3 years ago, my husband had an affair, he cheated with a woman who had him on child support for 8 years! at the time we found out the child was not his, and I guess he wanted answers, so they started back conversating. several months later I caught on what was happening. I don’t understand why he would cheat on me with her and I don’t understand why she wanted him, after years of calling him a deadbeat to a child she would not allow us to be around. I found out through his google email and he seemed madly in love with her. they would tell each other I love you and kiss and hug. they would meet up frequently at their hideaway spot! they had nicknames and all, he would even offer her a shoulder to cry on when she was going through hard times. well even after I found out they were talking he still denied it and when I had hard proof he finally came clean well at least I thought he came clean. after a year of us trying to work it out something did not sit well in me about the details he enclosed to me, so I asked and asked until he told me they slept together in a hotel before then he came up with some lie that they had sex at her people’s spot. I didn’t understand after a whole year why he finally decided to tell the truth, now I doubt what he has told me, I even found a condom and sex pill. which makes it hard for me to believe it was just one time. I often feel that my husband has no compassion for me and what he did to me. when we have sex now he seems not into it, and he says it’s because I’m not into it, he is always going soft or never super hard which is a major turn off for me. he says he loves me and is in love with me, but I don’t believe him. I feel like he wants it to work out just for the children sake. I really don’t know what to do, when I asked for a separation he told me he didn’t believe in that. I also have tried to cheat on him, but just can’t do it. I feel like this woman has gotten the better end of the stick, 8 years of money for a child that wasn’t his and the pleasure of being with my husband. My husband says he wants it to work, and has made changes since then but I seem stuck on this affair, I feel hate in my heart toward this woman and feel like I can’t live my life with my husband if I wanted to! I love my husband dearly but every day I feel pained about what has happened. I will be honest I am not the perfect wife, but I try to make things good for him before he cheated! The ironic thing is my main concern was him cheating… that was the only thing I asked him not to do. I have held this man down for over a decade and this is how he repays my love!