I found out my husband is having an affair but he still wants me to stay & play happy families, I’m devastated.
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I found out my husband is having an affair but he still wants me to stay & play happy families, I’m devastated.

Hi I’ve been married 20 years to whom I thought was a gorgeous, generous loving man until I found a bank statement of his, which showed him booking hotels on the nights he said he was working away. He confessed that he was seeing someone but he had no feeling for this woman he just liked having hard sex with her. We have not made love for at least 5 years as I had an accident & left me with a very painful back. My question is should I leave him as I feel very betrayed, I love him still but he won’t stop seeing this woman so I feel he has no respect for me & if I stay that means I have no respect for me either. What should I do please.

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0 4 58 26 July, 2017 Liars & Cheats July 26, 2017

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4 comments

  1. Chris

    I’m very sorry. I would be devastated too. While I understand your pain and anger, men have needs. 5 years is a long time for a man to go without sex. Do you satisfy him in other ways? Men are physical while women can go without as long as they have companionship. But I feel he should’ve came to you. Or left if he wasn’t happy and satisfied. I’m not trying to justify his infidelity in any way because there is no excuse but a man will find his needs elsewhere if he’s not getting it at home. So I guess my advice is, forgive him and work it out. Meaning find a way to give him what he needs or leave. Otherwise, he will do it again.

    Reply
  2. JD

    i don’t think he should cheat on you. I don’t think people need to cheat. The answer is break up and divorce because betrayal is awful and classless. On the other hand I don’t think he should have to live without his needs being met. Part of the vows and love. Guys are simple and sex is a basic one of those needs. As dr Laura would say intercourse isn’t the only sexual option so perhaps you could meet his needs another way? I bet that he truly loves you but had to go elsewhere for the sex. Perhaps you can forgive that and try some new options? If not, and I get it… divorce is it. And being single and dating isn’t awful. You injury though is going to challenge you in the future regardless. It all comes down to what you can live with. Tread your own path though and good luck!

    Reply
  3. Wolfman

    It’s easy for someone else who’s not emotionally attached to say,” leave him.”
    If you leave him the divorce process is difficult etc.
    If you still love him then stay.
    Find yourself a boyfriend.
    Let him be the one to petition for divorce.
    It’s cheaper for you..
    Expensive for him.
    You can’t live your life for someone else.
    Do what makes you happy.
    Spend some cash.
    Go out and have fun.
    The days of being a wifey are done.
    If he wants a virginal wife then he should be a virginal husband.
    So f it.
    The day will eventually come when there is breaking point..she’s going to beg him to leave you.
    Sit tight for awhile.
    In the meantime, paper trails are extremely important. Bank account info, evidence of his adultery.
    So if you do divorce you have proof.
    Now make yourself over and rebuild a future.
    Let sleeping dogs lay.
    Plan and map out your life.
    You’re actually a separated woman.
    No sex for five years with your husband warrants your separation
    You could aways talk to a divorce lawyer to just to get some advice. .
    Please don’t ever have sex with your husband. .God knows what type of sexual transmitted diseases he has.
    HPV is silent until it’s not.
    He’s a snake.
    And now that you know he’s a python, be super careful you don’t get bitten.

    Reply
  4. Reddy Garu

    Hello there,

    first of all do not feel away or betrayed. recall you happy moments with him you spent for 20 years. try to talk to him in nice way. once you start to stop him he will see her , talk to her more. things will go opposite way if you get angry with him. human nature is, when you tell someone not to do something they want to do more.
    sex is only rubbing two bodies for sometime not this mean he have to love that person, sex is only a pleasure for sometime some people get pleasure by playing games, drinking alcohol but for him he found someone. let him know that his sexual feeling will die one day and that day you will be not there for his stupid mistake.
    if you know how to get to youtube , watch sadhguru explanations. no any doctors or psychiatrist can answer like him.

    focus on something and keep your self, I know its easy to say this but try.

    Regards
    Reddy

    Reply

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