It could be argued that sexual compatibility is more critical to the endurance of a marriage than sexual attraction. Sexual attraction does not guarantee sexual compatibility. When you consider that two people can be violently attracted to each other only to come to discover that they are completely incompatible sexually, you have to admit that while attraction is generally important for getting people together in the first place, it’s not the most important factor that contributes to making sexual relationships last.
The importance of sexual attraction in marriage isn’t so much about a couple needing to have a raging fire constantly burning between them. In marriage certain things are understood. Assuming it’s a normally functioning marriage, you and your spouse are going to have sex. Whether there is raging sexual desire or not, you are able to engage in sexual intercourse at whatever rate of activity has become your routine. All that is needed is for one partner to be willing to fulfill the others need.
Naturally to be both sexually compatible and also still highly attracted to each other will make a marriage more fun and exciting. But a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse is still possible where the pull between you is more psychological than physical.
The importance of sexual attraction in marriage thus becomes one of keeping your partner willing and wanting and able to have sex with you. It becomes a matter not of maintaining attraction but of preventing your partner from becoming repulsed by you in some way that makes them not want to be physically intimate with you.
Some of the ways in which you can repulse your partner and make them not want to have sex with you are obvious and widely discussed. If you check out the comments readers have contributed to the post My wife got fat and expects me to still find her attractive even though she looks nothing like herself anymore, you’ll quickly realize that many people, both men and women, find it difficult to have sex with an overweight spouse. So if you gain an inordinate amount of weight, it could affect your marriage by causing your spouse to become too repulsed by you to be able to have sex with you.
There are many other things that can cause one spouse to become too repulsed by the other to be able to tolerate sexual intimacy. If you are a smoker for example, you might think that since your smoker’s odor never bothered your spouse in the past there should not come a time when it does bother him or her so much that they draw away from you and recoil at the thought of kissing you and having sex with you. But what we can tolerate at the beginning of our relationships can become intolerable after the novelty of each other wears off. Your smell can become too great a turn off to be ignored.
Your general disposition and your attitude towards your spouse can also impact on their willingness and ability to meet your sexual needs. If you are ill-tempered or otherwise unpleasant to be around and you are not treating your spouse well they could build up insurmountable feelings of hurt and resentment and contempt for you.
Even in cases where there is a physical attraction, the possibility exists to turn your spouse’s mind against you to the extent that they cannot tolerate being physically near you. So while sexual attraction helps to enhance the sexual experience, assuming sexual compatibility, a lack of sexual attraction doesn’t have to detrimentally impact your marriage. You simply need to realize that a fulfilling sexual relationship is still possible even if you might no longer become instantly aroused at the sight of your spouse.