No one necessarily thinks twice about it when wives confront women with whom their husbands have affairs. But when it comes to the question of whether or not husbands should confront the men with whom their wives have affairs, most people seem to agree that this is not a good idea. Personally, I would have to agree with anyone who says that it’s a bad idea to talk to the other man about his affair with your wife. If the other man was someone you thought was a friend then fine. But if it’s someone you don’t know, then there would be nothing for you to talk to him about. He did nothing to you when all is said and done. This is between you and your wife. She is the one who has betrayed you. What happens in a marriage is between the two people in the marriage. Even in the case of an extra-marital affair. The other person is not relevant.
And what would you talk to the other man about anyway? What are you going to do, ask him why would he have an affair with another man’s wife? He doesn’t owe you an explanation for why he would have an affair with another man’s wife. His lack of moral integrity, if you want to call it that, is his personal issue. It’s not like he walked into your life and took your wife and had an affair with her. It’s more like your wife went out and took up with another man. She made herself available to another man.
It’s not on other men to respect the vows that are exchanged between you and your wife. It’s on your wife to respect the vows she made to you. It’s your wife who did you wrong. The third party, unless it’s a friend or a relative or someone you knew and trusted, is in no way responsible for your wife’s choice to cheat on you. He is only responsible for his own choices. And it’s not you to whom he has to answer for those choices.
A confrontation between you and the man with whom your wife had an affair can get ugly. Very bad things can happen. And you can find yourself dealing with legal problems that will have far greater impact on your life than your wife’s cheating. Whatever led your wife to cheat, the problem exists inside your marriage. It’s a problem between you and your wife and it needs to be resolved between you and your wife.
The same goes for women with cheating husbands. They too should not be confronting the other woman unless it is a friend or family member or someone else they know and trust. And even then, no one can come in and destroy your marriage without being allowed by one or the other spouse. In which case the problem originates inside the marriage. Your marital problems, including cheating, are between you and your spouse.