Someday we won’t care
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Someday we won’t care

B-In 20 years, we’ve been through so much. 2 kids, careers, houses, animals, financial ruin…the list goes on.

We have also grown apart in so many ways, and closer in others. We’ve grown up together. I know your every move, facial expression, gesture, silence..
That’s how I know you aren’t happy with me anymore. I knew it the first time you told me you wanted us to be swingers. You said you needed variety, no strings attached sex because you didn’t want to cheat on me. It broke my heart. Your admission of this has made me insecure, jealous and on guard. I knew at that moment, it will be a matter of time before the clock runs out. Now, drifting into our 40’s, you long for a younger, hotter, freeer version of me. I long for a more sensitive, more intellectual you. 2 people we both will never be. We stay because of the kids. Plain and simple.

I wish I knew the way out. I wish that I knew how to save it. I wish we could go back and do things differently. I wish it was the day we got married all over again. I’d do so many things differently.

I would have recognized that you were a narcissist who thrives on crazy making, and gaslighting. Someone who only cares about sex and your agenda. Someone who’s wife and kids got in the way of all their dreams..the life you slowly but surely no longer want.

Some day though, we won’t care…we will be separated and although I will never heal from the emotional damage you have inflicted, I will be better.

M

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1 comment

  1. angie

    Hi You sound somewhat lost in your marriage.

    He also sounds like a typical man.

    You seem to have a few issues but without love and trust threesomes and swinging will not resolve the issue.

    but what i can say is talk to him and get your marriage back on track, understand from both sides thats him as well as to what has gone wrong and what is required from both sides to make some of the issues better, you cant fix the issues that takes time, but you can ease the burden and both of you move forward.

    If this means from your point of view having more sex, then give up girl lay back and let him get off, I dont want to have sex all the time with my partner but occasionally i just let him get on with it its just sex. forget the love making for now,but then he cant blame you for that.

    what is his actual agenda? many men have these fantasies of threesomes and swinging, i think at some point we all male or female have had some similar fantasies. if thats all he can see in the relationship then point out the other things also explain to him, that women need to be relaxed de stressed and mentally as well as physically ready to really enjoy sex, its not like men on off thanks a lot. Put him in your shoes and get him to help ease some of the pressure then you maybe able to relax more.

    If he still wants once you have secured your relationship and you are both happy and settled, trying swinging is not a bad thing you can get as much out of it as he does, my partner and I go to parties generally once every three months, but if we are going and we have an argument a few days or week before and we are not 100% settled and chilled then we do not go.

    You sound hurt confused and locked in a corner there is always a way out just talk to each other first.

    good luck
    angie

    Reply

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