We’ve been married for 8 years and have always been in long distance relationship since our dating time until now because of our work. After we have a kid, i gained 40 lbs and my husband lose interest in me. He told me to lose weight on our 5th year of marriage and it hurts my feeling, i felt rejected. On our 7th year of marriage, my husband completely do not want sex and always avoid me every time i initiate it. I suspected he have an affair but could not prove it. 3 months later, i found out the proof that he really have an affair with his secretary at work (abroad) because i checked his phone. The total length of the affair was 5 months. He spends more time at work compared to home (from the 5 months total time of the affair, he spent 3 months at work and 2 months at home). We fight but he did not fully apologize, just saying sorry because i asked him to. He even blame my weight that he has to go to another woman. He continued saying that he really wanted to end the affair and guilty at first but he could not stop himself from temptation because he was having fun and even admitted he has feeling for his mistress, but said he loves me too. He said the affair will end anyway because his work at that country will be over in 1 more month. But that was not what i expect. I expect he said he will end the affair because he want to be with me. Anyway, i accept him back because i really want to save the marriage, for me and for my kid. We also go to do exercise together and i started loosing weight.
Then, one day the mistress came with a news that she is 2 months pregnant and she angrily said do not care if my husband accept the baby or not, but adding the baby is his blood no matter he accept or not. The mistress said did not want to see him ever again but stole 15,000 USD from work petty cash that was under my husband responsibility (because my husband trusted his mistress, she has access to the petty cash), saying he should paying it back to the company from his pocket because the money will be used to raise the baby. According to my husband, the mistress still wanting him but the fact that she stole the money make him angry. However my husband asked me, if somehow one day the kid of his mistress came knocking to our door needing help or want to see my husband, to accept the kid as it is never the kid’s fault. I said i cannot do that, but he insist to see at it goes and decide when the time comes.
There is an email where the mistress told me how my husband only stays in the marriage with me because of our kid and not because he still loves me. I honestly believe my husband still loves me, maybe in a different way to the way he loves his mistress, maybe much less than the amount of love to his misress. But what hurt me most was when my husband said “if only she does not steal the money, she (his mistress) would have a big chance to win me (my husband)”. I confronted him “do you mean that you would leave me knowing her has your baby if she does not steal the money?” but he always refuse to answer, he got angry and said it’s never possible to talk to me and i always play “what if”. He told me to concentrate on what i can control (losing weight), leave everything that i cannot control and move on. He also said i should focus and appreciate that he is still here and decided to stay in the marriage. I am torn between wanting to save my marriage (accepting things as is) and leaving the marriage because in reality, deep down he even thinks to leave me but just circumstances benefiting my case. What should i do?