There are numerous lists that abound all over the internet offering insight into what men like and don’t like in a wife. But many of those lists give the impression that all it takes to be your husband’s ideal wife is to keep yourself in shape (avoid getting too skinny or too fat) and be available whenever he wants to have sex. For any woman with even an iota of self-respect lists like these are insulting. They suggest a woman has no value to a man outside of her appearance and her usefulness for sex. But lets say for the sake of discussion that these lists are stating the cold hard facts. Many men have wives that meet this criteria and they are still not content in their marriage. So it can’t be the case that all it takes to make a happy husband is for you to look good for him all day and perform tricks for him all night. I know there are going to be some guys who will insist that in fact that is all it takes. And maybe it’s true for some men. But I believe there are plenty enough men who want more out of their relationship with their wives.

First of all let’s get it said that the concept of an “ideal wife” and an “ideal husband” is silly. Yes, before you get married to someone you should have a good idea of what type of person would make an ideal spouse for you. But what would make someone an ideal spouse for you comes down to a question of who you are as an individual and how you mesh with other individuals. There is no universal ideal wife or universal ideal husband. So looking for qualities in your spouse that are based on generalized notions of what makes a woman an ideal wife and what makes a man an ideal husband does not benefit you or your spouse in any way.

Generalized notions of what makes you his ideal wife

Apparently the things that make you his ideal wife:

  • You don’t complain
  • You never say “no” (to sex that is)

Outside of keeping yourself attractive for him and being not just available for intercourse when he wants it, but also excited to do it with him, some of the how to be his ideal wife lists you’ll find on the internet stress the importance of not nagging and complaining. We’ve all heard this one a million times before. It’s been talked about ad nauseam. Every TV show, every movie that features a married couple paints a portrait of the fed up and frustrated husband and the nagging complaining wife.

A man doesn’t like having his wife treat him like he’s a child and like she is his mother. He doesn’t mind being asked nicely to do things; but the point at which his wife begins to nag and complain because he hasn’t done what she’s asked him to do according to her timetable, he begins to get annoyed. It feels like his wife is disrespecting him. She’s acting like she has the right to tell him what to do and when to do it.

What adult wouldn’t find it annoying to have another adult trying to control him or her? The thing we value most about adulthood is no longer having to be under someone else’s control. So it’s perfectly understandable that men do not find a tendency to nag and complain and criticize and act in a controlling manner to be an ideal trait in a wife. A woman would find this tendency in a man just as annoying.

As for never saying no…

This is not that difficult to understand. Who likes to be denied something they want? There’s nothing wrong with a husband wishing his wife would never deny him sex. So let’s not give guys a hard time for saying that their ideal wife is one who never complains and never says no. They know and we know that this is life and in life you can’t always have things the way you want things.

A man could have himself a wife who doesn’t complain and doesn’t say no and still things aren’t quite what he thought they would be if he had such a wife. Because there’s more to him than his intolerance for his wife’s nagging, and his frustration over sometimes being denied sex. And there’s more to his wife than her nagging and her condition of sometimes not being in the mood for sex. And what makes the relationship work or not has more to do with all those other things that make him who he is and that make her who she is.

No one is ever going to be all that we would like them to be. We should be reasonable enough to understand and accept this. And we need to apply the knowledge to ourselves. We should not aspire to be all that someone else would like us to be. We should be who we are, and the people in our lives, including our spouse, should be reasonable enough to understand and accept that we are who we are. And in most cases husbands are reasonable enough to understand and accept that their wife is an individual with her own unique ways. Your husband might have a fantasy about an ideal wife. And that’s perfectly okay. It’s harmless. As long as he isn’t condemning you constantly for being who you are and not being who he would like you to be, don’t deny him his right to his fantasy. Be aware of what he prefers and what he doesn’t. And if you can be more accommodating by all means be more accommodating. But don’t attempt to break the limits of your spine trying to becoming his ideal wife. Because usually if you’re not, in his mind, his ideal wife, you’re never going to be no matter what you do.