My Husband Cheated Because I’m Fat and Have Baby from His Mistress
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My Husband Cheated Because I’m Fat and Have Baby from His Mistress

We’ve been married for 8 years and have always been in long distance relationship since our dating time until now because of our work. After we have a kid, i gained 40 lbs and my husband lose interest in me. He told me to lose weight on our 5th year of marriage and it hurts my feeling, i felt rejected. On our 7th year of marriage, my husband completely do not want sex and always avoid me every time i initiate it. I suspected he have an affair but could not prove it. 3 months later, i found out the proof that he really have an affair with his secretary at work (abroad) because i checked his phone. The total length of the affair was 5 months. He spends more time at work compared to home (from the 5 months total time of the affair, he spent 3 months at work and 2 months at home). We fight but he did not fully apologize, just saying sorry because i asked him to. He even blame my weight that he has to go to another woman. He continued saying that he really wanted to end the affair and guilty at first but he could not stop himself from temptation because he was having fun and even admitted he has feeling for his mistress, but said he loves me too. He said the affair will end anyway because his work at that country will be over in 1 more month. But that was not what i expect. I expect he said he will end the affair because he want to be with me. Anyway, i accept him back because i really want to save the marriage, for me and for my kid. We also go to do exercise together and i started loosing weight.

Then, one day the mistress came with a news that she is 2 months pregnant and she angrily said do not care if my husband accept the baby or not, but adding the baby is his blood no matter he accept or not. The mistress said did not want to see him ever again but stole 15,000 USD from work petty cash that was under my husband responsibility (because my husband trusted his mistress, she has access to the petty cash), saying he should paying it back to the company from his pocket because the money will be used to raise the baby. According to my husband, the mistress still wanting him but the fact that she stole the money make him angry. However my husband asked me, if somehow one day the kid of his mistress came knocking to our door needing help or want to see my husband, to accept the kid as it is never the kid’s fault. I said i cannot do that, but he insist to see at it goes and decide when the time comes.

There is an email where the mistress told me how my husband only stays in the marriage with me because of our kid and not because he still loves me. I honestly believe my husband still loves me, maybe in a different way to the way he loves his mistress, maybe much less than the amount of love to his misress. But what hurt me most was when my husband said “if only she does not steal the money, she (his mistress) would have a big chance to win me (my husband)”. I confronted him “do you mean that you would leave me knowing her has your baby if she does not steal the money?” but he always refuse to answer, he got angry and said it’s never possible to talk to me and i always play “what if”. He told me to concentrate on what i can control (losing weight), leave everything that i cannot control and move on. He also said i should focus and appreciate that he is still here and decided to stay in the marriage. I am torn between wanting to save my marriage (accepting things as is) and leaving the marriage because in reality, deep down he even thinks to leave me but just circumstances benefiting my case. What should i do?

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My Husband Cheated Because I'm Fat and Have Baby from His Mistress, 1.0 out of 10 based on 1 rating
0 6 836 19 May, 2016 To Divorce or not to divorce May 19, 2016

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6 comments

  1. SoSorry

    I am sorry he has put you through this. It is not you, not your weight, not your fault so please don’t blame yourself. It sounds like your husband is very selfish, self centered, arrogant jerk for what he has put you through. You are the only one to decide on whether to divorce or not. Are you financially capable to take care of you and your child? Do you want to live with the mistress/and step child, in your lives for the next 18 years, at least? Will you trust him again? You need to gain some confidence in yourself. You are a better person than him, you don’t deserve to be put through this. It is time for you to be happy, and stop stressing over what he is doing, where he is, and when he will be home. Once you stop stressing, that weight will drop off you!

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  2. marie2

    You believe your husband loves you but in a different kind of way. What way is that??? The treat you like crap, degrade and devalue you, dismissing kind of way? This is what your wanting to try to save for you and your child? Run don’t walk to a therapists office and commit to a year of self esteem counseling. Save yourself and your child FROM him not for him. Good luck honey. I hope you can learn to love yourself. I’d be gone so fast away from that emotional mental abuse.

    Reply
  3. Sonly Mike

    You husband will leave this work in the other country… So the affair is not possible to continue. That is a fact. Whether he would have wanted it to continue or not that is another story… He got caught about sending this message which for me it’s more a message to keep her interested than a confession of truth. What you should do? I don’t know.

    What i would do if I were you… I would keep doing the gym things. You spend time together which is needed and you also show that you are willing to work on yourself and your relationship (were in the past the impression he was getting was that you are content with being +40lbs and you “ignored him” when he asked you to lose weight).

    But most of all you need to jump start you sex life. Maybe sex is not on his mind yet especially after all that happened but you need to put it on his mind. Make sure you give him a long sexy helping hand….regularly. That way he will start to desire you and everything will go back to what it was.

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  4. Jade

    His affair will end due to distance? If you lose weight you will win the wonderful prize of him? If she didn’t steal money she would come in first? Sweetie, you are not a consolation prize. You are worthy of better. This is abuse. I sure hope you are divorced by now. I hope you find a beautiful, fulfilling life without this a**hole. You are beautiful, you are special, you are worthy. If you haven’t already, please leave this douchebag.

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  5. Jade

    He has obviously made it clear that you are a consolation prize. The affair will end due to distance? He expressed desire to try to make a family with his mistress if only she didn’t put him in a financial predicament which you will be partially responsible for. I hope you are divorced by now because you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. If you are not already divorced, please go see an attorney.

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  6. Jaded

    Let’s recap. If you lost weight you could win the wonderful prize of being a consolation prize? I sure hope you left him. You deserve better. Try chumplady.com. Get out if you haven’t already. He is worthless. You can do better sweetie. Good luck!

    Reply

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