Guest Wrote: I’ve been in a relationship with this man almost two years and if there was something not to do in a relationship he’s done it. He’s lied cheated abused physically mentally and emotionally. He’s trashed almost everything I’ve ever owned that had value. He’s stolen thousands of dollars from me, he got me pregnant and began beating me. He has ruined my life and I would say I wish I could just leave but then he threatens suicide and becomes crazy and I fear for my safety and my families safety. But I can’t lie I miss him when he’s not around! I know I’m not mentally stable anymore because anyone who could miss the abuse and lies and cheating has to be crazy! And the shitty part is, it’s never been good so I’m not sure why I ever allowed it in the beginning. I’m a fool…. A fool who just wanted to be loved!
Editor’s Comment: Dear guest, I am sorry to read about the things you have suffered at your husband’s hands on account of your own fears, pain and confusion. I wish for you that the forces of good will intervene on your behalf before it is too late for you to benefit from your husband’s (or your own) transformation. Take heart in knowing that there are other people in similar situations–men and women in abusive relationships who remain in the relationship either out of fear for their own safety, or fear of facing life on their own or for other reasons.
There are people who do not have the courage and inner fortitude to take a stand against their abusers. Sometimes it is because they fear their abuser will become more violent. Sometimes it is because they are confused and mistakenly believe that other fears, such as fear of being alone and lonely, are indications that they love their abuser. And believing that they love their abuser, they then struggle with wanting to be free from the abuse and not wanting to hurt their abuser by leaving him/her. Sometimes it’s a matter of practicality. Some people in abusive situations are dependent upon their abuser for their very livelihood and don’t have any means to support themselves.
Whatever the reasons you remain in your situation, the first step towards becoming free is to stop abusing your own self with your thoughts about being a fool. The more you tell yourself that you’re a fool, the less inclined you’re going to be to ever get up and do anything to help yourself escape from the situation that you’re in. Because you will believe that this is what you deserve for being a fool. And the more you feel like this is what you deserve, the more you will take the abuse and often even urge it on.
That you took the time to write what you wrote above indicates that you have enough awareness of your situation and a strong enough desire for a change. But as they say, and with good reason, change starts with the individual desiring it. You are mentally stable enough to be able to take steps towards helping yourself. Take love out of the equation. It makes no difference that you love your spouse. That is not a reason to stay in a relationship with someone who abuses you. Do you love him more than you love yourself? Do you believe that he deserves to have you accessible where he can hurt you whenever he needs to lash out, than you believe that you deserve to be free from his abuse? Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for the troubled souls in our lives is to walk away and leave them alone to face and conquer (or be conquered by) their demons.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a healthy resolution to your situation.