We had a threesome
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We had a threesome

My husband always talked about us having a threesome or seeing me with another woman. So I agreed to be with another woman but, when I saw him with another woman I immediately felt different, looked at him different & felt like I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I’m so confused.

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Editor's Response

Assuming this was relatively recent, allow yourself the time you need to deal with all the feelings that doing this has stirred up. Try not to go too deep into the thinking and analyzing of your temporary feelings of confusion and mistrust.

Since you haven’t been very detailed in explaining what happened and why you feel the way you do, I’ll assume your husband got very into it and you didn’t like how it felt seeing him get so excited and get so much enjoyment out of “him” being with another woman. You say he wanted to see you with another woman, but then you say you didn’t feel good about it after seeing him with another woman. So I’m assuming that though this was arranged so that he could fulfill his fantasy about seeing you with another woman, it really worked out to be a case of him being with another woman with you present. Either way, you watched your husband being intimate with another woman and it has left you resenting him.

Your feelings are certainly understandable, but I don’t think it is a good idea for you to indulge them under the circumstances. You did after all agree to the threesome. And maybe your husband was all about the woman and you felt like he didn’t even remember you were there. That would be awkward and uncomfortable for sure, but this was an intimate act of trust between you and your husband. You made the choice to participate in this threesome, and with this choice comes the responsibility to accept whatever took place during the event. You cannot hold any of it against your husband.

When you’re going to engage in something like a threesome you have to be prepared to see each other in a light in which you’ve never seen each other before. You have to try to get your ego out of the way so you can accept things for what they are and not give them more significance than they really hold. Even if your husband got carried away and was all into the woman, it was all about the fantasy and not about the woman specifically or even about you specifically. You have to try not to judge him, even if what you saw in him didn’t sit right with you. It’s not like he changed into someone else during the episode. He always was whatever you saw. He always had that in him. You were just never in a position to witness him engaged in this activity before.

If it’s jealousy that you’re feeling, stop making comparisons in your head. Stop taking it personally that he seemed to be more into the other woman, if that was the case. Of course he was going to be more into the other woman. Think about and be honest about it. If he wasn’t going to be more into the other woman he would not have talked you into trying a threesome. He wanted to experience another woman and he wanted it to be sanctioned by you. He didn’t want to do it behind your back as an act of cheating.

Again, this is all based on making assumptions about what went down during your threesome. You can feel free to correct any wrong assumptions. At the end of the day, your confusion is understandable, but don’t make more of your present feelings than is needed. Let enough time pass for things to settle back down; and don’t play tricks on yourself by indulging thoughts based on feelings of jealousy and insecurity. And don’t judge your husband for the way he acted during the event of getting his sexual fantasy fulfilled. Hard though it might be, just try to get over it.

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Disclaimer: Editor's Response answers should not be taken for expert advice. The person behind the Editor's Response is not a relationship expert but just a regular member of the general public and all Editor's Response answers should be considered in the same light as an opinion given by a random individual on the street. Some Marriage questions are manufactured by Marriage Scene writers based on Internet research.
0 0 217 14 December, 2015 Marriage Answers December 14, 2015

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