Guest Wrote: My wife complains I’m too gray, too old, don’t trim my toenails enough, or my nose hair, don’t shower adequately, don’t shine my shoes, don’t dress well enough. Then she tries to say that she is only trying to help me become the person I could be if I would just take some pride in myself and my appearance. She complains I am a lazy ass, too stupid to live. This has gone on now for 15 years and is getting worse. I really thought I was going to file last year then things got better as we approached the holidays. I chalked It up to stress. Now it has started again.
We can’t help the fact that we age and graying hair comes with the territory of aging. So in that regard you have have every reason to object to your wife complaining that you’re too gray and you’re too old. But as far as trimming your toenails and your nose hair, showering adequately and dressing well, maybe your wife just wants to see you looking your best because she wants to feel more drawn to you.
If you’re still attracted to your wife it probably isn’t despite her failing to keep herself looking at least reasonably well put together. In other words, probably if your wife wasn’t fixing her hair every day, brushing her teeth, taking a shower, putting on clean clothes, keeping up with her self maintenance, you would be complaining as well. Even if you don’t complain aloud to her, a quietly contemplated disapproving thought is still a complaint.
Maybe it is the case that your wife isn’t keeping up herself and you’re not bothered by it. But that could be because you’re no longer attracted to your wife so you don’t really care one way or another. But if she still cares to see you as an attractive man that is not a bad thing.
As far as complaining that you’re a lazy ass and too stupid to live, that is not constructive and should not be tolerated. Sometimes all it takes to solve such a problem is a frank discussion with your spouse. She has to know there are limits to what you’re going to stay and tolerate. If she doesn’t want to lose you she won’t cross the boundaries that you set. But you have to set those boundaries and you have to make it very clear that your threats to leave if the boundaries are crossed are not idle. Your wife will only go as far as you allow her to go by your reactions to the things that she says and does.