and for whatever reason she’s just going along with it.

So this couple is the inspiration for the title of this post, “Did you marry the wrong fit for your personality?”.

Speaking from a personal perspective, my husband and I are very different. I am more serious. He is more playful. I am more reserved, he is more open. I am more formal. He is more casual. Needless to say the differences between us often make it quite difficult for us to interact on common ground for any significant length of time.

Happy couple lying in grassIn situations like ours where the two people are so starkly different the dominant personality usually sets the tone for the relationship. The other person goes along with the script; but they sometimes do so at the expense of their own happiness and that is what appears to be happening with the famous couple mentioned. They are not married yet, but it looks like the woman in question is going along with the script but she is not happy because her true personality is being suppressed and she is being made to modify herself to suit the unreasonable demands of her boyfriend whose personality seems quite overbearing.

In an ideal situation the personalities of the individuals in a relationship complement each other. You can be different but when the differences are so extreme that relating becomes impossible, or when the only way things work is by one person dominating and the other person going along with the script and playing the role created for them instead of being themselves, you probably did marry the wrong fit for your personality and you probably need to be asking yourself if you’re really willing to go the rest of your life playing a role instead of being yourself. You should be able to thrive in your relationship. The question is, can one thrive in a relationship with someone who is not the right fit for their personality?

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic via

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0 0 629 12 October, 2013 Marriage Bits October 12, 2013

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