My husband and I have been together for 8 years. I had two daughters before him and then we had a son together. We have a lot in common but we don’t. My husband is deeply addicted to sex with me. It’s because I have allowed it to happen. He has to have sex at least once mostly twice a day every day. It takes me about 3 days after an orgasm to feel aroused again. But he will take it wether I am laying there like a dead fish or not. He absolutely knows that I am not in the mood but he just flips my leg over his body and does what he has to do and then rolls over and goes to sleep. I love sex and he can pleasure me but I don’t want to have sex with him anymore. I don’t want him to touch me. I feel like he just uses me and I hate him and resent him. When I am in the mood I am mostly fantasizing about what I want to happen or another man. He thinks he is the one pleasing me but in reality it is just my brain making it happen as Im using his body. I just want normal sex, normal love, I crave for my body to be admired and caressed and this leads me to want to cheat. I have told him no and he gets very angry and starts slamming doors and getting loud. Even when his kids are in bed. It terrifies me to tell him no and see his anger. I don’t want to have to call the cops on him. He has never hit me or cheated I know for sure because he is too stuck up my butt. I can’t have a girls night or anything because he can’t sleep without me and he’s jealous of my friends. He works his butt off and for that I am grateful. He is also very addicted to marijuana. Now i am not a hater of the substance but he will spend crazy amounts of money on it and therefore I feel like we are missing out on life’s greater things because we are broke after bills and his addiction. If we divorce I will have nothing. I will have to get a new place and start all over. I have health issues that prevent full time work. I am so trapped and my future looks bleak. I have sought counseling and she told me what I didn’t want to hear. He refuses to seek counseling for himself. He doesn’t think he has a problem. My counselor says that marriage counseling won’t help until he gets individual help. Is this marriage hopeless?
I feel like my marriage is BS