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Wife pregnant (drunken bar encounter) abort or not?

This might be the hardest thing that I’ll ever write. Wife of 10 years just told me that she is pregnant (11 weeks) as a result of a drunken night out with friends. She met somebody in the bar, had sex, doesn’t even remember his name. She had known for 3 weeks and was considering aborting but couldn’t go through with it without telling me. She wants to abort so we can move on with our lives. She is sorry and wants to make it work.

I’m not sure what to do. We have a 10 year old together so divorce is not that easy. I trust that she is sorry and this was a one time mistake. I don’t know how to process it all just yet, how to forgive, how to move on but another life is involved now. I know I can raise the kid as my own but it will come with a lot of compromises, and she is afraid that it will be harder to mend with a reminder in front of us all our lives. There are 100 reasons to not go through with it. Financial reasons. Other guy was different race so chances are that the baby would look different than us otherwise we wouldn’t even tell anybody that it wasnt ours. Other guy might come back in our lives ( very very remote possibility) and might want to share custody. This will certainly complicate our lives like any unplanned pregnancy probably does.

There is a 1 very good reason to keep it – keep an innocent life alive and I know I’m capable of providing a loving environment. Our 10 year old was born after 5 miscarriages so it’s a miracle that this is growing and healthy at 11 weeks. Our 10 year old will have a sibling. Wife thinks we should abort and try on our own if that’s what I want but it just feels wrong to erase a life and create another like its no big deal.

Not sure what to do..

Sad and lost husband and father…

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0 6 327 13 March, 2018 Marriage & Family March 13, 2018

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6 comments

  1. JD

    What an incredibly personal decision.

    For what it’s worth… my opinion is keep the child. We all make mistakes and growth occurs after them. Your child would have a sibling and What a blessing from the right point of view! Would there be potentially heart ache and fights and problems. Yes, of course. But won’t you have that anyway if you have a wife who drinks carelessly and can’t keep her wits while doing so? And forever more this infidelity is there child or not (which will always be a separate problem all together).

    I think if you are both committed to working it out, keep the innocent. But don’t ever punish that kid out of jealousy, anger, spite, shame, guilt etc.

    You know adoption is an option as well. Many people would love a gift like that. And if you both could live with that it is a very real option. Certainly better then abortion. Small price to pay for such a mistake and a blessing for the right family. Just such a sad loss for you current child. How do you explain away a pregnancy? Surrogacy? Or wife leaves for a spell the last few months sick or struggling family member? It was done in the 50s can be done now.

    May I say how admirable your attitude is? Willing to step up and be such a man for this child? And for truly pondering the situation before over reacting. The child would be well off with someone such as you as a father. Thank heaven for people such as your self. At times I lose faith in humanity but sparks like this keep me going.

    Best wishes with your situation… Be well, be true to who you are.
    JD

    Reply
  2. Tyree Foxworth

    Choices! thats what we all have. I went through the same thing with my wife , after we were separated for 6 months. It hurt alot, but you have to move on. Whatwver decision you make you have to be sure that you can live with it. My out of wedlock stepson is now 11 and he’s a blessing. Embrace it, because we all make mistakes…. move forward because the pain will go away.

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  3. Marie2

    The baby is half hers…She would kill her own flesh and blood??? Who cares what the other half is…that’s not the child’s fault. I’m with you. Keep that beautiful baby and love it as your own because it’s half of her and you love her.

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  4. James

    Sorry for your low on the roller coaster of life. First things first. In order to handle this your going to have to tackle one thing at a time. 1.) You’re wife allowed herself to be put in a compromising situation knowingly. She most likely knew of this guy being there which means it was premeditated. There also was a current issue in your relationship that was stopping intimacy between you two. Healthy relationships don’t lead to the other making poor choices. That will answer why and how your wife cheated. Also you need to take some responsibility in this. 2.) Pregnant by another “ethnicity” guy. I bet if another “ethnicity” couple you loved died leaving a baby to you both neither one of you would think twice about raising it. If that is true then you also can overcome having another child in your life. The only way this guy could find out is if your wife knows of him some how and paths would cross. Women know an approximate time of month they are fertile. They have a morning after pill. Even if she didn’t why didn’t she go the next day. My point and hope is you and your wife can come together and overcome this. I don’t think your wife is some evil person nor am I bashing her. You have to deal with the infedelity first. Again she didn’t get to this on her own. Your brain and emotions go to a malfunctioning state of chaos when your cheated on. So you will be incapable of functioning until you tackle that first and come to a minimum upset state of mind to breathe again. I recommend starting there so you can make other important decisions. Good luck and seek help.

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  5. Brenda

    I’m sorry for your dilemma, but I will say this…this is not the first time she has cheated. She just had no choice but to come clean this time because of the pregnancy. Her infidelity has no reflection on your marriage as a whole, some people just can’t be monogamous. Once a cheater…..
    That said, if you can live with the fact that your wife cheats on you and has no morals then so be it. I get that you don’t think aborting the pregnancy is the right thing to do; it’s admirable that you want to raise the child as your own because this is not the child’s fault. Just know that this child and your biological child will one day know what their mother did and you’ll have to deal with that can of worms too. She created this situation and she alone has hurt you, your child, and the now another child.
    I would also suggest being tested for STDs, (now and periodically), she will cheat again (especially since she now knows there are no consequences if she’s caught). Good luck to you and the children.

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