OCD for complaining??
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OCD for complaining??

I know everyone’s spouse complains but what Im about to ask I think is different…

From the moment my husband gets up, every 20 minutes, half hour, or hour my spouse complains about whatever it is that is ailing him that day. One day it’s “Ughh my back hurts”. Another day it’s “Ughh my head is killing me”, “My stomach is killing me babe” and so on and so forth. It literally sucks the life out of me because he doesn’t take anything for whatever pain to make it better. I ask him if he took anything he says no… well what do you want me to do about it then? We have been together for 14 years and married for 12. He has been like this for at least 10-12 years.
Is there something medically wrong with his head?

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Editor's Response

Some people are chronic complainers. They don’t realize what they’re doing. They don’t realize they’re draining you with their constant complaining. And even if you bring it to their attention they continue to do it because it’s become second nature to them. It’s a habit they can’t easily get out of. Sometimes they don’t want to get out of it because they think they are justified in complaining.

10-12 years of routinely complaining about an aching back, aching head, hurting stomach seems a bit odd. Not sure if tips for how to deal with chronic complainers in general would help. But I did find an article you might be interested in checking out.

From “How to Deal with Chronic Complainers” (source) –

Be sympathetic—but set limits. Complainers often feel unhappy, lonely, criticized or misunderstood. Resolve to listen to their grievances as compassionately as you can, but only up to a certain point. Set a time limit of, say, three minutes… or let your own internal cues (a feeling of being trapped, a knot in your stomach) tell you when you’ve heard enough. At that point, call a halt to the complaining by saying courteously yet firmly, “You have my sympathy. Now, let’s please talk about something more pleasant.” If the complainer still won’t quit, excuse yourself from the conversation, walk away or hang up the phone. Don’t chide yourself for cutting off the person’s rant—you are not being callous, you are simply protecting your own well-being.

Have you ever just come right out and told your husband that it sucks the life out of you to have to listen to him complaining everyday about his various ailments? Bring to his attention that it’s been going on now for 10-12 years and that just doesn’t seem normal to you.

Has he been to the doctor? It seems like a silly question to ask because it wouldn’t make sense for someone to have all these pains every day for 10 – 12 years and not have gone to the doctor about it. But if he has seen a doctor, how is he still having the same pains every day for 10 – 12 years? Perhaps it is psychosomatic. In which case, that it’s been going on for 10 – 12 years means you might have to suffer it another 10-12 or somehow get your husband to address it with a therapist.

You might also want to check out this discussion on the message boards at dcurbanmom.com. “How to deal with habitual complainers

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Disclaimer: Editor's Response answers should not be taken for expert advice. The person behind the Editor's Response is not a relationship expert but just a regular member of the general public and all Editor's Response answers should be considered in the same light as an opinion given by a random individual on the street. Some Marriage questions are manufactured by Marriage Scene writers based on Internet research.
0 0 506 20 January, 2015 Marriage Answers January 20, 2015

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