To some people the idea of a husband loving his daughter more than his wife is unheard of. But there are wives living with husbands who in fact love their daughter more than their wife. Usually these are situations where the daughter came before the wife and is the only daughter. But sometimes wives who complain that their husband loves his daughter more than he loves them, are the mothers of the daughter in question.
Is it really all that odd when a husband loves his daughter more than his wife?
It’s always interesting to read the comments that get posted by other wives in response to discussions on what to think, feel and do when a husband loves his daughter more than his wife. There is typically an agreement that this is something that should not be tolerated because it is something that should never happen. A husband should never love a child more than he loves his wife. Yet you often don’t find the same outrage at the idea of a wife loving her child or children more than she loves her husband. Somehow this is easier to justify. After all husbands come and go but your children are your children forever. Your husband might not always be your husband. But your children will always be your children. Somehow these points don’t have the same relevance to women who insist that a wife must always be the most important thing in her husband’s life. They do not take kindly to being told that wives come and go, but a man’s children are his children forever. Or that they might not always be their husband’s wife. But his children will always be his children.
Our love for our children vs our love for our spouse – reality vs fantasy
There’s a funny thing about the love between a husband and wife. The way it can end so abruptly suggests that this kind of love is often not real to begin with. The way former husbands and wives can go through the rest of their lives never having anything to do with each other, often hating each other with the kind of vengeance we reserve for our worst enemies, it has to make you wonder if romantic relationships really have anything to do with love at all.
If you think about it, when our relationships end, we cease to love each other. But we never cease to love our children. Our love for our children is constant. Our love for our spouse dies the moment our spouse does something for which we feel we cannot forgive them. But can real love do that? Can real love just up and die the way it does in romantic situations? Can you claim to love a child and be able to turn your back on your child and never have anything to do with your child for the rest of your child’s life because your child did something you consider unforgivable? Even if we banish a child from our life, in our heart and soul there will always be that anguished love that we will feel as a parent.
But the same is not honestly true when you’re talking about a husband or wife. We might convince ourselves that we can’t let go of our spouse because we love them. But usually those who can’t let go are holding on for reasons that have everything to do with their mental shortcomings and nothing at all to do with love.
So when a husband loves his daughter more than his wife he’s kind of just keeping it real…
It’s understandable that a wife might feel hurt at the thought that her husband loves his daughter more than he loves her. The culture of romantic love is founded on fantasy. But the fantasy has been mistaken for reality. So people believe that things are supposed to be as they are represented in fantastic love songs, and fantastic love stories written about in books and portrayed on film. A woman is supposed to be a man’s everything. No one is supposed to matter in a man’s life more than his wife. Many of us fall for these notions and try to live up to them. Some couples get lucky. These are usually the ones who actually like and respect each other. Their relationship strengthens over time and real love is able to grow because it is given all the things it needs for growth. Other couples aren’t so lucky. Their relationship weakens over time and real love never has a chance to grow because the relationship is never fed the things that enable love’s growth.
Most of us would sooner give our lives for our children than we would for our spouse.
Most women would not have to think twice if they are asked who they would give their life for if they had to give their life for their child or their husband. Yet ask them who should their husband give his life for, his wife or his child, they would expect that their husband would give his life for them before he would give his life for his child. Ask them why and they’ll tell you because that’s just the way it’s supposed to be. A man is supposed to love his wife more than he loves anybody else in the world. Because his wife gives him the stuff. And the stuff is supposedly the most important thing in his life. So naturally his wife should be the most important person in his life by virtue of providing the stuff.
At the end of day people love who they love. You can’t control if and how much someone else loves you–not with demands at any rate. Maybe you can get more of someone’s love by doing more of what makes their heart respond towards you by filling with loving feelings. But you can’t make somebody love you by insisting you have a right and entitlement to their love by virtue of being their spouse.