I was only 18 when I met you I liked you alot even though I was seeing someone else at the time didn’t know that a year later I would be married to you.From the our engagement ceremony I felt something was off the way you acted with me around other people was as though you were doing me a favour by marrying me because I needed “fixing”. The night my mom let us out together and I kissed you ( yes I know how forward of me to initiate the kiss) and you said you felt nothing and I started crying I should have known not to take the relationships further or even marry you but I guess God had his own plan for me and my life with you. From day one being married to you was a struggle a heart breaking struggle. I know you might ask why did I stay then and I agree I could have left but I was broken at the time trying to show you that I could be worthy of your love your time I wanted love desperately and I was going to settle for anything especially since I was married I had to make it work some how I didn’t want to be divorced and alone like my mom had ended up after years of abuse. We had our ups and downs mostly downs lots of downs mostly because you couldn’t see who I am I kept trying thought I wasn’t trying hard enough so I kept giving trying harder to prove to you up until a year ago it must have been when something just went off on the inside of me I realised that you actually never going to see me for who I am because you don’t want to. It was only good enough for the sex . You never heard me seen me or seem the person I am. I realised that after 7 years of living with you nothing had ever changed it was actually getting worse because I had started accepting the way you treated me and tried to convince myself that you loved me . The thing is If it were love I would have felt it I would have not needed to keep telling myself you love me . Or that you loved differently. For the miles of running I did for you it felt like you had only taken two steps forward deep down I always knew I don’t belong with you I wished and prayed for a long time that you could be the one.. I don’t even know why ..there was no peace never at least not for me. I don’t want to cry anymore I guess I will have to take the first step towards living without all the pain . Today right now as I write this I make a promise to myself today will be the last day I ever cry over you . Today I will love myself enough to hold my own hand and lead myself away from the years of emotional abuse I have received from you. I will be free I will be loved and I will love again.
Time to move on
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]Time to move on,