My husband owns a bar. There are always different women around. I’m not ugly and far from it. There was a bartender who I didn’t trust but I could have sworn had nothing on me. She is ugly and a slob. Not an exaggeration. She has no real education and hasn’t picked up a book since high school. She drinks too much, smokes weed, and she sleeps around a lot and everyone knows this, including my husband. She slept with his best friend on a whim. I’ve been with my husband for 22 years. We have 3 beautiful kids together. We both have jobs and for the past couple of years money isn’t our biggest fight anymore. In the past I have found out about him cheating on me. I’ve grown to learn that eventually he will only hurt me again. I stopped sleeping in the same bed as him. I stopped asking to go out together. I’ve stopped asking for anything. A day before his bday we got into a fight but nothing out of the ordinary. In my gut I knew something was going on but for months he made me look and sound crazy. He even went and accused me of cheating on him with a co-worker. That wasn’t true and he knew that but I believe he was hoping it was true to validate what he was doing behind my back. That night I looked at the cameras after the bar was closed. He said he was out with his friends. I looked and seen her walk in thru the front door. I watched her let him in thru the back door. We padlock the front door so if anyone was to come by including myself I would assume no one was there. Apparently they’ve been doing that for a while. I let myself in and found them having sex. I was in shock. My heart broke at that very moment. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. It still feels like that. Even though I knew he cheated on me, seeing it, actually seeing it makes it REAL. All the lies, the fights were for his benefit. He threw me away and for someone like her! 22 years GONE! I was broken inside. The worst part was he stood there covering his dick and said “I blame you!”. Not I’m sorry!! That was 3 weeks ago. Everyday I cry. I’m actually blaming myself and I know I’m not the one who cheated. On my worst day I contemplated suicide. I put a gun to my head but I couldn’t do it. THIS WASNT MY FAULT!! I have to keep reminding myself that everyday. He said I pushed him away. I wish that was true because maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much. Certain days I think I can get past it and other days that vision of what he did is the only thing I see. The man I loved with all my heart giving someone else what he promised me. All of him. I made him my whole world and even though I knew I shouldn’t I did anyway. He hasn’t cried once. He refuses to answer any questions about what he did. If we were to work on us and get past it I need to know how it started so history does not repeat itself. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t want to go anywhere. I feel unwanted and unloved. I don’t think he is sorry for what he has done. I think, he thinks, his reasons for cheating were justified. By the way neither of them walked away without my anger getting the best of me. This part of that night was the only thing that was right. Both got a punch to the face. Only he had the black eye. I wish she did too. She was the only one to say sorry that night. So far it hasn’t gotten easier. I’ve just gotten better at holding back the tears. I’m going to go see a therapist. I need help. I need to learn how to value my own worth and my needs. All I do know is I’m going to focus on me and that’s it. If he wants this “relationship” to work then HE will have to do it for the both of us. I deserve better than this. I’m still hoping for a happy ending. Sad, I know.
I caught my husband in bed with another woman
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]I caught my husband in bed with another woman,