18 years together and 2 amazing young kids. Had so many experiences – laughter and tears. She lied when I had suspicions, but then late one night I found the texts on her phone. We had the typical difficulties so many couples go through – kids demand so much and consume so much (but of course give so much too). Money is always tight. She couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do with her life and I listened and offered advice, and listened and offered advice for years. She finally gives up and gets a night time waitress job- and what does she do? Slowly grows colder toward me. Stops sleeping with me and has an affair with the owner of the restaurant.

The difficulties of life (raising kids, money, keeping each other happy, work, etc) plague so many of us. It’s very tough being married and raising a family and staying happy. I get it. But my spouse was the person who I thought had my back. Now, 6 months later, I’m lost. The floor caved in and I’m lost. I’ve never once had an affair in all these years. The only thing that I love now are my kids. I can’t handle the idea of their unhappiness, that is a direct result of her cheating. I’ve been trying to pretend and keep us in the same house. It’s so hard. I don’t trust her and don’t even want to look at her. Occasionally, I’ll see her at a certain angle or hear her voice a certain way, and I almost forget that it’s all ruined. But it is and she ruined it.

I don’t want to meet someone new to hear about their life stories. and I really don’t want to meet someone and have to deal with their kids (though I understand for those who have gone this route and do okay). My priority is making my kid’s life work out.

How do I tell her to get out? And, how do I raise my kids with a full time job? How do I tell them mommy has to leave? How do I know I shouldn’t just keep playing the game for 12 more years until the youngest one is in college? She barely makes any money and we can’t afford two places to live. I haven’t had physical touch in well over a year. People all seem to know about us and it’s all so different now. It’s all so hard. How do I get untrapped…or should I stay trapped?